GENOGRAM
Genogram Project Narrative
Cameron G Rasnake
School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University
Author Note
Cameron G Rasnake
I have no known conflict of interest to disclose.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Cameron G Rasnake.
Email: [email protected]
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Abstract
This paper will examine the various familial roles and the impact they had on my
personal development. Cultural, religious, ethnic, and moral beliefs and values will be discussed
as well. Generational trauma and family history will be examined in depth. Finally, an action
plan on bettering myself in several areas through this obtained information will be created.
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What do you understand about yourself within the context of this multigenerational
family?
Perhaps other individuals feel this way about their family as well, but my mother’s side
of the family and my father’s side of the family are extremely different, almost opposites. My
father grew up in a home that was emotionally and verbally abusive, where self-esteem was low
amongst all the children. It was decided that love had to be earned, not given. Though I am
unsure where it stems from, all 5 children also grew up to have significant weight problems and
unhealthy relationships with food. Certain traits like bossiness, having a temper, and being a
know-it-all are also common. Using humor (i.e. being a comedian/class clown) as a way to cope
is also seen across the board. My mother’s side of the family is quite different—they have always
radiated warmth and kindness. My maternal grandparents are the most generous people I have
ever met. They, along with my mom and her sister, are gentle souls. Meek, compassionate, and
down-to-earth.
While the two families are vastly different, I see a blend of qualities and traits from each
in myself. Sometimes this makes for a very interesting combination. I am an enneagram 2 ("the
helper") and I consider myself to be a pretty warm and friendly person. I value relationships and
connectedness, and I am an extrovert through and through. I am often too sensitive and I dislike
confrontation. However, I am also extremely competitive. My brothers and I all played sports
while growing up, and all three of us were known for our aggression and toughness. Another trait
I have (though in a much milder form) is the temper. While I do not scream and yell, I get very
irritated by the most minute things, and I have noticed that the things that get on my nerves are
the same things that anger my father. I certainly have inherited a unique mix of traits from both
sides of the family. As I have grown older and taken a step back many a time to examine my
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childhood and the way I was raised, I am so thankful for various aspects—but I also hurt
knowing that some of my issues are inherited. For example, I also struggle with my weight and
my relationship with food. I am currently reading a book entitled, “It Didn’t Start With You” by
Mark Wolynn (2016) and he explains how certain trauma responses can be passed down,
specifically among 3 generations. It makes me wonder where this poor relationship to food stems
from, and how all 5 of my grandparents’ children struggle with it. Did something happen with
my grandfather or grandmother in their childhood? Or was it simply living in an emotionally
unavailable home, all 5 children found refuge in food? Is it truly just linked to self-esteem issues
(which I also have)? I am not sure. But I do know that the more I age (I will be 25 next month),
the more and more I notice little traits and tidbits in myself that have roots in my family tree.
How do the cultural, historical, and personal characteristic aspects of the information
impact your understanding of the self?
My mother’s side and my father’s side are both white/Caucasian, so as far as culturally, I
am not sure how much of an impact that had. I was born in Houston, Texas where my mother and
her family are from. I lived in Phoenix, Arizona for about a year where my father and his family
are from. Then we moved up to Anchorage, Alaska when I was 3. My younger brother was born
there. My mother always called him her little Eskimo. We left Alaska when I was about 10
because my younger brother had terrible eczema which was worsened by the cold. So, my dad
looked for job openings and we made the move to Tennessee. This is where I met my husband
and still live today, but my folks and brothers moved back to Phoenix a few years ago when my
dad was offered a good job out there.
Both of my parents grew up in Southern Baptist homes. My father’s father was a
Southern Baptist preacher. It has been interesting to see this effect on the kids—being
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emotionally abusive and being a minister. Two children completely rejected the faith—one is
now homosexual, and one pursued alcohol and drugs for a long time and is an atheist. One
married a preacher. And one (my father) strayed from God for a while in his late teens/early
twenties, but came back to the Lord and also surrendered to preach. I have stayed relatively close
with both of my aunts, and I have mentally noted on several occasions the differences in how
each child has coped with their upbringing. I also, once again, see traits of each of them in
myself. I find it fascinating because while I did not grow up in the same environment, I see very
similar reactions and struggles in my own life. Goldenberg (2016) notes the importance of the
developmental stages in a family, and I would guess that my father’s family did not develop the
way it should have.
If at all, what are the family lifecycle-related issues in the past or present that have
influenced your family?
As shared in the previous paragraph, I truly feel like my father’s family did not healthily
develop the way it should have. And while my father was much nicer and softer than his, my
childhood was not perfect. My dad had a strong temper and yelled quite a bit. He also was very
strict on us with our food, which I believe made things worse. For example, I remember when I
was about 12/13 years old, and something happened—I either was caught sneaking food or it had
been discovered that I had eaten too much of a certain food in the house. My parents did not
really know what to do with me at that point. My dad gathered all kinds of junk food in the
kitchen, told me to put on some old clothes, and sit in the bathtub. He told me to eat, so I did, and
I did, and did…until I had to throw up. The next morning he explained to me why he did it and
how he was worried for me. But I thought about that night often. Even now, it is very difficult for
me to talk/write about. But now that I have a deeper knowledge and understanding of things like
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generational trauma, I cannot help but wonder what kind of things like that was done by my
grandfather to my father. I see the cliché nature versus nurture topic a lot in myself—I believe
some of my struggles/traits are because of the home I was raised in, but I also feel like a lot of it
can be credited to genetics. If you have not read the book I suggested earlier, I highly
recommend it.
What intergenerational dynamics, patterns and/or themes that you have identified
influence you (or others) in your current family?
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years now and I have certainly seen the
effects of my childhood/family show up in our marriage. I am a people pleaser at heart, non-
confrontational, and have a tendency to be a pushover. My husband has really tried to help me
break out of that. I become very timid and shut down in the midst of confrontation, especially if
someone raises their voice or says something harsh. I strongly feel these reactions are a result of
the home I was raised in. Again, the issue with weight and food is seen across the board. I have
always been a bigger girl, but I was in good shape when my husband met and married me, which
was largely due to the fact that I was so active in sports. As I have aged and undergone various
infertility issues and hormonal diagnoses, along with some depression, I have gained a lot of
weight and have not lost it yet. This bothers my husband a great deal because he feels like I let
myself go after getting married, which means I do not care anymore. He also feels like I am
constantly being dishonest because I tell him (and myself) that I will start dieting and lose the
weight, and I have not successfully done that yet.
However, on the more positive side, I can definitely see how my maternal family traits
have been used. My mother is a social butterfly and makes friends easily. She remembers
people’s names and she makes everyone that she speaks to feel special. I believe that I inherited
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those traits from her. Being a preacher’s wife, especially, I feel like these are beneficial qualities
to have. And my paternal traits are not all negative—my ambition, drive, and sense of humor
have been a great asset in our marriage.
What areas do you need to work on in order to become a better spouse, parent, counselor,
and godly person?
Of course, the food and weight issue needs to be addressed. I have tried time and time
again, have dieted and lost weight, but the weight only stays off for so long. I put band aids on
the issue but have not fixed the root cause, and to be quite honest, I am not sure how to do that. I
probably need to see a specialist, maybe a dietitian of some sort, but we cannot afford one right
now. Maybe after graduation. My people-pleasing tendencies need to be addressed as well,
especially as a counselor. I need to remember that it is not my job to cater to my clients or to
simply be their friend, and that means sometimes saying things that they do not want to hear. I
also feel like I need to get better about setting boundaries in my life—with work, in my marriage,
even with my family members. The Proverbs 31 woman had a number of excellent qualities. She
was hard-working, humble, kind, financially smart, physically strong, respected her husband,
helpful, giving, crafty, self-sufficient, wise, and loving. I would love to be able to say I hold all
of those qualities as well. As the old song goes, He’s still working on me…
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References
Goldenberg, I., Stanton, M., & Goldenberg, H. (2016). Family Therapy: An Overview (9th ed.).
Cengage Learning US. https://mbsdirect.vitalsource.com/books/9781305855649
Wolynn, M. (2016). It Didn’t Start With You. Penguin Books.
