The FREE intervention is a tool for couples based around the goals of forgiveness and
reconciliation. There are 4 steps in the reconciliation process and included within those steps is the
REACH forgiveness model. The REACH forgiveness model is a five-step method to assist in the
forgiveness process.
Both the FREE and REACH models are based on the stress-and-coping theory of forgiveness. This
theory consists of four parts: stressors which are the injustices or transgressions that cause hurt,
appraisals which is an assessment of the stressors and the threat they entail, stress reactions which is
how the person responds to the level of threat, and finally coping mechanisms of dealing with the stress
(Ripley & Worthington, 2014).
Countless studies have shown that forgiveness in romantic relationships is an essential step to
reaching longevity. In this romantic relationship context, forgiveness is more than a one-time step, but
could be described as a tendency to forgive partner transgressions that may occur in many different
situations and over time (Roberts et al., 2020).
The four steps of the FREE intervention are the decision to forgive, discussion of the offense and
making a good confession, detoxification of the relationship poison that has entered the relationship,
and finally building and integrating love and devotion into the relationship (Ripley & Worthington, 2014).
Forgiveness can be divided into two different types: decisional and emotional. The decision to
forgive may be sincere but the person still feels hurt and unable to control the emotions related to the
wrongdoing. Emotional forgiveness is often achieved slower than decisional. Once the individual can
achieve emotional forgiveness, the negative emotions can be replaced with positive ones. The hurt and
anger are replaced with empathy, sympathy, compassion which allows room for love to reenter the
relationship. There are several techniques that counselors can use to facilitate emotional forgiveness.
1.Counselors help prepare the couple for emotional forgiveness by increasing empathy, emotional
softening, emotional regulation and seeking God’s wisdom.
2.Dealing with resistance, fuzzy definitions and addressing fears. Identifying and ensuring both
parties are on the same page as to what reconciliation and forgiveness means is vitally
important. Once that is done the reason for resistance to forgiveness and fears need to be
identified, addressed, and removed before moving forward.
3.A technique that is different that I would have thought to use is an apology letter but from both
parties. Typically, an apology comes from the offending party but in this case both parties
identify what they must apologize for and write a letter between sessions. The letters are kept
away from the partner until they read it to them in session so they can process it with the
therapist.
4.REACH is an acronym that stands for R-recalling the event. E-empathize with the offender, A-
altruistic gift, C-commit to forgiveness, and H – holding onto that forgiveness.
5.Reducing the gaps of perceived injustice and make amends, openly discuss the injustice gap and
identify ways to make amends and then gauge the efforts.
6.Forgiving the self; receive God’s forgiveness, repair the relationship, and emotional self-
forgiveness.
7.Humility in self.
I really appreciate the emotional replacement hypothesis and how that can play out in the context of
relationship. I believe the potential for growth is immense whenever someone is willing to press into the
discomfort and pain of a situation, so when a couple can meet the negative emotion with empathy,
compassion and acceptance, the pain can truly be transformed into something beautiful and valuable.
References
Ripley, J.S. & Worthington, E.L. (2014). Couple therapy: a new hope-focused approach. Downers Grove,
IL: InterVarsity Press.
Roberts, K., Jaurequi, M., Kimmes, J., & Selice, L. (2020). Trait mindfulness and relationship satisfaction:
the role of forgiveness among couples. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 47(1), 196-207.
