Topic: Discuss the history we have of blaming parents for the disabilities of their
children. In what ways have we changed our views? What areas of disabilities do
you believe society is often still willing to blame on the actions of the parents?
Share any thoughts you may have after watching the Father/Son Athlete
presentation. Discuss our role as Christians in lifting these families up, rather then
judging or blaming the parents.
During Module/Week 4, respond to another student's comments on working with
parents and families of children with disabilities.
Your thread is due by 11:59 p.m. (ET) on Sunday of Module/Week 3, and your
replies are due by 11:59 p.m. (ET) on Thursday of Module/Week 4.
Parents of special needs children are prone to blaming themselves about their child’s disorder. But
nothing that the parents did or could have done would have prevented it. Time and again parents, who
are told that their child has some sort of disability or disorder, wonder what they, as parents, did wrong
or worry that other family members will blame them. They often get advice from people who think they
have a clue as to what their situation truly is. The frustrating part is that it could lead to the parents
doubting themselves and questioning again about what they could be doing differently. All parents at
one time or another blame themselves for their child’s choice of behavior; it is human nature and
characteristic of being a parent. But what parents need to recognize is that there are things that are out
of their control, and thus should not be blamed. There are things that are changeable so those things
need to be addressed. But there should not be blame given when dealing with special needs. There are
things that can be changed and should be identified realistically. Blame does no good for the child and it
does not fix the problem; it just distracts from finding a solution.
The areas that society still blames parents about the disability of their children can be found in school
systems when a child does not achieve the successes set forth in their academic plan. The school system
may target the parent and regardless of whether or not plans have been implemented in the home, the
stigma has already been established that the parents may not be the type to follow through. No matter
the likability of the parents or the stability of the home IDEA 2004 (Hallahan and Kauffman, 2012) states
that each student with disabilities receives special education services that they require.
The video of Team Hoyt was very inspirational. It touched my heart to the point of tears. When watching
the determination that Dick had for his son was truly uplifting. They have been an inspiration to others
they have touched during their races and through their media attention. It is a welcome relief to hear
their story as news as opposed to other negativity in the media today. One of my favorite verses and
often used is Phillipians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (NKJV). Even
though through the years I have learned that the meaning of this verse is not what most think it is, I still
feel as though it is powerful and appropriate for positivity and, like the Hoyts, motivational.
Kristen Moore – DB Forum 3:
References
Hallahan, D. and Kauffman, J. (2012). Exceptional learners: An introduction to special education. Boston,
MA: Pearson.
While considering this week's discussion forum, I thought about the story from John 9:1-
17. In this passage, the disciples question Jesus about a beggar who had been blind
since birth. They ask, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born
blind?" Jesus' answer is, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the
works of God might be displayed in him" (John 9:2-3 NIV). The disciples' question
expresses their idea that the suffering of the blind man was caused by sin. More directly,
they were ready to place blame on the parents for the man's disability.
Like the disciples, many people attempt to make sense of the world around them by
trying to find cause-and-effect relationships.
Hallahan, Kauffman, and Pullen (2012) describe a
number of environmental influences - malnutrition, radiation, substance abuse - which are connected
to devastating effects on fetal brain development. Certainly, sinful behavior can result in disease and
disability, and mothers who put their unborn children at risk should be held responsible for their
actions. But to assume that all disabilities are the result of parents' choices and behaviors
demonstrates a lack of mercy and compassion for those who are dealing with disabilities.
While attitudes toward disabilities have begun to change, many people still want to pinpoint reasons
for disabilities. Unfortunately, sometimes there are not clear answers. In these instances, we have a
choice: we can focus on "Why me?"; we can become angry and bitter; or we can accept our
circumstances and trust that we serve an all-powerful, all-loving God who allows - not causes - difficult
circumstances to happen.
Nearly three years ago, my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Although not an
intellectual or developmental disability, Type 1 diabetes impacts families in a very similar way,
especially when the diagnosis is for a young child. The family goes from "normal" to out-of-control in
the blink of an eye. No day is like another, the family focus shifts to the one child, and the stress of
medical bills, specialized care, and the unknown become overwhelming. As parents, my husband and I
went through the stages of denial, anger, guilt, sadness, and eventual acceptance. We have dealt with
insensitive comments (You must have fed her too much sugar.) and insane questions (Doesn't diabetes
just affect heavy, old people?). We asked "Why us?" and blamed ourselves when we learned that
possible causes of diabetes are genetics and environmental factors. We had to work through feelings
that we had failed our daughter. When parents are already criticizing themselves over their child's
diagnosis, the last thing they need to hear are those same criticisms echoed by the public.
We were fortunate to have a wonderful group of Christian friends who supported us, listened to our
fears, and encouraged us to keep moving forward. As educators, we must do the same for our families
who are dealing with disabilities. We are called to demonstrate compassion, grace, and love. We must
invest in these families and let them know that we find value and ability in their children. This task
may require extra time, work, and energy, but children with disabilities deserve no less than our best.
Dick Hoyt is an amazing example of why investing time in children with disabilities is so important.
When given the opportunity to institutionalize his son, Rick, Dick Hoyt demonstrated unconditional
love, looked beyond his son's disability, and recognized his son's value and worth. Dick and his wife
saw what others did not take the time to see. As a result, the boy who doctors thought would be a
vegetable is now a college graduate, an author, and an inspiration. Team Hoyt presents a powerful
message of hope. That message of hope is what we must share with families of children with
disabilities.
Reference
Hallahan, D., Kauffman, J., & Pullen, P. (2012). Exceptional learners: An introduction to special
education (12 ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson Education, Inc.
As educators, we must do the same for our families who are dealing
with disabilities. We are called to demonstrate compassion, grace, and
love. We must invest in these families and let them know that we find
value and ability in their children. This task may require extra time,
work, and energy, but children with disabilities deserve no less than
our best.”
Your words are remarkable! We should expect nothing less since we are teachers of others, we should
expect to learn ourselves. When we are met with something that we do not know about, our nature is
to get educated. Being the Christians we are and devoting our lives to others does not mean we pick
and chose the ones that come across our paths, we are educators of all. Great post!
Reply to Kristen Moore:
Hi Kristen – I couldn’t agree with you more about the passage that you chose and the direction it took
you to discuss the choices that some mothers take during pregnancy that may put their child at risk of
developing irreversible effects. During my time as a Child Protective Services worker, I had to visit the
NICU on several occasions due to the hospital calling when a newborn would test positive for substances
and the infant was going through withdrawals. Thanks to safe and dedicated foster families, several of
these mothers didn’t get to take their babies home because of the choices they made and the danger
they put their baby in. Since the babies were still so young, I’m not sure if they had or would develop any
types of disabilities other than the symptoms of withdrawals or not. Thank you for describing what you
and your family have gone through with your daughter. It is so admirable to hear about the strength that
you and your family have against the insensitivity and ignorance of others. It is also uplifting that you had
the support of your friends to help you through.
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