NEFF & MCMINN REVIEW 1
Neff & McMinn Review Paper
Marsha H. Wyland
School of Clinical Mental Health Counseling, Liberty University
NEFF & MCMINN REVIEW 2
Abstract
Counseling as a Christian can prove to be difficult when dealing with our clients due to the
possibility of imposing our beliefs. We must avoid imposing our beliefs but continue to see the
client in God's image. There will be clients who are culturally different from their counselor, and
this allows the counselor to gain new insight into their belief system. Suffering is a big part of
the counseling experience; one must feel pain to understand the growth that comes from it.
Suffering and hope go hand in hand, the two intertwined, allowing one to gain a closer
relationship with God. Life is full of uncertainties, to live in the moment is to be present, to
experience enjoyment. Relinquishing control over the uncontrollable allows one to accept the
present and lessen the worry. Using techniques learned from the books will help a counselor to
better understand their client and how to help them experience pain.
Keywords: God, Christian, hebel, reflect, theology, counseling, lament, suffering, uncertainty
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Summary
Neff and McMinn’s book Embodying Integrating: A fresh look at Christianity in the
therapy room (2020), has shown numerous concepts that can be integrated into the counselor
lifestyle. Throughout the first three chapters, I was able to see how Christianity is factored into
counseling and the way it can sculpt and frame one’s way of thinking about life, encouraging one
to place God at the center. Upon reading this book I was able to take in the information and look
in depth at how a counselor must connect with the client and notice their suffering. With this
gained knowledge I am now able to understand how as a counselor I must look at not only my
perspective but the perspective of a client who is suffering. Alongside this, I learned about the
steady fleeting security of life and how it is ever evolving. In the third chapter, I was able to
learn more about how humans see God and the way he sees us, as well as how we experience
him. Throughout the first three chapters, I was able to see how Christianity is factored into
counseling and the way it can sculpt and frame one’s way of thinking about life, encouraging one
to place God at the center.
In the first chapter of the book, the main topic is lament, which is the deep expression of
suffering, pain, or grief. This chapter presented important concepts such as, how to help a client
who is dealing with suffering, and what is required when expressing lament. In the book the first
statement that stood out to me was “By clenching my fists and crying out to God, I expressed the
ache in my soul and trusted my grief to the possibility that someone might be listening.” (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, pg. 28), this provided insight into grief and how desperately an individual wants
to feel heard and understood. The healing process cannot begin without the complete emotional
experience of suffering and pain. As counselors we are called to be with our clients through their
pain, not to pull them through it without fully allowing them to experience it. As a counselor, one
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must avoid dismissing the suffering and positive appraisals in order to understand and learn how
the client experiences and expresses their pain (Neff & McMinn, 2020). There will be times
when a counselor does not have all the answers, but in the process of healing a counselor must
listen attentively and offer empathy to allow the client to work through the suffering. This is vital
because with suffering comes hope, these two emotions are intertwined and one must have the
other to experience growth, “Holding lament and hope together is the substance of living
deeply.” (Neff & McMinn, 2020, pg. 45).
In the second chapter of the book the main topic seemed to revolve around the idea that
everything is fleeting or as used in the textbook hebel, a vapor. The world is constantly evolving
and changing, security is more of an idea than a certainty. This was presented heavily in this
chapter as Quoheleth discussed the constant changing of roles, for instance, the righteous who
are treated in the way of the wicked and the wicked who are treated as if righteous (Neff &
McMinn, 2020). This chapter relied on Ecclesiastes for much of its information and presented
new knowledge of how security and life are never certain, even for those who are in higher
power or hold wealth. As humans our minds like the predictable, not the unexpected, and it is as
if one is reaching steadily for things that are out of reach. The moment a status is achieved, or a
wealth is secured there can be a disruption that shifts the entire dynamic of one’s life.
Quoheleth continually made the point that tomorrow is a part of the past and that the
present moment should be the focus. The text stated, “God is a God of the present.” (Neff &
McMinn, 2020, pg. 96), this relates back to Quoheleth’s concept of living for the day and not for
the past or future, if God is in the present moment, then he is dwelling with us. Lastly, the
“oughts” and “ifs” (Neff & McMinn, 2020), that were discussed in this chapter allowed for
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insight into how the future is out of reach and unpredictable so why worry with the “ifs” and the
“oughts” bring an individual to a place of wanting to change a past that cannot be altered.
In the third chapter, it began with how different cultures see God differently. We are
created in God’s image, but in ANE they believe we were created to be laborers for gods, that we
are only made to be servants. The text spoke to the differences in cultures and how in this culture
we identify ourselves as created in God’s image, and that we are loved and cherished by him.
There are implicit and explicit ways of knowing “how and who we imagine God to be…” (Neff
& McMinn, 2020, pg. 119). One can write and talk about God, this allows for an individual to
know who God is on paper so to speak, but this is not all that is necessary to understand who he
is. Having knowledge about him explicitly allows for one to have a guide to follow but does not
create a personal connection. The connection must be made between implicit and explicit
knowing for one to remain consistent. As the book states “Our explicit theological beliefs and
ideas about God make up our God concept, whereas our felt embodied and lived relational
experiences make up our God image (Davis, Moriarty, & Mauch, 2013).” (Neff & McMinn,
2020, pg.120).
Knowing God through our theological beliefs is different than having a relationship with
him, we are created in the image of God, so we are to use his characteristics in our lives, such as,
in counseling sessions. Also, in this chapter it spoke of trauma and how one might grow
spiritually from it, forming a closer bond with God. This relates back to the other chapters,
especially the first chapter where it discussed hope and lament coexisting. Trauma causes
suffering, and with suffering comes the need to be felt and heard, hence why many turn to
spirituality or a higher being who will hear their cries. The text used the quote, “...beauty
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growing from ashes of past trauma.” (Neff & McMinn, 20202), with the lament comes pain and
grief, but from lament comes hope.
Reflection
Perspective Changes
I enjoyed reading this book thus far, it made me think about how suffering truly affects
those who come into the counseling session, and how to address their pain. While reading I was
able to depict an individual who is struggling with life and the counselor who was going through
this pain with them. I strongly agree with Neff & McMinn that in order to understand an
individual's suffering we must remain in the pain with them, without drawing them out, “We sit
with our patients, bearing witness to the pain of the world.” (Neff & McMinn, 2020, pg. 33).
This statement caused me to genuinely reflect on its meaning, as a counselor it is our job to
listen, remain in the moment, and show deep empathy for the client. At times we may attempt to
lean towards positivity and relishing in the happy moments, but through this book, I was able to
gain more insight on how important it is to lean into the pain.
The second chapter I had to study more in-depth because it was a perspective change for
me. I was brought into the perspective that life is like a vapor, things can change in an instant
and moments can be fleeting. When the text used the term hebel, I believed it to be a pessimistic
way of thinking, that the thought of security being uncertain and dwelling on that was a harsh
perspective. Upon further reading I was able to see that this is not a pessimistic way of thinking,
but that it is the reality of the world we live in today, the rich can become poor, the unjust can go
without justice, and that uncertainty is what life is. An important note that I gathered from this
chapter is that hebel does not mean we must be concerned for the future, but to be present in the
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moment for God is in the present. I do agree with the author that God is present in the moment,
but he is also present in our future, for he is with us always, past, present, and future.
Though I do agree with most of the text, a statement that I do not agree with fully is, “But
when we radically accept the uncertainty of life, we free ourselves from chasing the
ungraspable…” (Neff & McMinn, 2020). I do agree that uncertainty can be overwhelming and
worrisome at times, but without reaching for the ungraspable, we become content where we are.
Uncertainty can be a good thing, it gives us the joy of knowing that life is ever evolving, though
it is not predictable that is half of the excitement of living. I do feel that this chapter spoke of
relinquishing control and enjoying the moment but did not speak of how important it is to think
of the future. When reflecting on this portion of the chapter I did gain more knowledge of
enjoying the moment, but I believe it is just as important to try and prepare for the future, even if
it is uncertain. I grasp the idea of worrying too much about the future, but if one does not plan
and pay attention to the future, they will not be prepared. I do agree with the idea of “life being
built with paper walls” (Neff & McMinn, 2020), because of the uncertainty that is human
existence, in an instance one can lose all their money, become deathly sick, or lose a loved one.
One should make the most of each day because tomorrow is not promised, this is what I drew
from the paper walls concept, any moment something can change that alters an individual's life
forever.
Chapter three was interesting for me because I did not realize how different cultures view
the human-to-God relationship. I was raised to believe that I was created in the image and
likeness of God, that he loved me and wanted what was best for me. Upon reading this chapter I
developed a new understanding of how other cultures view their relationship with God or gods.
This knowledge allowed me to gain insight into different cultures and how they believe we are
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“...cattle of the gods” (Neff & McMinn, 2020, pg. 111), and that we are to labor for them to
please them. Upon reflection, I was able to see how if we are created in God's image, we must
present his characteristics. I was able to investigate implicit and explicit knowledge and how it
relates to God. If one has explicit knowledge then one knows what is written and said about God,
if they have implicit knowledge then one is fully experiencing God, emotionally and relational.
Questions Which Arose
The first question that came to my mind was, when is it time to work through the lament?
This question has been on my mind because as counselors we must sit with our clients through
the lament, but how can we help them determine that they are staying in it too long? A question
that poses due to this question is, how do we know if they have been sitting in the suffering too
long? As a counselor, we do not get to decide when our client heals or how long it takes, but it is
hard to determine when too long is. I do believe there will be times when the grief or suffering
has been felt to capacity and the client still chooses to remain in it, so how will I determine
whether it is still processing time or time to begin the healing process?
Theological Implications
When I begin my future work in the counseling room, I will be applying the
characteristics of God, and remind myself of how I am made in the image of God, not to act out
of fleshly reasoning. Suffering is a process that is painful and lengthy, but through the use of
scripture one can acknowledge that suffering is present throughout the Bible, and this can be
useful in the counseling room. The ACA Code of Ethics (2014) states that we must avoid
imposing personal values and beliefs on a client (2014, Section A.4.b.), but this does not mean
that we are not able to show the same love and compassion that God does in the counseling
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session. The AACC Code of Ethics states in section 1-530-a., that as a counselor one may expose
their beliefs to a client, but it is imperative not to impose those beliefs and practices upon a
client. There may be a time when the client wants to explore spirituality when diving into their
pain and suffering, this can be implemented upon the client’s request. This also gives us the
ability to disclose to our client that we are Christian but must keep the counseling session
structured accordingly. The text discusses how we are fundamentally good, but it can be difficult
to see at times when the bad parts are on full display in a counseling session. In the text it states,
“...it is right to see the image of God in others even when flooded with fear” (Neff & McMinn,
2020, pg. 124), the meaning that I have taken from this is that in a counseling session, there may
be times where I have a hard time looking for the good in my client, but I will still have to see
the image of God within them.
Sharing of Loss
Last year on October 21st I lost my mentor, adopted grandfather, and pastor. The grief
took not only myself but my family and church by storm. This kind of suffering and loss is an
unexpected one, it brings such strong emotions to the surface that an individual can feel the pain
spilling out from themselves. While reading this book I was able to recognize that I tried to bury
my grief so that I was able to help my loved ones cope. When I eventually allowed myself to feel
the pain and loss, it was as if a wound was being reopened. The textbook says that “... lament
also requires crying out, giving voice to the ache deep within our bones.” (Neff & McMinn,
2020, pg. 28), this statement gives detail into how painful lament is, it is an overpouring of
emotions begging to be released. With this release, one can gain hope for the peace that comes
with a loved one passing. I believe this experience can bring me closer to God, to rely on him
more than ever before, this is shown in Romans 12:12, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation,
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be constant in prayer.”. In times of tribulation such as loss, one must be patient with themselves
and with the time it takes to grieve and heal.
Related Content
Clinton & Hawkins's book, The New Christian Counselor: A fresh biblical &
transformational approach (2015), relates to the book by Neff & McMinn (2020), in the way it
speaks on the subject of hope. The book states “Brokenness begs for healing.” (Clinton &
Hawkins, 2015, pg. 13), and this relates to the Neff & McMinn (2020) textbook in the way that
throughout the first chapter, it speaks of remaining in the pain so that one may find a way to heal.
In both books, they discuss how when in pain and suffering, God is the ultimate caregiver to cry
unto, but we as counselors are servants of the Lord who are used to help our clients. The Clinton
& Hawkins (2015) book told of how spiritual problems are what causes all of life’s issues, but in
the Neff & McMinn book in Chapter Two, Quoheleth implied that issues stem from the attempt
to remain secure when there is no security because everything is uncertain, while also saying if
others lived in the moment, then they would not have as many worries about the future.
Both texts give insight on how to perform better as a Christian counselor, but in the Neff
& McMinn text, I feel as though I learned more about how to view the person in God's image
even though they do fleshly things. I will ensure to implement this into my future counseling role
as it will allow me to show greater empathy and compassion for my client. Another point that I
will apply is making sure to be with them through their pain, not trying to tidy it up and force
positivity into their pain. Upon reading the first three chapters of this book I believe I was able to
discover new skills and means of handling the client and their suffering.
Spiritual Formation
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These three chapters have impacted me spiritually in the way that they helped me to see a
new perspective on my clients and how to care for them. When I first began reading this book, I
was concerned I would not find interest, but upon further inspection, I was intrigued to see how I
could better assist my clients. Grief and suffering have always been difficult aspects of my life to
express because I try to take care of everyone else. Through the reading of these chapters, I was
able to recognize that if I do not first take care of my suffering, I will not be able to help or make
sense of my clients. The first chapter grabbed my attention the most because the way the author
talked about lament was so expressive and honest that it made me feel what he had written.
Though I already used this example it was the most impactful statement in the book for me
“...giving voice to the ache deep in our bones.” (Neff & McMinn, 2020, pg. 28). Pain is not a
passing emotion, pain is meant to be felt, it is as if something is trying to burst from the inside
out.
Upon reading this book I was able to gain a deeper understanding of, it is a part of the
process to feel the pain, that I do not have to be positive and push through it. Many times, I have
found myself trying to find the positive aspects of everything and it has made me spiritually and
mentally tired. While reading this book I feel that I have made a deeper connection with God
because it showed me that crying unto him about my pain is not complaining, but a relinquishing
of control and giving the pain to him. The chapters did inspire questions for me such as, when is
processing the pain going to start the healing process? Through reading these chapters I feel
encouraged to show my emotions and feel them as strongly as I can to begin healing pieces of
me that need to be whole again. These chapters have encouraged me to work on my soul care
and develop a closeness with God that allows me to give him the hurt and pain that I have
experienced that I keep within myself. I have become more like Jesus through the reading of
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these chapters because I can tell the emotional growth I have made, and I truly desire to show the
compassion that he has for his people through my counseling career. The scripture that I believe
relates to my spiritual formation is Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,
declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”, God put
me in the place I am in for a greater future not only for myself, but to impact those around me,
such as, my clients, family, and friends. He knew before I was born what I was meant to do, what
career I was meant to pursue, and the trials I would face. Through the trials and the suffering, I
will be able to grow spiritually and use this to help my clients.
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References
American Association of Christian Counselors (2014). Code of ethics. AACC.
https://www.aacc.net/code-of-ethics-2/
American Counseling Association. (2014). 2014 ACA code of ethics.
https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/default-document-library/2014-code-of-e
thics-finaladdress.pdf
Harmon, M. (2021, July 6). What does Jeremiah 29:11 mean?. Crossway.
https://www.crossway.org/articles/what-does-jeremiah-2911-mean/
Hawkins, R., & Clinton, T. (2015). The new Christian counselor: A fresh biblical &
transformational approach. Eugene, OR: Harvest House. ISBN: 9780736943543.
Neff, M., & McMinn, M. (2020). Embodying integration: A fresh look at Christianity in the
therapy room. IVP Academic.
Poor, J. C. (2023, August 25). The powerful meaning of Romans 12:12 (joyful in hope and
patient in affliction). Rethink. https://www.rethinknow.org/meaning-of-romans-12-12/
