Attitudes and Beliefs
Abstract
There will be times in counseling where there are situations or stories that will push against my
morals and beliefs. Would I be comfortable working with someone who uses physical discipline
on their young children? What about working with someone who is a convicted pedophile? What
about a woman who wants to leave her family to start a new life of her own? These are topics
that may come up while counseling others. Rather comfortable or not, would I be able to
effectively counsel them? These topics are difficult because of things I have learned about or saw
in life. Life sculpts experiences. Experiences create values.
Keywords: morals, values, counseling, pedophilia, abuse, neglect.
Attitudes and Beliefs
Benchmark Attitudes and Beliefs Reflection Paper
As we live, grow, learn, and absorb experiences of the people we make contact with, we
have develop a beliefs system. Beliefs are what we know to be true. It makes sense of why we
are the way that we are and how we view the world. Life’s experiences determine our attitude
toward certain people, places, brands, and situations. It’s how we survive. It’s the things that we
carry near and dear to our hearts. There are things that make our face frown up as soon as we
hear a single word or even a song. It’s the memories that strike up those emotions. But, in any
field where you are working with people of different populations, you’ll eventually come across
something or someone that does not align with your beliefs.
Reaction
The first question that stood out for me was the client that believed that spanking his
children was the best form of discipline. This client would be difficult for me if he decided that
he did not want to learn an alternative method of disciplining his children. After being a stay-at-
home mom for five years, my first job back into the field was Child Abuse Investigator for Child
Protection Services. During the training, I had to take a lot of child development classes so that I
would have an understand of age-appropriate behaviors, disciplines, chores, and development.
Working with parents who’s go-to method of discipline for their young child was corporal
punishment was tough. I have small kids. At the time, I had four children aged five and under so
I understand how frustrating little kids could be. I found it easier to empathize with parents who
felt like there could be other methods to discipline their children and were open to learning than
the ones that were stuck in their ways and unwilling to change the behaviors. There are so many
studies that conclude that spanking young children could be a gateway to physical abuse. 4
Attitudes and Beliefs
The personal belief that was contradicted was the one that I disagree that spankings are
an effective method of discipline, especially for young children. I was spanked a handful of times
as a child, and looking back, all that did was hurt me; I learned nothing. The negative social-
emotional impact that the spanking left was enough to change my outlook on discipline once I
had my own children and I saw the lengths that other parents went to discipline their children.
Based on what I’ve learned through trainings, classwork, and life experiences caused me to have
a different outlook on spankings. So many children are injured from discipline and require
medical care that they may or may not get. Eradicating spankings would drastically lower the
odds of children being physically injured, emotionally injured, or fatally injured.
The second question that was difficult for me is the man convicted of pedophilia and
court-ordered for counseling. This question posed the biggest conflict within for me. I struggled
with trying to find a reason on how I would work with someone who was guilty of pedophilia. In
my opinion, there is no logical excuse for pedophilia. While I understand that it is a
psychological disorder, it is still hard for me to see myself not being judgmental towards
someone who is guilty of sexual thoughts about children. I understand that pedophilia is a
disorder where people think about children sexually, fantasize about them in sexual situations,
and they can have urges and sexual behaviors toward children, and I understand that some of
them don’t even act on the thoughts that they are having, it would kill me if I knew that someone
was looking at my children in that manner.
What I remember from undergrad, a lot of studies done on pedophilia are done on those
who have acted on their sexual urges. There are very view studies done on those who are “just
thinking about it”. There is no way for some of them to manage these thoughts and urges. That is
scary to me. I have a soft spot in my heart for children. They are innocent and deserve to grow up
Attitudes and Beliefs
with the least amount of trauma as possible. That makes pedophilia a touchy place for my
beliefs. I just don’t understand it. I know that they have medications and different therapies to
help manage the symptoms of pedophilia, but personally, I am not sold that it works. They may
manage the symptoms, but they don’t diminish the attraction to children.
The third question that was difficult for me to answer was the question about the woman
who decided to leave her husband and her children to gain her independence. It was difficult to
answer because I was not sure what side of the fence I would be on. It seems like an easy one to
decide on but for me it wasn’t. I can honestly say that during the first few years after I had
become a mother and had to deal with a husband who was at work from 7am to 7pm 6 days a
week while I was stuck at home with 2 newborns all day, I understood the term, “married single
mom”. I hated being a wife and I hated being a mom even more. It was odd because I loved my
husband and my babies, but I was burned out. I was battling postpartum depression, feeling
unfulfilled, uninspired, lonely, bitter, full of resentment, and grieving the life I had envision for
us as young newlyweds and myself as a grown woman.
It was the most difficult time in my life. I often wondered what life would look like if I
left. But, my love for my babies wouldn’t let me leave them behind. They needed me as much as
I needed them. Sometimes great parents make horrible partners. Maybe her leaving her marriage
and gaining some freedom would give her the opportunity to become a better version of herself
for her children. The only person conflict for this one was that I understood why I stayed in my
home, I understood why I wanted to leave my home, but my reasons are mine alone and not to be
pushed on to someone else in a similar situation. I would be able to work with her without
completely judging her decisions. After divorce, studies say that women have a greater chance of
falling below the poverty line due to lack of resources and having to care for their children, if
Attitudes and Beliefs
they are the primary caregiver. Yet more divorces are filed for by women than by men. I believe
that with Christ, all things can be worked out in a marriage, that has been my experience. But, at
the same time, I am a firm believer that people have to do what is best for them.
Response
I believe that these believe that these beliefs all are a part of experiences that I have had
throughout the course of my life. Things that we go through in life and the people that we come
across all tend to have an affect on us. Some things affect us positively and others, negatively.
Physically discipling a child can take a turn for the worst in the worst situations. When I was a
teenager, we had a family friend who allowed her boyfriend at the time to discipline her son. Her
son was about two or three years old. Her boyfriend whooped her son so badly, he had internal
injuries and ended up succumbing to his injuries in his sleep. She knew that he was physically
discipling her son. When they went to trial, she said that she felt like him disciplining her son
was okay because she did not deem it as “excessive”. They spent about ten to fifteen years in
prison and she lost the only child that she would ever give birth to. While it was unclear if he
meant to kill her son, the physical discipline that progressively had gotten more and more
excessive, ended that innocent child’s life.
All praises to God that I have never been a victim of pedophilia. But as I have mentioned
before, children have a very special place in my heart because they are so innocent. They did not
ask to be here. They only want someone to love them. To me, when a person can take advantage
of that, there is something ominous about that. Children are so vulnerable and trusting. Growing
up, my parents did not allow me to spend the night at friend’s homes for sleepovers unless my
parents knew a lot about the family. I never understood that until I had children of my own.
There are some sick people in the world. Now, because of the values and rules that my parents
Attitudes and Beliefs
instilled in me, I do not allow my children to have sleepovers outside of my home. When it
comes to family members, I can count on one hand how many sleepovers my children have had
in their lifetimes. My husband and I have a rule, if I would not spend the night at this persons
home, my children can’t spend the night there. If I know that there is any domestic violence
incidents at the home, my children will not be there without me. Most victims of sexual crimes
know who the perpetrator is. But, as their mother, I have to use my best judgment call and
protect my own children.
As mentioned above, I have been that woman who truly thought about leaving my
marriage for my saving. I was drowning in being a wife and a mother. I didn’t enjoy it. I had two
infants and I felt like a married single mother. I was battling postpartum depress, grief from
losing my father, my wheelchair bound mother had just moved in and we were still in the
honeymoon phase but it felt more like a nightmare. At one point I said, “well I can put mom in a
home, find a place by myself and he can keep the boys.” I was suffocating in a life that I had
only partially created. I can empathize with a woman being put in a corner feeling like that is her
only chance at life. Like I said, I’ve been there. The outcome of my situation is personal to me.
Action
I grew up in Minnesota and it is honestly, one of the coolest places regarding diversity. I
have met so many people from so many different walks in life. I have had the pleasure of
conversing with some people who were nothing like me. I love talking to people and learning
about what makes them, them. I have a gift to where I can find something in common with
anyone. I believe that I am very open-minded when it comes to people and situations. There are
some things that are harder to swallow, such as pedophilia. What I would like to see for myself is
to be put in some places where I can allow my mind and my mouth to be a vessel for the Lord.
Attitudes and Beliefs
There was not anyone that God would not hang around. He loves all his children, even when we
turn our backs on him, he is forever holding on to us. I know that as I grow professionally, I will
get to a place where I can rely more on the guidance of his word and not personal feelings.
In Acts 1:8 it says, but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And
you will be my witness, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in
Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.(NLT). I just want to be in a place where God can openly
use me. I want my clients to look at me, here God, and know that there is some good in this
world. I am willing to learn, be patient with myself, use common sense, apply teachings, have
faith, and be faithful to his word. I will not be a “Bible Thumper”, and if someone doesn’t
believe in God, I want to still be a light for them because I don’t know what God has planned for
them or for me. But, if someone becomes curious about God by having a conversation with me, I
am doing what he is calling me to do.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I understand that there will be clients that I want to side eye and may feel
uncomfortable with. Being open to counseling is not something that a lot of people are open to
because of the stigma, being afraid to be judged, or being ashamed. So, rather that’s someone
who needs help finding alternatives to disciplining their children, or maybe they are angry with
their children and don’t know how to articulate their feelings appropriately. Maybe there is
someone who has inappropriate thoughts and desires about children and they want to correct the
problem before things progress. Maybe there is a mother who is so overwhelmed that she feels
like she needs to escape and run away from all of her problems. If I am fortunate enough to be a
counselor for any of them, I want to be what God has called me to be. I want to use used in a
way that glorifies his Holy name, while helps people get to the other side of the fence.
Attitudes and Beliefs
Works Cited
Bobby, I. G. (2021). Prefrontal cortex and limbic system abnormalities in pedophilic disorder: a
review. MURAJ Minnesota Undergraduate Research & Academic Journal, 4(8).
Cuartas, J. (2021). The effect of spanking on early social‐emotional skills. Child Development,
93(1), 180–193. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13646
Kilgoe, A. (n.d.). Addressing the increased risk of postpartum depression for black women.
NAMI. Retrieved January 27, 2023, from https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-
2021/Addressing-the-Increased-Risk-of-Postpartum-Depression-for-Black-Women
Ma, J., Grogan-Kaylor, A. C., Pace, G. T., Ward, K. P., & Lee, S. J. (2022). The association
between spanking and physical abuse of young children in 56 low- and middle-income
countries. Child Abuse & Neglect, 129. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2022.105662
Parker, G., Durante, K. M., Hill, S. E., & Haselton, M. G. (2022). Why women choose divorce:
An evolutionary perspective. Current Opinion in Psychology, 43, 300–306.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2021.07.020
Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org)
