Often it is the goldmine of philosophers, social scientists, self help gurus, and social
policy majors, to pull from series of well worded vernacular a sequence of quotable passages that
really, while in some cases mildly helpful, fall flat when encountering the real world. When real
troubles, struggles, and difficulties arise, a quaint saying such as these are woefully inadequate to
deal with the breadth of emotion being experienced.
There are a few, however, that stand the test of tribulation. The question to me, then
becomes, why some and not others. Afterall, you might find some very nicely cross-stitched
pillows telling you to “believe in yourself!” or “never give up!” While these quaint sayings offer
little in the way of real hope or wisdom, Brene Brown attempts to go beyond the small niceties.
Brene Brown begins her book, Braving the Wilderness, with this quote from Maya Angelu, “You
are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all.
The price is high, but the reward is great” (1971.) The idea that belonging to yourself and
braving the wilderness of unknown territory is where we find resolution. The idea of braving the
wilderness takes on a more complex meaning when she gives the B.R.A.V.I.N.G acronym. Out
of the seven relevant talking points, three catch particular attention.
The first, is the first letter in Braving, B. B stands for boundaries, which Brene believes is
one of the most important first steps to the foundations of a healthy co-working or friend
relationship. Instituting specific and clear points which are unavailable for discussion means that
there won’t be any miscommunication or unclear roles. Setting boundaries in times of conflict,
further allow for clarification and help avoid unnecessary pitfalls or rabbit trails.
Second, is the V for vault. This is the idea that once someone speaks something
confidentiality to you, they know that you are unlikely to go around telling others. This is
something that is uncommon in our own day and age. For example, it is often the case that those
who promise to keep a level of confidentiality will only keep that confidentiality one way or the
other. Someone who is looking to avoid conflict is someone who would be willing to keep the
‘vault’ closed regardless of personal benefit.
Third, and perhaps most counter-cultural is the G. G in B.R.A.V.I.N.G stands for
generosity, this means that regardless of the situation it should be our first instinct to associate
positive intent with the actions causing conflict. An example of this in my own life would be a
new company policy directive I disagree with. While it might be something that makes my job
more difficult or causes more work, it is rarely due to the bad intentions I attribute with it. While
it is okay to disagree or raise issue with certain things, we would have a much easier time
coming to agreement if we’re willing to have the generosity necessary to attribute good
motivations. The idea of approaching conflict from a place of empathy and compassion is also
something that is heavily discussed in a study done by researcher Olga Kilmeki saying,
“empathy and compassion have been associated with more favorable attitudes and higher
readiness for reconciliation across a range of intergroup settings” (2019, para. 1).
It is through these specific three things that we come back to the idea of Maya Angelu’s
quote. It isn’t this pleasant but broad and abstract idea like, “find yourself”, rather it is the idea
that we should know ourselves, our beliefs, and our own mission that we find our belonging in
times where one otherwise can’t see it. 1 Peter 3:15 address this concept saying, “… always
being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in
you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,” (English Standard Version, 2021). By understanding
ourselves and knowing what we believe before entering conflict, as well as addressing such
conflict with the attributes of B.R.A.V.I.N.G
References:
(2017, September 12). Retrieved October 14, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=A9FopgKyAfI&ab_channel=MarieForleo
Conversations with Maya Aneglou [Interview by B. Moyers]. (n.d.). Retrieved October 14, 2021,
from https://www.brainpickings.org/2013/06/14/maya-angelou-bill-moyers-1973/
English Standard Version Bible. (2021). Bible Gateway Online.
https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/1%20Peter%203%3A15 (Original work published 1769)
Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org)
