CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 1
Conflict Styles Assessment and Reflection
Frank D’Errico
School of Education, Liberty University
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 2
Conflict Styles Assessment and Reflection
Part One
Conflict Style Number of Times
Selected on the
Assessment
Percentage Scores
1. Problem Solver 7 23.3%
2. Accommodator 7 23.3%
3. Avoider 8 27%
4. Competer 1 3%
5. Compromiser 7 23.3%
Part Two
Categories Conflict Style Agree/Disagree
(Y/N)
Highest Scoring Avoider Yes
Lowest Scoring Competer Yes
In analyzing the results of the assessment, I agree with the findings in that the primary
style I use to address conflict is in the form of avoidance; however, this style is not to avoid
conflict giving the appearance that conflict does not exist or the appearance of a lower concern of
those parties who are part of the conflict (Barsky, 2017). Whether the conflict is within my
personal life or my role as a vice principal, the presence of information often takes time to sort
through within my mind; I prefer to process data and critical information before reacting to a
given situation when able to. To the unknown person, this may appear to be avoiding a conflict
altogether. The temporary avoidance allows me to analyze all the information, process what has
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 3
taken place, and, depending on what took place, determine what steps need to occur on my end,
such as an apology or if the conflict takes place in a professional capacity the next set of action
steps to begin resolving said conflict. As James would remind us in the scriptures, part of that
process is "to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not
achieve the righteousness of God "(New American Standard Version, 1960/2020, James 1: 19-
20). This, at times, requires stepping away after hearing information and sorting through it before
responding to it, but most importantly, letting those who are part of the conflict know that a time
of processing needs to take place and a time to meet and discuss should be set to further discuss.
The assessment accurately highlighted that I am least likely to utilize a competer style to
address conflict. I address conflict with assertiveness however, I do not exert power in an attempt
to dominate and gain influence over others (Barsky, 2017). The position of a vice principal
requires one to be a leader, and if no one is following behind me, then I am not leading very
well. As an individual who works with discipline all day, influence by power has not proven
effective, but influencing others has developed through relationships. I learned to perform my
job in many ways through being a husband and parent; leading takes an approach that, although
it requires tough conversations and direction, often faces resistance at times with dominance. I
still address errors and mistakes but also highlight the positives and areas of growth, I look to
work together and foster collaboration rather than how I can win and have my agenda move
solely forward (Barsky, 2017).
Categories Conflict Style
Most Surprising Compromiser
Least Surprising Avoider
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 4
Reflecting on how many conflicts I have encountered; compromising was different from
what comes to mind regarding the approach using my definition. Barsky (2017) highlights that
although this style results in partial wins for some, it also results in partial losses as something
also has to be given up. This revelation that has now come to light is the idea that to compromise
often seems like losing, but like being a vice principal; there is a compromise that sometimes
serves as a valuable use of approach when it comes to working within student discipline. As a
growing learner in the realm of restorative practices, there is some compromise that takes place
for the better good of the culture and climate of the school and the growth of the student overall.
As a person who prides themself on not compromising, this result was frustrating at first;
however, what has been revealed to me is that there are times in conflict when this approach is
appropriate and necessary while other times in parts of life it is non-negotiable.
On the other hand, I am not surprised that I am an avoider because the word of God
continues to be the essential guide in my life to navigate through all situations, whether it is my
personal life, as previously mentioned, marriage and parenting, or my life as a school
administrator. Part of being able to handle conflict is knowing the damage that words often bring
about: "wise people store up knowledge, but with the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand" (New
American Standard Version, 1960/2020, Proverbs 10:14). Understanding the power and damage
that can come from words and the impulsive tongue, the word of God continues to be the
reminder that avoidance for restraint will allow us to store up knowledge then bring about our
ruin and dishonor to the Lord.
Part Three – Academic Reflection
Avoidance at face value appears to have two sides of a coin, one that gives an appearance
that the conflict has little meaning, does not exist, or has a lower concern for others and a low
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 5
concern for self (Barsky, 2017; Tabassi et al, 2017). On the other hand, regarding areas of
strength, Barsky (2017) indicates that it can allow for a more constructive time to take place later
to address the conflict. It is within the innate nature of human behavior to come to a fight or
flight defense when conflict arises; all too often, the flight response kicks in (Harris, 2022).
When conflict arises, rather than moving towards each other, the impulsive feeling of
comfortability is to move apart, which is the opposite of what Jesus would teach the disciples.
The Apostle Paul would send a powerful reminder to the church of Corinthians: "Examine
yourselves to see if you are in the faith, examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about
yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you unless indeed you fail the test" (New American Standard
Version, 1960/2020, 2 Corinthians 13:5)?
Evolution of technology has now evolved to where people have moved from phone calls
to text messages, visits to face time; the idea that physical presence has somehow lost its value
because of the development of a screen phone, but God did not create us to be apart from one
another but to live in fellowship with one another (Harris, 2022). The scripture reminds us to
examine ourselves to see if there is conflict, and when convictions reveal it, do not avoid it but
go to your brother in private; if he listens, you have gained a brother; if he does not listen, take
one or two more, and do not just walk away from it (New American Standard Version,
1960/2020, Matthew 10:18). Avoidance strategically can help successfully navigate conflict but
if its use is to only avoid and not circle back to the problem the conflict will continue to grow
while the model Jesus has shown will be ineffective.
There are times when attempting to reconcile with conflict is not mainly on the heart of
the individual or was an option for the other party that is involved with the conflict, but often,
people are willing to accommodate others when there is a high value for that relationship
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 6
proposing a lose win which is a partial strength of this style of conflict resolution (Barsky, 2017;
Tabassi et al, 2017). As a vice principal, learning to accommodate parents has been a learning
experience. Parents will often show up at the school and demand meetings with me, especially if
there was an incident with their child that took place. Understanding the value of parents'
participation and availability has limitations. I often try to accommodate them when one shows
up; however, what experience has shown me is that accommodating parents with high emotions
often has not been beneficial to any involved parties, specifically when there is a conflict
involved. There is an array of opinions, differences in policies, and views, and despite all that, I
must be an example of what it looks like to be like Jesus. Schreiner (2022), notes that it is
essential to continue to be a nonanxious presence in the presence of those who are anxious,
continue to be unworried, peaceful, calm, and steady, amid any chaos. It is essential to remain
cheerful and encouraging even as the darts of piercing words fly because when the dust settles,
parents, teachers, and students need to know that their vice principal is there for them. The
weaker side of this conflict style I find that the results that develop from these sessions may often
be a result of compliance rather than the person's actual intent of the agreement, often stemming
from personal relationships or the result of having personal regard for the individual who is
involved with the circumstance; for example, often students will agree to something because of
their relationship with me at school but in actuality have no intention on carrying out on the
agreement (Barsky, 2017).
The general hope is that the results and outcomes will allow for change; however,
evidence has shown minimal success in exerting power to influence others giving a lower
concern for others and a high concern for self (Tabassi et al, 2017). Utilizing the competing style
offers a weaker approach in the long run, as results show that when teachers are under the
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 7
impression that something is being implemented through power and force, cooperation on the
receiving end is at a minimum. As a new initiative, there was a great conflict with the number of
students out of the classroom, using the bathroom, and the inability to track where they were
from class to class. As a result, I worked with the admin team to start a new system that would
implement an online pass system. This system would now require students to create an online
pass, which would help track where students were, where they were going, and what teachers
were sending them out. Staff were unhappy and not using the system, which led to me issuing
letters via email and eventually calling them in for meetings. Many staff were unhappy with how
this was set up and were unwilling to work alongside the initiative. The scripture reaffirms us to
be meek, "blessed are the gentle, for they will inherit the earth (New American Standard
Version, 1960/2020, Matthew 5:5). Competing puts more emphasis on highlighting the wrongs
of others, imposing one's will, utilizing aggressive behaviors, and works in a strategic manner to
find a way that will be most effective (Barsky, 2017). These characteristics counter the way of
Jesus Christ, contrary to the model Jesus would demonstrate and opposite of the teaching of the
Sermon on the Mount. John the Baptist counters this approach with one simple line "he must
increase, but I must decrease" (New American Standard Version, 1960/2020, John 3:30-31).
Compromising allows others to pay attention to both the needs of others as well as
themselves; in this style, you win a little, but at the same time, you lose a little (Barsky, 2017).
The strength of this style is that there is room to give and get, but at the same time, the weaker
part is that. There must be an ability to provide and lose. The ability to give is where stronger
relationships can be given, which is counter to what the computer-style provides (Barsky, 2017).
The unfortunate part of this style is the value left on the table and the loss of resources; however,
it provides a win-win in that it is a partial loss. Compromise can give off this negative sound;
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 8
however, when utilized in the proper context, it offers excellent benefits; as a vice principal of
discipline, there are times when compromise is the solution to the conflict. For example, there
are times when the compromise is changing a student's lunch period, study hall, or pass
accessibility over a discipline infraction. The overall area of concern that arises with the use of
this style is that sometimes, to many others, it looks like unfairness; this has been something that
staff, students, and other parents often come and dispute within the vice principal's office; this is
not fair. Necessarily, I do not like the term compromise because of the definition in which one
defines it. Instead, I look at it as addressing the needs of each individual based on their situation.
I would look at the word compromise and say that when it comes to my walk with Christ, there is
no room for compromise; when it comes to my marriage or raising my children, compromise
would not exist in my vocabulary. However, as a vice principal, giving and taking for that
individual's overall benefit is much more appropriate. This style can have strengths and
weaknesses depending on the context within its application.
Problem solving is a style that provides a strategic approach to addressing the needs of
both the individual and the involved party's needs. Collaborating provides a win-win strategy
that goes to the depths to seek out the needs of all parties involved. This style offers excellent
strength in that it provides a way for all members not only to participate but also gives each
participant a pathway to express their needs, wants, and thoughts. This method allows the team
to work together collaboratively to work out any issues suitably (Barsky, 2017). The hardest part
of working with staff collaboratively is getting a group representing the values of a general team;
going into teacher contract negotiations was an eye-opening experience as this was my first time
on the other side of the table. Working collaboratively with staff is a great experience as there
was some conflict over contractual issues; however, the team working together with the
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 9
administration was only a tiny portion of the general teacher union; this meant that every time
the team could resolve a pending issue their team had to go back and present to their team, it
only took a few members to shoot down the proposal to go back to the drawing board. In the
grand scheme, this was the best approach to handling most conflicts, specifically in my
professional career, because it allowed the building to function as a team and staff to provide
critical insight and hear their voices. However, when things are a certain way, and although their
insight is greatly appreciated, the response is not always received as well when they disagree; it
has become my observation that because their voice is often welcome and a seat given at the
table, they expect that their voice will lead to change. As a newer administration team has
formed over the last three years and the team’s style has not been embraced overall by some of
the senior staff some induced conflict has begun to surface (Cemaloglu & Duykuluoglu, 2019). It
has become crucial that firm boundaries exist with clear expectations when teachers and other
staff members work collaboratively alongside us within specific commitments and meetings
(Bailey, 2023).
Part Four – Biblical Reflection
When it comes to the grand truth of it all, my ability to handle conflict alone is
ineffective. Apart from Jesus, my true self at its bare core, the flesh, is not one to want to give in,
compromise with others, or want to lose. Those are harsh things to say, reveal about myself, and
admit, but I have to come to terms with who I was before the cross; I was a person who wanted
to win, get ahead, and do what was needed to get there. I am not shocked that the competer is my
lowest score now, but before Christ, that would have been my highest because I function under
the standards of what success was defined by in the eyes of the world. It is through Christ, the
power of the Holy Spirit, that I live not as the man I was, and see things as the blind still do.
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 10
However, now I am no longer conformed to the ways of the world but transformed by the
renewing of my mind through the word of God (New American Standard Version, 1960/2020,
Romans 12:2). What I must first do when conflict arises whether I am on the end that is having
conflict or the end that has to address the conflict is take me out of it, I must seek the Lord, in all
areas of my life and follow for me one of the wisest parts of scripture, "Trust in the Lord with all
your heart and do not lean on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He
will make your paths straight” (New American Standard Version, 1960/2020, Proverbs 3:5-6). I
cannot trust my understanding; I must trust God and acknowledge Him. I have to trust in His
ways because I will sometimes trust in my knowledge and fail to see the grace and mercy I
should give to individuals in many instances. After all, I fail to remember the grace and mercy
that God gives me at times daily.
It becomes equivocally essential to remember God's grace and mercy; if I fail to lean on
God and trust my understanding, it is easy for me, whether it be, as I mentioned previously, my
marriage, as a parent, or my role as a vice principal to find myself embracing my emotions which
will lie to me and finding myself in situations that can produce moments of anger which not only
produce bad fruit but do not honor God. Abel's inability to address his anger led to the murder of
his brother who as a competer causing him to feel felt the need to be number one, my results
identify it is unlike me to currently resolve conflict by this way. The Apostle Paul reminds the
church of Ephesus: "Be angry, and yet do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, and
do not give the devil an opportunity" (New American Standard Version, 1960/2020, Ephesians
4:26-28). Conflict has a way at times of bringing about anger; the way the conflict is addressed
can delay the ability to resolve it, but this is an excellent reminder that one way to control anger
is not to let it sit unresolved; conflict resolution is a critical component to helping elevate this,
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 11
the scripture is reminding us not to let the enemy have a way to sneak in a get a hold of us when
our emotions are high, Avoidance for me has moved from a way of not acknowledging it to
letting me evaluate the situation, process everything and now go back and address it. There was a
time when I would continue to sit on it, and the sun would set on my anger, and that would,
unfortunately, turn into action; the Lord has continued to bring me through this process as it
continues to be a journey.
A great way to help eliminate high tension and conflict from elevating to levels of anger
is the ability to turn wrath away with a gentle answer because harsh words will undoubtedly stir
up anger (New American Standard Version, 1960/2020, Proverbs 15:1). One of the keys to
having success in problem-solving, the ability to compromise and accommodate in conflicts is
the strength in having effective communication. It has been a long-time struggle of mine when
individuals use a verbally aggressive tone with me. I immediately become defensive, and my
willingness to move forward shuts down; as the scripture notes, it stirs up anger in me.
Therefore, I maintain a soft tone and redirect the conversation with a gentle voice, knowing the
trigger is for me. As a vice principal of discipline, I often get the brunt of the conversations. I get
a tone of choice words and continue to provide positive feedback, but when emotions are high,
the choice of words is cheerful. Although it is not helpful for resolving the conflict, I understand
that a harsh response will only fuel the word storm even more; therefore, many times, the
meeting often is unable to be resolved at the current time. However, there are times when a soft
word and gentle phrase redirects the flow of the conversation and turns away the wrath of an
individual; those days are a reminder of how powerful the Holy Spirit is in those moments; it is a
reminder at times of when Jesus ceases the storm. The reminder is that oftentimes I forget that
Jesus did not just model how to take on conflict, but He left me with the power to do it, the
CONFLICT STYLES ASSESSMENT 12
power of the Holy Spirit to guide me through it. Jesus reminds the disciples, "I will ask the
Father, and He will give you another Helper, so that He may be with you forever; the Helper
is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it does not see Him or know Him;
but you know Him because He remains with you and will be in you"(New American Standard
Version, 1960/2020, John 14:16-17).
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References
Bailey, R., (2023). How to handle a difficult small group member. Women’s Ministry.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/difficult-small-group-member/
Barsky, A. E. (2017). Conflict resolution for the helping professions: Negotiation, mediation,
advocacy, facilitation, and restorative justice (Third ed.). Oxford University Press.
Cemaloğlu, N., & Duykuluoğlu, A. (2019). Relationship between teachers’ workplace friendship
perceptions and conflict management styles. International Education Studies, 12(9), 42–
53. https://doi.org/10.5539/ies.v12n9p42
Harris, A. M., (2002). Don’t keep your distance! Why physical presence matters for hurting
Christians. Christian Living. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/keep-distance-
presence-matters/
New American Standard Bible. (2020). New American Standard Bible Online.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%204&version=NASB
(Original work published 1960).
Schreiner, P. (2022). What can pastors do about political division? Ministry.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/political-division/
Tabassi, A. A., Bryde, D. J., Abdullah, A., & Argyropoulou, M. (2017). Conflict management
style of team leaders in multi-cultural work environment in the construction industry.
Procedia Computer Science, 121, 41–46.
https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1016/j.procs.2017.11.007.
