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Death of A Child (Impact on Adult)
Liberty University: HSCO 502
According to the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, over 50,000 children die in
the United States each year. Experiencing the death of a child is known to have very powerful,
Impact Assignment Part 1
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disrupting impacts on a parent. When a child dies a parent is not only affected physically but also
psychologically. In grief literature, "meaning" has received a lot of attention because clinical
researchers have attempted to get a better understanding of the grieving and bereavement process
and its consequences. Recent models define grieving as the process in which a person directs
coping strategies towards their own selves, life and world after a loss (Albuquerque, Buyukcan-
Tetik, Stroebe, Schut, Narciso & Finkenauer, 2017).
When a parent experiences the death of a child, it is the most immediate, painful and
difficult experience at any age. Although bereavement is known to be highly stressful no matter
when it happens, studies continue to prove that the greatest stress occurs for the parents who lose
a child. Parents who have suffered child loss, admit that the grieving process will last throughout
their lives and frequently say, "it gets different, it doesn't get better" (Christ, Bonnano,
Malkinson & Rubin, 2003).
The human process of conception, birth and the upbringing of a child consists of many
psychological, social and meaning elements. Throughout each stage of parenting, each parent
looks to their children as the main reason of their being/existence. The bond between parent and
child isn't only a strong but it also, naturally becomes a parent's identity. When a parent suffers
the loss of a child they suffer a wide range of mental and physical symptoms such as depression,
extreme sadness, helplessness, feelings of loneliness, and even wishing death upon themselves.
Parents usually lose the ability to sleep, eat, think, concentrate or learn. Parents who are making
their way through the grieving process evidence feelings of anger. It is common for a parent to
show intense amounts of rage and constant feelings of irritation. The feelings of anger are
usually directed at close relatives, friends and even more often, at their spouse. The anger has
been often noted towards themselves, creating feelings of blame, unworthiness and even self-
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hatred. Because children take on such a strong role of symbolic importance to a parent's
existence, their child becomes the main part of their hopes and dreams for their own future.
Parents who have experienced the loss of a child have often quoted, "when my child died so did
my dreams" (Christ et al., 2003).
Reports claim that most parents have admitted to changing completely after the loss of a
child, in regards to re-learning what's important to them and finding value in it and revisiting and
rearranging their priorities. Parents who experience the loss, experience many negative
consequences as they learn to adjust to the loss. Some of the most common negative effects
include, but are not limited to how their relationships suffer with their spouse. In a longitudinal
study that focused on couples' grief responses and marital functioning, about 30 percent of
couples reported that they have more negative driven emotions towards their spouse since the
death of their child. Included in the survey, 19% of husbands and 14% of wives admitted they
felt as though their marriages were deteriorated since the occurrence. The same couples also
admitted to thoughts of divorce. During the investigation process of these studies, some of the
most common problems in the marriages were (1) conflict and anger which stemmed to faulting
one another for the death, (2) communication because avoidance of any discussion was
practiced, (3) different coping mechanisms between father and mother because men tend to cope
alone by controlling their emotions with distractions, whereas women tend to use more
emotional expression, (4) incongruent grieving because fathers tend to grieve at less intense
levels and time periods than mothers, and (5) lower levels on intimacy, including sexual
intimacy, than before the death occurred because the combination of all points listed above
(Christ et al., 2003).
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A very influential person who theorized the grief and mourning process and shaped the
legacy of what we know as "grief work" was Sigmond Freud (1917/1957). Freud, assumed that
people who experienced the loss of a loved one would have to withdraw their emotional
attachments and then detach themselves from the person lost. Freud believed that loss caused
great deals of pain to an individual, however, he also believed that they needed to struggle with
the process of letting go. During the process he noted that a person would (1) lose interest in
world, (2) withdraw or isolate themselves from everyone, (3) dwell on thoughts and past
memories about the person lost person, and (4) fall into depression. However, he noted that the
reality of the loss would eventually be accepted and progress would soon be made by the
formation of new attachments (Broderick, 2015). Although Freud's theories prove to be true in
many cases, as mentioned above, the loss of a child is handled with a different kind of care as
parents usually do not form new attachments but instead learn to live through the loss (Christ et
al., 2003).
Human service professionals should always assess each family's needs and preferences as
they the dynamics will differ for each grieving family. In addition, cultural beliefs and practices
must be assessed, honored and respected during the bereavement processes. Human service
experts often state that the grieving process not only includes the parent adapting to the death of
their child and re-entering life as a functioning individual of society but also it consists of the
parent being able to change and maintain their relationship with their child. A human service
professional needs to consider the unique challenges faced in the grieving process and include
any other working professionals that may be needed throughout the process; such as family
physicians and mental health professionals as well (U.S. Department of Health and Human
Services, 2003).
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If anyone is struggling with the loss of a child, two educational readings are suggested
below with a detailed description of its material.
The Death of a Child: Reflections for Grieving Parents
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-death-of-a-child-elaine-e-
stillwell/1111013412?ean=9780879462604T
The Author, Elaine Stillwell, a mother whose two children were killed in a car accident has spent
many years grieving, rebuilding and working as a bereavement coordinator. This book explores
the excruciating pain that stems from experiencing the death of a child. It digs deep into the life
changing event that forever scars a mother and father and discusses the after math of rebuilding
life, through the overwhelming emotions and loss. It provides thoughts to the issue and addresses
several questions that parents may have about the feelings experienced within the first year and
what their "new normal" will look and feel like.
What Forever Means After the Death of a Child: Transcending the Trauma.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/search?index=books&linkCode=qs&keywords=9781583910801
The Author, Kay Talbot explains that "healing evolves—it is not a destination." The goal of this
reading is to give a deeper insight and understanding of the traumatizing experience of losing a
child. This reading offers the stories of other parents who have lost children and how they have
come to embrace life in a new, meaningful way, while still undergoing the feelings of loss. This
book explains the difference between mourning and outcomes and how it is possible to survive
the death of a child. The main focus of this reading is on the issues that affect a parent's personal
identity and if it's necessary to leave the attachments for the child behind in order to start the
healing processes. This book will answer key questions such as: what level of grief is still
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experienced? How helpful are family and friends? And has the parent made conscious decisions
to survive the loss?
If reading wouldn't help my client and they are in need of some support resources that
will involve more of a hands-on approach, I would first suggest the non-profit organization, The
Compassionate Friends, Supporting Family After a Child Dies.
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/chapters/what-to-expect/
This organization's vision statement is "everyone who needs us will find us and everyone who
finds us will be helped." More than 17,000 bereaved parents are I need of the support attend TFC
meetings throughout the country every month. They have several locations throughout the U.S.
but hold one of their chapters in Leesburg, VA. Each chapter offers at least one or maybe two
meetings a month for about 1.5 hours in the evenings or weekends. The meetings are not
counseling sessions but offer more support from those who have experienced the same traumatic
experience. The meetings consist of two parts. The first part is a sharing session, where the
parent would share their experience and feeling and the second part will be a pre-planned
program about a hot topic chosen by the group, usually given by a guest speaker. In between
chapter session (held at a local church), the organization has set up virtual sessions, even offering
private group sessions through Facebook.
I would also recommend that my client reach out to Blue Ridge Hospice located in
Winchester, VA.
https://brhospice.org/grief-support/
Blue Ridge Hospice offers Grief support for those who are trying to piece their lives together
after a loved one has passed. They don't offer around the clock specific groups for those who
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have lost a child but each month they offer meetings for those who have lost someone. In
addition, they offer counseling, educational workshops, outreach by phone, a variety of resource
material a variety of support groups. For example, for the months of July, August and September
they are offering a New Chapter Book Club, which consists of a monthly meeting where
individuals suffering loss of a loved one, come together and discuss a book related to grief and
loss. Each month they are meeting for the new book selection. In the meetings they will discuss
the assigned readings and talk about their feelings or experiences on what was read. In addition,
they offer a Music for the Soul series. This is a music therapy- based grief support series that last
six-weeks that is designated for those who have experienced loss. It is designed to use music and
other activities to help individuals identify and cope with their feelings associated to the loss in
an environment they feel safe in.
References
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Albuquerque, S., Buyukcan-Tetik, A., Stroebe, M. S., Schut, H. W., Narciso, I., Pereira, M., &
Finkenauer, C. (2017). Meaning and coping orientation of bereaved parents: Individual
and dyadic processes. Plos ONE, 12(6), 1-14. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0178861
Broderick, P.C., Blewitt, P. (2015). The life span: Human development for helping professional
(4th ed.) Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.
Christ, G. H., Bonanno, G., Malkinson, R., & Rubin, S. (2003). When Children Die: Improving
Palliative and End-of-Life Care for Children and Their Families. Washington, D.C.:
INSTITUTE OF MEDICINE OF THE NATIONAL ACADEMIES.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2005). The Death of a Child, The Grief of The
Parents: A Lifetime Journey. Retrieved September 17, 2017, from
http://www.cdcr.ca.gov/Wellness/docs/Grief-Of-Parents-Lifetime-Journey.pdf
U.S. National Center for Health Statistics. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office;
2000.
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