Thesis and Introduction Revision Assignment
Original Thesis Analysis:
The original thesis analysis in the argument made was that the overcrowding
caused by incarcerating individuals, like non-violent offenders, is causing a
problem with overpopulation inside the prison system. The author argues that
community-based sentencing and diversionary programs are two examples of
alternative sentencing that might lessen this problem while strengthening society.
To minimize the overcrowding, the argument emphasizes the necessity of only
imprisoning non-violent criminals for minor infractions and encourages the use of
other forms of punishment.
The thesis also underscores the frailties in the current judicial system.
Incarcerating non-violent offenders for minor offenses produces adverse effects on
society, such as a financial burden on the judicial system, and hinders
rehabilitation. The author hopes to reduce redundant incarcerations, advocate for
rehabilitation, and to minimize the burden on the prison system by arguing for
alternative punishments like community-based sentencing and diversion programs.
This will contribute to a more effective method of rehabilitating non-violent
offenders.
The analysis of the original thesis determines the significance of alternative punishments
by highlighting alternative punishments can foster positive societal issues, strengthen the legal
system, and fix the problem of overcrowded prisons.
Central Argument:
The central argument based on the synopsis given, is that the present policy of
automatically incarcerating people for minor infractions is a current factor in the overcrowding
of the judicial system. According to the author, the number of persons jailed for non-violent
crimes may be decreased, and the burden on the legal system could be lessened, by
implementing alternative punishments including diversion programs and community-based
sentencing choices.
Re-Written Thesis:
State, local, and federal laws are deeply ingrained in American society. These laws
safeguard the nation's citizens and the freedoms the country was established on. In our
continually shifting society, these regulations one day will become outdated. Despite mistakes
made by human error, imprisonment terms have helped to keep the nation safeguarded.
Unfortunately, prisons are often at risk of becoming overcrowded due to the substantial number
of minor drug offenses compared to the crime committed. By using alternative punishments for
minor offenses, this can fix the overcrowded prison system and decrease the number of people
taken away from their family and friends and maintain the economic, social, and personal
freedoms guaranteed by the constitution.
Rationale:
The revised thesis has been re-written to provide a more succinct and organized presentation of
the main argument through a logical flow of assertions that build upon one another. A syllogistic
flow emphasizes the relationship between the premises and the conclusion, which strengthens the
argument's coherence and persuasiveness. With a broad topic like imprisonment, it is best to
work with a deductive structure to lead the reader from the broad issue of prison overpopulation
to the individual solution of alternative punishments (Rice 2016).
In order to maintain the original argument, I structured the paragraph and included a clearer
exposition of the syllogism's premises. The theoretical presumption tackles the core of the
argument and delicately conveys the existence of a deviation—a prison without a problem with
overcrowding. The categorical premise then affirms the antecedent term, and the conclusion
affirms the overall proposition (Rice 2017). I included the last focus on the problem and the
relationship between the problem and solution, but I left out the hypothetical premise and
allowed the reader to connect the two premises.
