2
Abstract
Based on the Attitudes and Beliefs Inventory that was provided as the basis of this paper, it was
discovered that I would have the most difficult time counseling someone who had a history of
domestic violence, pedophilia, or the desire to leave their family. At the opposite end, it was
discovered that I would be most comfortable counseling someone who believes in an egalitarian
marriage. As I thought about these scenarios, I began to have questions such as, can I set my
personal opinions aside? Can I show these clients that while I do or do not agree with their
choices, can I still show love to them through understanding? Can I separate the action from the
person? Finally, I can learn what it takes to understand that the counselor-client relationship is
about me helping the client work toward change.
3
Introduction
The readings for this course have brought to mind things that I had not considered would
be important as a counselor such as how to separate my personal feelings and beliefs while I am
in a session with a client. I have also recognized that I need to be mindful that my Christian
beliefs may not be in alignment with what my client believes. Supporting my clients even though
we do not see eye to eye is a real concern. As I read through the scenarios provided to us for this
assignment, I realized that I would need to work on my bracketing skills particularly when
working with clients that have a history of domestic violence and/or pedophilia or women who
want to leave their families. At the opposite end, I would need to not try to cause greater issues
in a marriage where a woman wants to and believes in an egalitarian marriage if the husband
does not because of my own egalitarian marriage. I will need to often review the American
Counseling Association Code of Ethics section A.4 to avoid imposing my own values.
Reaction
The statements that evoked the biggest reaction from me were on opposite sides of the
spectrum. The statements that I was most uncomfortable with were 19) a man convicted of
pedophilia and court-ordered for counseling; 21) A man convicted of domestic violence; 23) a
man recently released from jail after serving a sentence for rape; and 25) a woman who decided
to leave her husband and children to gain independence. The statement that I was most
comfortable with was a woman who believes in an egalitarian marriage.
As I looked more closely at the statements I was most uncomfortable with, I recognized
the common denominator with three of the statements is they are rooted in violence. The
American Counseling Association Code of Ethics A.11.b says that the counselors refrain from
referring prospective and current clients based solely on the counselor’s personally held values,
4
attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors (ACA, 2014). Counseling a man who would feel the need and
desire to hurt a woman or a child would be difficult for me. As a woman, I find it certainly
uncomfortable and almost scary to think of being alone in a room with a man who has a violent
past. I would be concerned if the man would show his violent side while in session if I suggested
a treatment plan or goal they were not receptive to. To feel safer, I would suggest either
telehealth or meeting during regular business office hours when others would be in the office.
The fourth statement I was most uncomfortable with is regarding a woman who would
leave her husband and children. I have personal experience with this scenario. Experiencing first
hand what it is like for children when their mother leaves them is heartbreaking.
The statement I was most comfortable with was the woman who believes in an egalitarian
marriage. The egalitarian approach reflects more women entering the workforce, more men
having flexible work schedules, or other important cultural forces (DiDonato, 2018). This type of
marriage believes that there is an equally shared responsibility to home and work. As a working
wife and mother, I live this egalitarian lifestyle.
Response
I have not been a victim of domestic violence or pedophilia and can attribute my
uncomfortableness to the idea that a man would willingly hurt a woman or child and enjoy it. I
have a daughter who was a victim of domestic violence. She would often make excuses for her
boyfriend’s behavior, even to the point of taking responsibility saying she provoked him.
Having to provide counseling to a man who perpetrated violence against a woman or child, who
gave them any idea that the violence was their fault would be difficult for me because I am a
mother and because of what my daughter went through.
5
As I thought about the mother who wants to leave her children, I thought about my sister.
My sister left her husband and four children when her children were all under 10 years old and
her husband was in the Army. As a result, she does not have a relationship with her children. As
a wife and mother, I can not fathom leaving my husband or my children willingly to go find my
independence. I would struggle trying to help a woman justify her choice to leave her family. I
saw and still see what this does to children; the anguish they feel that a mother would abandon
them.
I have the same belief as the woman who believes in egalitarian marriage. At the
beginning of our marriage, we filled our traditional gender roles in the family. My husband went
to work while I stayed home taking care of the house and children. We went into our marriage
with this understanding and agreement as we had both grown up with parents who maintained
traditional gender roles. As our children got older and began leaving home, we discussed going
back to school for my education and going to work. My husband is completely supportive and as
such our marriage has taken on the egalitarian way.
Action
In Matthew 6:15 (King James Bible, 2017) we learn “For if ye forgive men their
trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Because of my experience, but also
understanding the Christian philosophy of forgiveness, I need to be mindful that the men who
committed violence against women and children are not my daughter’s perpetrator and refrain
from imposing my personal beliefs on the subject. The American Counseling Association (ACA)
has changed their thoughts on client referrals. It is now not acceptable to refer a client to another
counselor simply because the counselor is uncomfortable with the topic or client. In keeping with
6
ACA ethics, I would need to work with these men rather than refer them to another counselor
(ACA, A.11.b).
In the case of the woman who wants to leave her husband and children, it is important to
understand what our bias and role is within this setting. According to the American Association
of Christian Counselors (AACC, ) Code of Ethics 1-120-d, Christian counselors may assist
clients in understanding the biblical parameters when the client is considering divorce. Most
likely, there is an underlying reason why the woman feels like her only solution to her issue is to
leave her family. Considering this, it could be helpful to bring the husband into a session to have
an open conversation about why the woman feels like she needs to leave her family.
Thinking about the woman who believes in an egalitarian marriage, the question
becomes, why does she need counseling? Does the husband believe in traditional roles and
therefore does not want to take on “woman’s work”? As a counselor, I would need to be mindful
to not impose my personal beliefs on this topic as I have an egalitarian marriage. Being able to
bracket my personal beliefs and maintaining a self awareness of my personal beliefs and values
will help me avoid influencing my client (Simmons, et al, 2024).
The conflict between wanting to help the client and my personal beliefs is one reason
why, as a counselor, I need to have a support network.
Conclusion
Christianity has a basis of forgiveness, love, humility, and understanding. As a faith-based
counselor, I need to be mindful of these premises, particularly when working with clients who
have values and beliefs that are not in alignment with my own. Supporting my clients even
though we do not see eye to eye is a real concern. My Christian beliefs may not be in alignment
with what my client believes. I need to show humility while trying to understand where each
7
client is coming from, why they feel, and act the way they do. It is important to realize that we
can show love to the person while not loving the behavior or the idea of what they think is the
solution to their problems. Building a network of counselors to look to for support is another way
to find guidance when faced with issues that we are not comfortable with.
8
References
American Association of Christian Counselors. (2023). Y-2023 Code of Ethics. Retrieved
from https://aacc.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/AACC_Code-of-
Ethics-2023_FINAL.pdf
American Counseling Association. (2014). 2014 Code of Ethics. Retrieved from
https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/ethics/2014-aca-code-of-ethics.pdf?
sfvrsn=fde89426_5
DiDonato, T. E. (2018, April 23). Are You an Egalitarian Couple? Psychology Today.
Simmons, R. T., Lilley, S. C., Kuhnley, A. K. (2024). Introduction to Counseling: Integration of
Faith, Professional Identity, and Clinical Practice (2nd ed.). : Kendall Hunt Publishing
Company.
King James Bible. (2017). King James Bible Online.
https://www.https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/prov/29?
lang=eng#p10.org/ (Original work published 1769)
Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org)
