Dads Hurt Too
Cacciatore, Erlandsson, and Radestad (2013), tackles the subject during the stillbirth
process that is rarely covered, and that is of the father’s role. This is in no way to take away from
what the mother herself is experiencing, but little research has been done to understand and deal
with the father’s feelings and mental outlook during this trauma. After all, he lost a baby too and
he hurts too. Many fathers have expressed gratitude when their feelings were validated, and they
were taken care of just as much as the mother by the medical staff after the birth. They held a
great sense of respect when asked about the care of their baby.
A study conducted by Cacciatore, Erlandsson, and Radestad (2013), resulted that 86% of
fathers whose feelings were acknowledged resulted in a better psychological mindset later in the
grieving process, versus those fathers whose feelings were not acknowledged or those that were
treated as another support person for the mother. Fathers admitted to having feelings of being
pushed aside or they felt the need to push their own feelings aside to care for the mother, they
also admitted to having felt like no one cared for them. Cacciatore, Erlandsson, and Radestad
(2013), also stated that 25% of fathers showed more grief than their partners. The response of the
father during this time nay be delayed due to the fact that he is often called upon to care for other
children they may have or go to work and take care of the household responsibilities. When their
psychological needs were met, they expressed having a better time grieving which resulted in a
better mindset at work and in life, allowing them to overcome anger and guilt quicker.
Cacciatore, Erlandsson, and Radestad (2013), concluded that when medical personal treated both
parents, their psychological treatment resulted in better care and a better grieving process. One of
the most important treatment factors that fathers expressed after the stillbirth was being called a
“father”.
There has often been a great debate as to the father’s role in this situation. Where does the
father fall when it comes to the expression of grief and getting supportive care? The mother is
seen to create a bond with the baby in utero and becomes to the baby itself, Bonnette & Broom
(2012), states that the father becomes attached to the idea of the child, the fantasy life that he had
created with the child. That is something that the stillbirth robs them of, so it is concluded that
fathers grieve just as much as the mothers and therefore should be given the same amount of
support. It is my belief that during a trying time such as this there is a need of an outward
emotional support system that is in place to care for both parents, not just the mother.
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