REFLECTION PAPER: ROLE OF TALKER
Reflection Paper: Role of Talker
“We’re not autonomous communicators” (Schultze & Badzinski, 2015). This quote
reminds me we are not alone in our endeavor to communicate. I am thankful that my creator, the
one who is continually bringing new life and renewal to me, is always working, even in my
feeble attempts at communication. Scripture says, “You were taught with regard to your former
way of life, to put off your old self… to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on
the new self, created to be like God…” (New International Version Ephesians 4: 22-24, 1978)
By cooperating with the work of the Holy Spirit I am able to speak and act as one who loves
others, and I may say with the Psalmist, “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of
my heart, be pleasing in your sight, Lord…” (New International Version Psalm 19: 14,
1978).When I am focused on pleasing the Lord with my words and my thoughts, I know he will
help me “put off” anything that might hinder effective and loving communication.
Carbonell (2008) says the D, I, S person is a people person who is driven by certain task
oriented skills. He also suggests people with these motivations seem blinded by their own
energy and decisiveness when it comes to researching or detail oriented work. I have learned
that this is something I must consider when I communicate. If I am not careful, I can speak as if
I know what should be done and how it should be done without waiting on others who might be
more gifted with the details. I often struggle with this the most when I am working with my
husband. While he is a detail oriented person, I am ready to make decisions and move quickly
before I have allowed him time to investigate all available options. I am driven to accomplish
what it is we are working on in our ministry together as co-pastors at our church, and I speak as
if I am ready to make decisions.
REFLECTION PAPER: ROLE OF TALKER
According to Petersen (2022) the talker’s job is to share their thoughts and feelings.
Talkers must also take personal accountability for owning their own thoughts but leaving room
for another person’s. This means making space for the one who is listening. I have struggled
with this on many occasions, especially with my husband. I tend to speak too directly and
sometimes I leave little room for his version of the story.
In work settings or at my church where I co-pastor, I think I am more careful. I think this
is because I have had to work out my ineffective and less than nurturing communication
problems with my husband; others have benefited because of his grief over my lack of talking
skills. I am thankful for a husband who has loved me well and has been a good model talker. In
these work type settings, it seems I am more aware to leave space for the opinions of others as I
talk. I use language that allows them to have a place to share.
Schultze and Badzinski (2015) share that at the heart, communication should be
authentic. This reminds me of Ephesians 4: 16 “... speaking the truth in love we will grow to
become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (New
International Version, 1978). As I have grown in Christ, I recognize the need to mature. Part of
maturation is being transparent and open in my relationships, where I do not hide my faults and
failures, but I am comfortable owning my mistakes because I am completely loved. It is in Christ
that I find my worth, and when I fail, I am loved no less. This has provided me with the strength
I need to be a talker who owns her own failures most of the time. This scripture also points out
the reality that as part of a loving community of faith, “we” grow to become the mature body of
Christ. I am not alone in this engagement, but as I allow others to influence and help me, and as
I cooperate with the Holy Spirit, he is building us up to become the very body of Christ.
REFLECTION PAPER: ROLE OF TALKER
As a D, I, S behavioral type, I am prone to find importance in inspiring people. I am one
who exhorts, and when I talk, I often encourage others to live as the Lord has called us to live. I
look for opportunities to lovingly persuade and encourage the people that I work with.
According to Petersen (2022) I use what he refers to as heart talk. This is where I allow others
the dignity of their own decisions even as I wholeheartedly share my convictions and try to
persuade them with gentleness.
Finally, there have been many times with my family where I have failed as a good talker,
and I have been accusatory and judgmental toward the one I am speaking to. This especially
happens when I enter what Petersen (2022) refers to as the flat-brained tango because I feel
accused or judged. I want to be more adept at recognizing this interplay and overcome it by
practicing the strategy of the gulp. This is when, after feeling kicked in the gut or emotionally
injured, I take a gulp of air and stop the dance or the bad talking. Over the years, I have worked
hard to build what was once a very limited understanding of emotional intelligence. I had
difficulty recognizing my emotions because as a child I was taught to ignore them, or worse yet,
they were invalidated. In being a good talker, one must be able to share how they are feeling and
their emotions. Sometimes I do not want to recognize my feelings because I find them too
painful or they bring up old issues of insecurity. I found Petersen’s (2022) description of
speaking about one’s feelings helpful as he said these sentences would be short when expressing
one’s feelings. He also said one should never use the expression “I feel that …” as this might
lead to confusing feelings with thoughts; this would also set one up to judge another (p. 106). I
have been guilty of judging others while trying to disguise it as a feeling by using this
expression. This has not been helpful in my relationships.
REFLECTION PAPER: ROLE OF TALKER
Again, I am thankful that God has not abandoned me to my own devices when it comes
to communicating. He offers himself to me. He is the one working his will through me as I
cooperate with him. He is calling me to life with himself and others who are a part of his family.
What a beautiful life we have been given to open ourselves to his work to love him, ourself, and
others.
References
REFLECTION PAPER: ROLE OF TALKER
Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle: Understanding personality
patterns. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources.
(2023). New International Version. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-
International-Version-NIV-Bible/
Petersen, J. (2022). Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in
Relationships (3rd ed.). MBS Content.
https://mbsdirect.vitalsource.com/books/MBS7916214
Schultze, Q. J., & Badzinski, D. M. (2015). An essential guide to interpersonal
communication: Building great relationships with faith, skill, and virtue in the age of
social media. Baker Academic.
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