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According to Petersen (2022), most of us do not listen as well as we think we do. When I
read this statement, it felt like a gut punch. All this time I thought I was a great listener. I have
found out I have some improvement to do. The self-reflection I have experienced while reading
this book was an eye opener. I am so inspired by this book that I had to show my husband and I
recommended that we read it together. I found the Flat Brain theory very intriguing. I have a
greater desire to become a better communicator not only in my marriage but with anyone I
encounter. This book is the answer I need.
After reading about Flat Brain Syndrome, I realized I have experienced this several times.
According to Petersen (2022), Flat Brain Syndrome is when we are on overload and out
emotions, ability to connect with others, and our thoughts are on overload. When I read this, I
was in complete awe. I began to think about the times my emotions were chaotic, and I was not
able to gather my thoughts. I also did not have the desire to connect with people on a deeper
level. I remember my last breakup before I met my husband. The way Petersen described the
buildup of hurt and pain over time and how it affects emotions was exactly how I felt at that
time. Petersen (2022) stated, when the stomach overloads there is reside of hurt and pain that was
not discarded properly and it cause the stomach to expand. I remember having the expansion of
my stomach. The pain and hurt dwelled in that space for a long time. At one point I became
numb. I could not feel. It was like an out of body experience. I had no idea who I was. I was
struggling with my self-identity and social identity. According to Schultze and Badzinski (2015),
your self-identity is how you perceive yourself and social identity is how others perceive you. I
felt like I was not good enough and I felt like I was undesirable. Petersen (2022) stated that when
the emotions do not have space to move and the stomach expands it affects what we see, hear,
and think. After taking the DISC personality assessment, I have a S/I personality. According to
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Carbonell (2008), a type “S” personality can feel insecure and unworthy. I can truthfully admit
that I did not feel worthy after this break up. It took me years to progress to become a more
confident woman. It was a very tough time for me, and I knew something had to change.
My communication during that time was not the healthiest. I would often avoid being
around people because I felt like I was not worthy. Schultze and Badzinski (2015) refers to
avoiding others because of fear or stonewalling. In my case I was ashamed, fearful of what
others would say, and I did not have the desire to connect with others. I would isolate myself to
avoid people. Then there came a time that I desire connection. I no longer wanted to isolate
myself, but I wanted to connect with others. I even desired marriage again. I began to work on
myself. I wanted to have a better self-identity. According to Petersen (2022), there are two levels
of communications, and second level is the deepest level. I desired to have a deep level of
communication. I want it to be able to have a sense of connection with someone I could trust and
be willing to build a family with. I remember praying to God and asking God to heal my broken
heart, give me my joy back, and help me become the woman that He wanted me to be. I had to
learn how to have better communication with myself. I was so caught up in having a relationship
with someone else that I forgot about connecting with myself and connecting with God. Schultze
and Badzinski (2015), stated we need to focus on ourselves as much as we focus on our
neighbors. I am the person who would give to those I deeply cherish. I will show you that I love
you by my actions. I wanted to receive what I was giving to others. I no longer wanted to be
disconnected but I desired connection.
In 2021 I met my husband. I never thought I would be able to connect with someone as
deep as I connected with him. It was like a breath of fresh air. It felt good to be able to trust
someone and share my feelings and passions without judgement. He could do the same with me.
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Petersen (2022) stated that sharing of information is not only easier but clearer as well. Sharing
with my husband is easier and clearer. I thank God for my husband every day. In Proverbs 18:24
it states that to have friends we must show ourselves friendly (King James Version, 1769/2017). I
desired to have a deeper connection; therefore, I had to show that I desired a deeper connection.
God loves relationship. He wants us to connect with others. We much be connected to Him as
well.
“Why Don’t We Listen Better?” is an amazing book. The knowledge I have gained from
this book was needful. I would love for my husband and I to this book together. I have the desire
to be like Jesus and He is a greatest communicator. He has patience with me when I do not have
patience with myself. He listens to me and wants me to talk to him. I am just so grateful for the
growth I have made this far. I will become a better listener and I will work on my skills to
become better.
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References
Carbonell, M. (2008).EHow to solve the people puzzle: Understanding personality patternsE
[ebook] (Bundle). Uniquely You Resources.E
King James Bible.E(2017). King James Bible Online.Ehttps://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/
E(Original work published 1769).
Petersen, J. C. (2022).EWhy don’t we listen better? Communicating%andEconnecting in
relationshipsE(3rd ed.).EPetersen Publications.
Schultze, Q. J. & Badzinski, D. M. (2015).EAn essential guide to interpersonal communication:
Building great relationships with faith, skill, and virtue in the age of social media.%Baker
Academic.
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