ECDO_815_Forum_3_Module_week4.docx.pdf

Welcome to Module/Week 4.

Thankfully we have a relatively light week for this Module! I hope that you are able to

catch your breath as we prepare for the second half of this class. There is a lot to

absorb, so thank you for your persistence with reading and your thoughtful

contributions in the forums and course assignment.

The reading schedule for this week is provided below. Take some time to plan

out how you will continue to stay on top of it. We’ll submit another Reading

Report next module.

Balswick: chs. 6, 14, 16 Amazon kindle

Carter & McGoldrick: chs. 9, 14–15 ch. 9 pg 172 -186 Ch 14-15 pg 259

-300 desktop

Garland: ch. 6 Freda

Kostenberger: ch. 7 red book pg 129-152

Yarhouse: chs. 7–8 white big book pg 166-217

The only assignment due this week is Family Development Scenario Forum 2. Take a

look back at my feedback from your first initial post to guide you. As a group, you did

very well on this assignment. The initial thread is due by midnight (EST) on

Thursday, and replies are due by midnight (EST) on Sunday.

I know that many of you continue to experience challenges related to COVID 19. Please reach

out to let me know how I can support you.

Warmly,

Dr. Boatner

FAMILY DEVELOPMENT SCENARIO FORUMS INSTRUCTIONS

Purpose:

The Family Development Scenario Forums are designed to give you the opportunity to interact with real-

life examples/scenarios affecting the family and its development. You will read and interact with course

texts and articles supplied with the course materials using the Discussion Board Forum tool and

addressing the prescribed questions associated with each scenario.

You will create a thread in response to the provided prompt for each forum. Each thread must be at least

400 words, demonstrate course-related knowledge, and include at least 2 scholarly references. In

addition to the thread, you are required to reply to a minimum of 2 other classmates’ threads. Each reply

must be at least 250 words and include at least 1 scholarly reference in current APA format.

Instructions:

Respond to the following for each family development scenario:

Present your initial impressions.

What are the concerns in this scenario?

What are the tensions in this scenario?

What are the implications for family development?

What is your response in this scenario?

What is the most important take-away?

Welcome to Module/Week 4

Family Development Scenario Forum 2

This week’s reading included Balswick: chs. 6, 14, 16, Carter & McGoldrick: chs. 9, 14–

15, Garland: ch. 6, Kostenberger: ch. 7, and Yarhouse: chs. 7–8 gave me a lot to think about.

The family system seems to be a very fluid system these days. Melisa Hurst PhD. States that

what one person see as a family can be very different than another person’s view. During the

1990’s when a man and women meet and feel a connection their relationship could end up in a

marriage and children; making a family, however, in the 2020’s a man may met another man, a

woman might be attracted to another women or a man and women my become a couple. The

changes between what makes a couple has dramatically affected what makes a family. “Couples

come in many varieties: gay and straight, married and unmarried, ambitious tall wives and short,

nurturing homebody husbands, in spite of stereotypes of the husband as a stronger, taller,

smarter, with more earning power, and the wife as the physically attractive “helpmeet” (Carter &

McGoldrick, 2016). Many families may only have one parent or might have two same sex

parents, their siblings may not have any blood relation between them but could still be

considered a family.

What makes a family, who parents and what is the right way to parent are questions often

ask. When my children were little they grew up in a household with a mother, father and

siblings. For a period of time, their grandmother also lived with us. Parenting was primarily

done by the me and my husband worked outside the home full time. My children’s grandmother

got to enjoy being just that – the grandmother, she could have fun with the kids and did not have

to worry about parenting the kids. However, my husband’s mother was raising two of her

grandkids, as their mother was in jail and on drugs. She did not get to enjoy being their

grandmother as she needed to be their mother. These are just two styles of what a family can be.

Garland, D. (2012) states that “each family must work out for themselves who they are created to

be and how God is calling them” (ch. 11, pg 245). There are five elementary kids at a school that

I worked at (prior to the Corona19 virus) along with two at the middle school who all lived with

a single woman who was their foster mom. The kids in elementary school referred to each other

as foster brothers and sisters despite the fact than none of them were biologically related to each

other. But they considered each other to be family. Another example is a flight attendant we

know, he and his partner were helping a single mother who was also a flight attendant raise her

two boys. The boys consider the men they stay with when their mom is gone to be their family.

Thus, family does not need to be biological nor does it need to be adopted, family can be what

you fell and that may change over time.

“Except for those who are called by God to a life of singleness, God’s ideal is that of a

monogamous, lifelong marriage crowned with the gift of children” (Kostenberger, 2010 pg. 129).

Some people desperately want children and are unable to have their own, while other individuals

do not want children but continue to get pregnant. One such women had seven biological

children; however, drugs were more important to her than her children. She had undergone

several abortions; a couple miscarriages and the state had taken all seven of her live births. To

me that is not a mother. Others may disagree but a mother puts her children first and does

everything in her means to ensure she has healthy happy children (Kostenberger, 2010, ch. 7, pg

129-135).

Balswick states “Strong families are not those that never experience conflict but those

that successfully manage conflict when it does arise” (2014, pg 252). In other words, there are no

marriages that run smooth and never suffer from struggles. However, it is these struggles that

show what type of family you have. Some will undergo a struggle and simply throw their hands

in the air and walk away, while others will have a conflict but will dig in deeper to solve the

issue and to move forward stronger. However as Mark Yarhouse states, “couples and families

who have successfully constructed relationship by the exhibition of negotiation, patience,

sacrifice, acceptance, vulnerability, discipline, forgiveness, reconciliation, honesty, and

truthfulness experience a stability, security, and significance in their lives” (2017, ch. 7, pg. 167).

Despite your religion, sexual orientation or marital status people do determine what they

want, who they love and how they want to live. There should not be anyone who has the right to

tell you how to live, who to love or how to be. Many may disagree with me but as “Christians

have argued for centuries regarding the nature of free versus determined will” (Yarhouse, 2017).

I believe you fall in love and that your love grows over the time you are with your significant

other, I do not believe in love at first site, nor do I believe that a marriage cannot be fixed if both

parties are invested. Marriage is one of the few things that you vow to be together forever till

death do you part, but it is one of the things that about 50% of the time the individuals involved

fail to fulfill the vows they made in the beginning of their marriage. If only people would hold

up their lives to those vows the way they did on their wedding day.

References

Balswick, J. O. (2014). The family: A Christian perspective on the contemporary home, 4th ed.

Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic. ISBN: 9780801049347.

Carter & McGoldrick. (2016). The expanded family life cycle: Individual, family, and social

perspectives, 5th ed. Columbus, OH: Allyn and Bacon. ISBN: 9780205968060.

Garland, D. (2012). Family ministry: A comprehensive guide, 2nd ed. Downers Grove, IL: IVP

Academic. ISBN: 9780830839711.

Hurst, M. (n.d.) Family System Theory. Retrieved April 5, 2020, from

https://study.com/academy/lesson/family-system-theory-definition-and-change-over-

time.html

Kostenberger, A. J. (2010). God, marriage, and family: Rebuilding the biblical foundation, 2nd

ed. Wheaton, IL: Crossway. ISBN: 9781433503641.

Yarhouse, M. A. & Sells. (2017). Family therapies: A comprehensive Christian appraisal.

Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic. ISBN: 9780830828548.

Relying upon Balswick, Chapters 17–18, discuss how Balswick’s content either should or

should not alter your current working definition for family. Respond to the following for

the family development scenario: Present your initial impressions. What are the concerns

in this scenario? What are the tensions in this scenario? What are the implications for

family development? What is your response in this scenario? What is the most important

take-away?

After reading this weeks’ chapters, I remain confident in my working family definition: It

is a combination of both structural and functional roles as it applies to close relationships, either

by marriage, biological, adoption, extended, etc., that nurture, support, teach, and provide

security for one another. I believe that family is what you consider family instead of the tradition

nuclear family definition. “There is an assumption that people with children do not even have

families, yet it is not unusual for this population to have what is called created kinships or

families of choice” (Cherlin, 2013). As generic as that sounds, I believe it is the foundational

basis for the family unit. This week’s readings didn’t necessary change my viewpoint. Growing

up in a multiple divorce family it was interesting to read. I believe we have a tendency of getting

stuck on “what” versus “who” constitutes a family unit. It is the “what” and “who” that provide

both structural and functional roles within a family. It is the active engagement of both, that

contribute to the overall health of the family unit. Chapters 17 and 18 both resonated with my

own childhood memories. There’s one thing to read about the statistical outcomes of divorced

families and the ill effects on children, economical dilemmas, psychological, relational,

emotional and interpersonal conflicts, etc., versus the reality of living through such obstacles.

During my teenage years, my friends and I compared whose family was most

“dysfunctional” as if it were a badge of honor; when in reality we were making light of our home

environment to ease the pain of not having both parents in the household, the derogatory and

belittling comments overheard, lack of residential parents presence due to work, decreased

family “fun” activities, additional responsibilities as the oldest sibling, the longing for the absent

parent, sibling rivalry, etc. As stated by Kim (2011), the “in-divorce” stage is the onset of when a

relationship with between the mother and child/children are negatively impacted. Looking back,

I can truly relate to that statement. During the divorce process, for my family, both parents were

still living in the same household and I was the mediator as a child (Balswick & Balswick,

2014). The tension was suffocating; however, it was as if there was a white elephant in the room

that no one dared to speak of because it would invite further hurt, discomfort, pain or anger

regarding the situation.

I did not completely agree with Balswick’s opening paragraph in chapter 17. Yes, I agree

that families are resilient and can overcome “insurmountable challenges” in survival mode

(Balswick & Balswick, 2014); however, being resilient because the situation calls for resiliency

doesn’t necessarily denote that the emotional, mental and psychological challenges have been

addressed and overcome. Many times, those latent emotions do not surface until much later in

life; especially when faced with our own pursuit of marriage or family (Balswick & Balswick,

2014). I do agree however that divorce does not necessarily bring greater happiness. The stress of

what prompted the divorce may be removed and replaced with other stressors, especially when

children are involved. Case in point, welfare versus workfare (Balswick & Balswick, 2014). I

most agree that there is a “double-exposure effect” (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 307),

children are emotionally, psychologically, socially and spiritually impacted by the continuous

conflicts of married parents and negatively impacted by divorce. The positive outcomes from

these situations, I believe is “how” the circumstances are addressed and resolved. Ahrons (2004),

has a valid point in divorce should recognize the family and “not destroy it”.

Recognizing that the dissolve of marriage is not entirely about two people having

irreconcilable differences, but rather a family structure that must now be altered in order to

continue to function. And by functioning I’m referring to the dynamics and condition of parent-

child, child-child and parent-parent relationships. The conditions of these relationships are

significant in the health and welfare for each member. That being said, the structure or dynamics

of what constitutes a family unit has completely changed over the decades. This has allowed

accommodations for the outcomes of uniting, dissolve, and reunification of relationships. This

ties in well with chapter 18 regarding remarriage because of the vulnerability of relationships due

to previous failed marriages. My takeaway from this weeks’ reading seems to align with last

week. The focus is yet again on the quality of family and marriage in its current stage. Whatever

circumstance the family unit may be encountering, the relational quality; what is put into the

striving for health communication, addressing and identifying areas that decrease the overall

health of the family and the welfare of each of its members.