REFLECTION PAPER: THE ROLE OF TALKER
Reflection Paper: The Role of Talker
The role of the talker is to effectively convey their thoughts and ideas while also being attentive
to the needs and responses of the listener. Effective communication relies on the talker's ability to
articulate their message clearly and engage in active listening to ensure mutual understanding and
successful communication. Schultze and Badzinski (2015) emphasize the important elements of effective
communication, such as faithfulness, transparency, truth, and honesty. These factors are important for
establishing and maintaining trust in relationships. Without these essentials, there is a risk of
miscommunication among individuals, leading to excessive and unnecessary talking. People who talk
excessively in conversations are more likely to lack clarity and context, which can contribute to
miscommunication and information overload. Schultze and Badzinski argue that mastering effective
communication is crucial as it plays a significant role in nurturing three fundamental types of
relationships: our connection with God, our interactions with others, and our relationship with
ourselves. By practicing effective communication, individuals can exchange thoughts and emotions, find
joy in each other's presence, and develop enduring relationships. This highlights the importance of
personal relationships, as people willingly invest their time and effort to maintain their well-being.
Despite my strong commitment to being a skilled communicator, I often struggle to effectively
convey my thoughts and feelings, particularly when communicating with my children. There are
moments when my emotions become overwhelming, creating a sense of pressure that makes it
challenging to articulate my thoughts clearly and succinctly. Simultaneously, I strive to actively listen to
what my children are saying, further complicating the communication process. It feels as though I am a
balloon on the verge of bursting, making it difficult to express myself while also being attentive to their
words. Amidst all the distractions and obstacles, I often find myself losing focus during conversations,
even though I had meticulously planned out what I wanted to express in my mind. By the time my
thoughts are spoken, they come out incoherently, leaving room for misunderstandings and
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misinterpretations. In such instances, I have come to realize that it is beneficial to temporarily pause the
conversation, giving myself the opportunity to collect my thoughts without the interference of
overwhelming emotions.
The Savior taught: “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34).
Effective communication helps us enjoy the company of others, share feelings and ideas, and build
relationships that endure from first acquaintance through love and commitment. Elder Marvin J. Ashton
of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “If we would know true love and understanding one for
another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of
emotions, feelings, and concerns effective communication is crucial for Godly home and a righteous
society. Self-control is the ninth and last of the fruits of the Spirit listed by Paul in Galatians 5:22-23.
Though it is listed last, there can be no doubt about its importance to Christian living. Biblically, self-
control, or lack thereof, goes to the deepest part of us: the heart. It begins with control of our emotions,
and then includes our minds as well. Self-control is often appaired with “sober-mindedness” (1 Timothy
3:2) and in several places the language of “self-control” applies especially to the mind Hardly! Sons of
God, as exemplified by Jesus Christ and the apostles, are models of lives controlled under the guiding
hand of God without relinquishing their free moral agency.
There are numerous situations where emotions threaten to overwhelm a conversation. I find it
essential to take a step back in such situations and hold my tongue for a while. Some people tend to
interpret this as me being snobbish, yet the bible considers it wise. Prattling while in an emotional state
can do much harm Controlling your thoughts and emotions is vital. When you reach a point where you
feel unable to maintain control, it is advisable to take a step back and give yourself time to calm down.
Personally, I have found it beneficial to temporarily pause the conversation, allowing myself the
opportunity to collect my thoughts and regain control over my emotions. However, it is important to
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note that this is only a temporary solution, as the underlying issue still needs to be addressed. Allowing
yourself to cool down enables you to approach the situation with a clear mind, potentially leading to
finding a resolution and preventing similar incidents from happening in the future.
When your thoughts and emotions are under control it makes it less likely for you to say
something you can’t take back, which occurs more often than you think. When you have a firm grip on
your thoughts and emotions, the chances of saying something that you will regret later decrease
significantly, and this happens more frequently than you might realize. The Bible supports the idea of
controlling one's tongue and emotions. Proverbs 15:1 state, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger." These verses emphasize the importance of self-control in communication and
the potential harm that can be caused by speaking impulsively. Therefore, it is vital to manage our
thoughts and emotions to avoid uttering words that we may regret later.
It is essential for a talker to actively listen and engage with the listener. Communication is a two-
way process, and the talker should be receptive to feedback, questions, and input from the listener. By
being attentive and responsive, the talker can foster a more meaningful and effective conversation. At
times, I struggle to follow this path, particularly when I am about to engage in an argument. I must
frequently remind myself that speaking in anger or resentment will only exacerbate the situation and is
not in accordance with God's desires. Petersen (2015) states that effective talking involves the expression
of feelings. When these feelings are not expressed, the listener is left hanging (Petersen, 2015, p. 81). It
is crucial to express emotions clearly to avoid allowing the listener's insecurities to fill in the gaps and
distort factual and literal messages into accusations or complaints. I believe Petersen effectively conveys
this point. In my personal experience, I have encountered instances where the message I intended to
convey was severely misunderstood during conversations. When I attempt to remain composed during
difficult discussions, I have noticed that the listener sometimes interprets my composure as indifference,
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assuming that I am not taking the topic seriously. Petersen suggests that the solution is to communicate
my feelings to the listener. Additionally, nonverbal cues play an equally, if not more, important role in a
conversation as verbal cues.
According to Petersen, effective communication as a talker requires conveying one's message
without engaging in judgment, accusation, labeling, or attacking. When engaging in conversation, there
is a delicate balance between sharing and accusing. This perspective aligns with the teachings of the
Bible, in James 1:19 “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” In theory, it sounds
straightforward, but it’s incredibly challenging to put into practice. Many times, we find ourselves being
slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. Therefore, becoming a skilled listener is not an
overnight achievement. It demands discipline, effort, and a deliberate approach. As they say, practice
makes perfect. Improving as a listener is not about making a single grand resolution to do better in one
conversation; rather, it involves developing a habit of making small resolutions to truly focus on specific
individuals in specific moments.
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References
DesiringGod (2014) self-control-and-the-power-of-Christ
Petersen, J. (2015). Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating and Connecting in
Relationships (2nd ed.). Petersen Publications.
Schultze, Q., & Badzinski, D. (2015). An Essential Guide to Interpersonal Communication:
Building Great Relationships with Faith, Skill, and Virtue in the Age of Social Media.
Academic Baker.
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