DIVORCE 2
Divorce and Its Impact on Children
Divorce or a dissolution of marriage is a permanent separation between two individuals
who once shared a union. It is more common now to divorce than before and every year children
are affected, and almost 50 percent of marriages fail (Kleinsorge & Covitz, 2012). In the past,
divorce did not take place simply because a person did not want to be married, proving infidelity
was the case, and it had to be true. Nowadays, adultery or infidelity is not the only reason why
people seek divorce as a resolution. Most couples plan to expand their families by having
children without the thought of getting divorced. Once the parents decide that being married is
not the answer anymore, they seek advice from their lawyers on ways to depart. Some divorces
are seamless while others end up in turmoil.
The impact of divorce does not only affect the adults in the situation, but it also
influences the children as well (Deshpande & Pandey, 2014). When a child is born into a loving
family, each parent must love and nurture the child as they develop each day. It is essential that a
child develops socially, emotionally, cognitively, through relationships, and morally. Once the
idea of divorce is brought up and entertained, parents should know and expect a change in their
children’s lives because now the child must adjust to their new norm. The change may not
happen immediately but can take place over time, depending on the severity, the adjustment
period, and the age. According to Broderick & Blewitt (2015), behavior status’ change
throughout people’s lives until their vessel no longer exist so when something such as divorce is
thrown into the mix; the development stage deviates in a downward spiral (p. 2).
Developmental Impact
The impact of divorce comes in various forms during different periods. Divorce in this
day in age may not be a derogatory thing to do, but the negative consequences that derive from it
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must be managed and minimized by parents during the development stage. Children from
infancy to adolescents are affected by the adverse effects of divorce.
Infants
During the developmental stage of a child who falls between the ages of a newborn to 18
months, shall experience a sense of trust. According to Broderick & Blewitt (2015), for infants
to believe, their parents must be a reliable source in their lives. Any inconsistencies shown will
give the baby room in becoming wary (p. 11). Although children are unable to comprehend the
extremities of divorce, the ambiance their parents are given is noticeable. During the time of
divorce, shared custody may take place. Now, the infant who once experienced both parents
around is now involved in two separate households. The development impact for babies during
that time could result in issues with eating, sleeping, and not having a reliable place to live
(Kleinsorge & Covitz, 2012). The lack of permanency could have them feeling agitated and in
distress.
Toddlers
Eighteen-month-olds up until the age of three may experience the same types of
symptoms as an infant such as having problems sleeping, but at this stage, they are aware that
they are living with only one parent. Also during this stage, toddlers like to be inimitable, so
they tend to play make-believe in their way and discover new things. When their parents are
preoccupied with the negative interactions and outburst, they put stress on the toddler leaving
them to feel unsafe. Toddlers may also lean on old habits, for example, a three-year-old who
begun speaking like a big boy or girl, relapse back to babbling like in infancy because their
parents no longer live together and they do not have the intellect to comprehend what they are
experiencing (Kleinsorge & Covitz, 2012).
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Preschoolers
During the preschoolers’ years, ages three to five, they like to explore and acquire new
skill sets. Having a sense of independence is one aspect of the developmental stage for
preschoolers. Dreams and fantasies are existent in the mind of a preschooler. When divorce
happens, the world of a preschooler is shattered. They are aware that their parents live in two
separate homes, wanting to know why, so they become persistent on pressing their caregiver on
the location of the other parent. When repeatedly questioning their caregiver, this development
process helps them settle with the response told on why only one parent is in the home
(Kleinsorge & Covitz, 2012). A preschooler’s goal, during their time of the fairy-tale intellectual
process, they desire to bring their parents back together.
School-age Children
The ages 6 to 12 years old typically are considered school-age children. During the years
between six and nine years old, they believe being a part of a complete family is important. If
their parents are contemplating divorce, they are not focused on that. Once the divorce becomes
relevant, they may begin to feel sad and unloved (Deshpande & Pandey, 2014). Also during this
period, they can understand things that are going on in the world and around them. Their
behavior begins to get out of hand, and their grades tend to drop (Anderson, 2014). They also
believe that they were the reason for the divorce just as toddlers felt (Kleinsorge & Covitz,
2012). When children are between the ages of 9 and 12 years old, their independence level
continues to grow, and their friends become more important. Sex becomes relevant to them, and
they tend to get involved early on in life (Anderson, 2014). They also begin to believe that since
their parents’ divorce that marriage will never be a serious vow (Anderson, 2014).
Adolescence
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During the youth years, age 13 to 18 years old, they are continuously going through
developmental stages and learning how to become independent like an adult, but they are not
quite there. Of course, they have a while to go before becoming an adult, but when divorce
occurs, they completely understand what it is and how it makes them feel. They too feel as if the
divorce is because of them and they may despise their parents for putting them through the
trauma.
Faith and Professional Perspective
All throughout the Bible, it references divorce as being a derogatory thing. In the New
Testament, Matthew 5:32 states, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except
on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced
woman commits adultery” (English Standard Version). Divorce is not derogatory in this day in
age, and because we are imperfect people, God is a forgiving God. “If we confess our sins, he is
faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” 1 Joh. 1:9.
Despite the issue at hand, Christian professionals must not judge but love and aid through the
power of His Word and their expertise.
The most important considerations for human service providers to know as they work
with families experiencing this impact to development is to remain active and listen to all parties.
Human service providers must also be the support system. Giving parents the right tools to
prevail during this time of hurt, disappointment, and separation can help with minimizing the
anguish and pain children are harboring. Working closely with children affected by divorce and
showing continuous involvement, even off schedule, proves to children that they care and would
love for them to feel whole again (Casey, 1991).
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Resources
As parents, things happen and people pull away from one another which leads to divorce.
When children are involved, you must find ways to lighten the situation that is tearing them
apart. This learner would like to recommend “Helping Children Cope with Divorce” by Edward
Teyber. This book advises parents on how to help their children adjust, addresses concerns they
may have during the breakup, and even have guidelines for parents. According to the reviews,
they all gave at least four stars or better. They were saying that the book is very beneficial for
parents going through a divorce. Purchase at https://www.amazon.com/Helping-Children-
Divorce-Revised-Updated/dp/078795554X?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag
=sa-b2b-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=078795554X.
Another resource visited was at http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/help-child-divorce.html#. Kids
Health has an article named “Helping Your Child Through Divorce.” This article not only guides
parents through divorce, but it has information for children and teens. Everyone affected can
find coping mechanisms. This website has other information that could be useful such as
information on communications, emotions, behavior, etc. When dealing with divorce, mothers
can also visit the “Just Between Us: Encouraging and Equipping Women for a Life of Faith”
website. There is a list of books for divorce recovery. One is “Healing the Divorced Heart:
Devotions for Hope and Encouragement” by Rose Sweet. If you click on the title, it is linked to
Amazon.com. Please visit http://justbetweenus.org/relationships/marriage-advice/dealing-with-
separation-or-divorce/.
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References
Anderson, J. (2014). The impact of family structure on the health of children: Effects of divorce.
The Linacre Quarterly, 81(4), 378-387.
http://doi.org.ezproxy.liberty.edu/10.1179/0024363914Z.00000000087
Broderick, P. C., & Blewitt, P. (2015). The life span: Human development for helping
professionals, (4th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.
Casey, P. J. (1991). Ministering to children of divorce: Helping children of divorce. Calvary
Baptist Theological Journal. Retrieved from
https://biblicalstudies.org.uk/pdf/cbtj/07-2_011.pdf
Deshpande, A., & Pandey, N. (2014). Psychological impact of parental divorce on children: A
qualitative study. Indian Journal of Health and Wellbeing, 5(10), 1201-1205.
Kleinsorge, C., & Covitz, L. M. (2012). Impact of divorce on children: Developmental
considerations. Pediatrics in Review, 33(4). doi:10.1542/pir.33-4-147
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