Relationship Satisfaction Themes
Each participant was asked two questions regarding relationship satisfaction in their
current romantic relationship. They were asked to reflect on their life experience to answer
the following questions:
•What does (romantic) relationship satisfaction mean to you?
•What would you attribute to your (romantic) relationship satisfaction?
The themes found for relationship satisfaction were collected from these answers. While
each woman has a different life experience, four themes were found across transcripts from
these questions. The four themes will be discussed in this section.
Theme 1: Commitment
Five of the six participants identified commitment as necessary to relationship
satisfaction. The participants explored ideas of physical and emotional security, effort,
and permanence.
Brandi offers insight into her relationship and how commitment has contributed
to satisfaction. She expresses:
So that’s attractive to me to build and grow a longer-term relationship, and yeah, I
mean like he just really takes care of me. I think that’s romantic, and he takes care of
me and knows that I don’t need taking care of…. I feel so interwoven into who we are
together…. There’s way much more to do in this world than not know where you stand
with the most important person in the world. So just that, yeah, that steadiness
and stability is romantic to me.
Brandi reflects on the effort of building and growing a long-term relationship with her
husband. Through commitment she feels taken care of, connected, and it provides stability for
her. Vicky finds reassurance in the faithfulness of her marriage. She states:
I think just that positive feeling to know … that we’re faithful to each other. We're in this
for a lifetime. We share kids and grandkids. Those are the things that are important to
both of us.
The commitment to their relationship also reflects their shared values and ultimately satisfaction.
Alison comments on the permanence of marriage. The commitment in her relationship
encourages communication and conflict resolution. She details:
There's also a permanence which I think weeds dissatisfaction. So, in both of our worlds, we
have, in our minds, we have a covenant marriage, that's it. That's the only way you're getting
out…. If you are not getting out, you're going to try a little harder because you're
either going to be miserable for the next 50 years, or you're going to be happy. But
either way, you're still going to be together in 50 years so, you gotta work it out. So,
permanence, I think, is helpful even in the big nasty fights which we don't have a lot of,
but we do have them. There's a permanence there that I think just underlays everything.
Through Alison’s experience, it is evident that permanence or commitment provides
physical and emotional security for conflict and resolution. Sue relates to Alison’s
experience. She reports:
Just committing and choosing that person again and again and again. Even when it's hard
and even when it's tough because there are going to be days when you don't like that
other person. There may be times when you feel a great sense of dissatisfaction or
boredom or anger and those things will come in. That's just human nature. We're
sinners and so we're going to sin in our marriages and do things that make the other
person unhappy.
The commitment is not about happiness, but security. Through these lived experiences, it
is illustrated how security in a relationship provides satisfaction in the long-term.
Theme 2: Supportive Communication
Five of the six participants identified supportive communication as a major contributor
to positive body image. This is illustrated through their discussion around open and honest
communication with their partner, words of affirmation, encouragement, validation, and
reassurance.
Carissa emphasizes how important words of affirmation are when she states: “I feel
like the quality time and the verbal words of affirmation, those types of things are definitely
more important than physical aspects.” Vicky echoed this when she discussed the positive
words her husband shares with her. She states:
Him being positive, him saying words like, “you're gonna make it, you'll get through
this.” That was romance to me. The positive side. Romance means nothing as far as
you know, buying me things …. I don't need that, but I need his positive support.
Her husband’s positive support through words sustains Vicky and contributes to satisfaction.
Similarly, Sue reflected on communication with her husband as vital. She stated:
And all the things like respect, courtesy, showing gratitude, having fun together,
working things out together, going to the other person with a concern, those things. That
communication is just key.
Through all necessary components of satisfaction, communication stands out to Sue.
Conversely, Joan reflected on supportive communication through dependability, stability, and
words of affirmation. She declared:
I knew where he was at. I knew what he was thinking. He was sharing. I mean, he’s
sending me these cards …. In all of these cards they’re not just fluff and stuff. They’re
cards saying you respect yourself; you take care of yourself, you know. He’s telling me
what he likes about me and that is what made me know his image or what he was seeing
…. The relationship wasn’t based on how nice I looked every time we got together.
Joan also discussed explicit communication from her husband while they were dating
that contributed to trust, respect, and contributed to her positive body image and
relationship satisfaction. She asserts:
[My husband’s] openness and honesty with me, that really gave me the confidence that
[my husband] was being truthful and honest about that he loved my body. He thought I
was beautiful. He was respectful. He was very open about what he was looking
forward to. And that was so helpful for me so that it built my body image.
Through supportive communication with her husband, Joan was able to trust and find
satisfaction in her marriage.
Theme 3: Enjoyment
Five of the six participants identified enjoyment of and with their partner as important
to relationship satisfaction. Included in this theme is quality time, growing together, and a
genuine appreciation and respect for the personality of their partner.
Carissa defines romance through quality time when she states, “Romance to us is going
ice fishing or doing those types of things.” She reflects on the enjoyment of her boyfriend by
saying, “We spend like all of our time together.” Alison also identified a desire for quality
time due to the enjoyment of her spouse. She expresses:
We're just happiest together. At the end of the day, there's nowhere we'd rather be next
to each other sitting on our couch. Like we just like each other. We genuinely like each
other. And we're just genuinely content to be together even in the ebbs, we’re content.
And I think there's a lot of value in contentedness when people chase happiness and they
chase all these fleeting things, but there's value in contentedness. And I think we both
realize that.
Alison discusses contentedness with her husband. This enjoyment of him and their time together
contributes to relationship satisfaction. Vicky also commented on her enjoyment of her husband.
She declares:
I like my husband. I like his personality…. I just really like him. I like his positive
attitude. He's never negative. He never talks bad about anybody. So yeah, not only did I
love him romantically and physically when we got married. But that love changes
where now I just respect him so much more.
The enjoyment she experiences with her husband contributes to an increase in respect.
Relationship satisfaction is illustrated through enjoyment by these women’s lived experiences.
Theme 4: Shared Beliefs
Five of the six participants identified shared beliefs including faith, spiritual beliefs,
morals, values, and goals. Many of these five women asserted that a shared belief system is
foundational to relationship success and satisfaction.
Brandi identified shared spiritual and moral beliefs with her husband that contribute
to relationship satisfaction. She declares:
We would lean more toward Humanism, Spiritual Humanist. And so we're kind of like here
now in the present for as long as we are in the present doing as best we can with the tools
that we have at the time with each other, with our children, with our family, with our friends,
with the society at large, and try to leave a legacy that is, that speaks those values…. I would
say where we really key in is nature. So, we love the outdoors, we love
swimming, we love biking, cycling. We've done things as a family to that effect.
Triathlon, swimming, biking, running, all seasons, getting outside, enjoying all of those
things, and really feeling at peace and part of something larger than ourselves when
we're there.
Shared beliefs and morals contribute to the legacy that they intend to leave, and these
shared activities that connect them to something larger than themselves contribute to
relationship satisfaction.
Sue identified their shared Christian faith as the foundation of their marriage.
These shared values are incredibly important. She asserts:
And of course, you know, having that relationship with the Lord… undergirds the
whole marriage. It doesn’t for everybody, but for us it has…. knowing that we have that
foundation in the Lord is key.
Similarly, Joan and her husband also view their shared faith as the foundation of their
marriage. They rely on their relationship with Jesus Christ before they turn to each other in
conflict and problem-solving. She discusses:
Both [my husband] and I believe marriage is a gift from God. And if there's challenges
you know whatever is going on that are challenges. Is it first something each of us needs
to look at in our relationship with Jesus Christ. Because that it took us several years to
really grasp that. That is, love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your soul,
with all your mind, and then your neighbor or your spouse as yourself. And if we get the
relationship between me and my Lord, the [my husband] and his Lord, if we can get that
one right, boy, a lot of the other problems between me and [my husband] fall in line.
Vicky also describes this shared Christian faith in marriage as essential. Their shared
faith contributed to their views on marriage and commitment. She states:
We both love the Lord …. We both knew we wanted to marry Christians, and we both
knew when we went into marriage it was forever …. So, I just think seeing things
spiritually the same. And that enters into a lot of other things. How you see things
politically, or how you see things as far as what you want to raise your child. You
know, it’s such a common denominator for so many areas. How you’re going to spend
your money.
Vicky explores how their spiritual beliefs are the basis for their views in other life spaces.
She reflects on how their foundational spiritual beliefs influence other beliefs, values, and
goals in their lives.
Influence Themes
Each participant was asked two questions to better understand the connection
between positive body image and relationship satisfaction. They were asked to reflect on
their life experience to answer the following questions:
•Has your body image impacted your romantic relationship?
•Has your romantic relationship impacted your body image?
The themes found for influence were collected from these answers. Each woman reflected on
ways in which their body image influenced the relationship and ways in which their relationship
influenced their body image. These findings will be discussed further in this section.
Theme 1: Positive Body Image Influences Romantic Relationship Satisfaction
Out of the six participants, five identified positive body image impacting their
relationship through satisfaction or engagement. Participants identified emotional and physical
effects due to body image. Participants reflected on their confidence, comfortability, value,
and worth.
Vicky explores the connection between body image and relationship satisfaction by
remembering how her positive body image as a teenager influenced her self-worth and dating
standards that led to her marrying her husband. She states:
As I became a teenager, because I felt okay about myself, I felt like I was worthy to be
asked out or worthy of someone that was quality. You know, I didn't set my standards
low. So, I think how you feel about yourself, maybe not just in one romantic relationship,
but how you feel about yourself and who you date, you end up with ... I just felt like I set
my standards high because I felt like I was worthwhile.
Vicky was able to enter into relationships with a positive sense of self which contributed to her
ability to engage, maintain self-worth, and set appropriate standards for a romantic
relationship. Alison also discusses how self-worth, confidence, and comfortability contribute to
a satisfying relationship. Alison states:
I'm not ashamed of [my body], and I don't try and hide it. Men are very, very visual
creatures. They just are. So, I think he adores the fact that I'm comfortable in my own
skin…. I have never once looked at him, said I look so fat. Like I've never done that, so I
think he appreciates that I tried to keep myself healthy, and I think he appreciates that I’m
comfortable in my own skin because then it allows him to desire me…. I think the fact
that I'm comfortable in my own skin translates into being a little more forward in our
relationship… Men want to be desired too, and so I think that's helpful for both of us.
For Alison and her husband, her comfortability and positive body image translate into a
satisfying sexual relationship and overall relationship satisfaction. Brandi’s experience illustrates
the importance of positive body image for engagement in the sexual and emotional aspects of
relationships. Brandi reflects on the interconnectedness of life spaces as she expresses:
If I'm just not like engaging in my self-care…. The chips begin to fall. Whether it's with
intimacy, whether it's with communication, whether it's with connection, whether
it's connection with the kids, or connection with [my husband] or friends or family.
If Brandi is not engaging in a self-care routine that maintains her body image, she is not able to
show up intimately and authentically in all her relationships, including her marital relationship.
