Essay 2
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Essay 2
COMS 560 – B02
Janice Hall
March 6, 2016
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Aggressive
Aggressive communication is when one stands up for their personal rights and express
their thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a way that is usually inappropriate and always violates the
rights of the other person. Often times, people often feel devastated by an encounter with an
aggressive person. An aggressive person obtains superiority by putting others down. Aggressive
communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive. It is said that aggressive communication
is born of low self-esteem (often caused by past physical and/or emotional abuse), unhealed
emotional wounds, and feelings of powerlessness.
Behavior of aggressive communicators include trying to dominate others , using
humiliation to control others , criticizing, blaming, or attacking others, speaking in a loud,
demanding, and overbearing voice, acting threateningly and rudely, and having piercing eye
contact and an overbearing posture. The dominating characteristic of aggressive communicators
makes no room for them to listen, so aggressive communicators are poor listeners. Aggressive
communicators become alienated from others, they alienate others, they generate fear and hatred
in others, and they always blame others instead of owning their issues, and thus are unable to
mature.
An aggressive communicator must win arguments and they operate from a win/lose
position. Aggressive communicators often harbor feelings of anger, hostility, frustration, and
impatience. There is much time and energy wasted by aggressive communicators. Resistance,
defiance, sabotaging, striking back, forming alliances, lying, and covering up are all things that
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may be fostered by an aggressive communicator. An aggressive communicator also forces
compliance by the use of resentment.
Passive-Aggressive
Passive-aggressive communication is when an individual appears passive on the
surface but they are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way.
People who develop a pattern of passive-aggressive communication usually feel powerless,
stuck, and resentful – in other words, they feel incapable of dealing directly with the object
of their resentments. In turn, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real
or imagined) of their resentments. Passive-aggressive communicators will smile at you
while setting booby traps all around you.
Behavior of passive-aggressive communicators include muttering to themselves rather
than confronting the person or issue, have difficulty acknowledging their anger, use
sarcasm, and appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt. Often
times, passive-aggressive communicators clam up when feeling treated unfairly, ask
permission unnecessarily, complain instead of taking action, and allow others to make
choices. Passive-aggressive communicators will become alienated from those around them,
remain stuck in a position of powerlessness, and discharge resentment while real issues are
never addressed so they can't mature.
During confrontation, a passive-aggressive communicator will avoid, ignore, leave, or
postpone the conflict. The passive-aggressive communicator agrees externally, while
disagreeing internally, expends energy to avoid conflicts that are anxiety provoking, and agrees
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too often. A passive-aggressive communicator slowly loses their self-esteem and gives up on
being her or himself.
Non-Assertive
Non-assertive behavior communication is sometimes referred to as passive behavior.
Some characteristics of non-assertive behavior include not expressing feelings, needs, and ideas;
ignoring personal rights; and allowing others to infringe upon them. Non-assertive behavior is
usually emotionally dishonest, indirect, inhibited, and self-denying. Individuals who are non-
assertive communicators often let other people choose for them and end up feeling disappointed
in themselves and angry with them. People often choose non-assertive behavior to avoid
unpleasant situations, tension, conflict, and confrontation.
Non-assertive communicators often feel anxious because life seems out of their control,
feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless, often feel confused because they ignore
their own feelings, and they are unable to mature because real issues are never addressed. Non-
assertive individuals do not respond overtly to hurtful or anger-inducing situations. They allow
grievances and annoyances to mount, usually unaware of the buildup. Once they have reached
their high tolerance threshold for unacceptable behavior, they are prone to explosive outbursts,
which are usually out of proportion. After the outburst, they feel shame, guilt, and confusion, so
they return to being non-assertive.
During confrontation, non-assertive communicators avoid, ignore, leave, postpone, agree
externally, while disagreeing internally, and agree too often. Non-assertive communicators often
give up being him or herself, doesn't know where he or she stands. Often times when repressing
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anger and frustration, more positive feelings are diminished, causing the non-assertive
communicator to lose self-esteem.
Assertive
Assertive communication is a way of communicating feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in an
open, honest manner without violating the rights of others. This communication is an alternative
to being aggressive where other people’s rights are abused, and passive where our own rights are
abused. Assertive communication is said to be born of high self-esteem. Individuals who are
assertive value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and are
strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others.
Assertive communicators state and express their needs and wants clearly, appropriately,
and respectfully, communicate respect for others, listen well without interrupting, speak in a
calm and clear tone of voice, stand up for their rights, and do not allow others to abuse or
manipulate them. An assertive communicator states limits, expectations, and observations; there
are no labels or judgment. The assertive communication will allow assertive communicators to
feel connected to others, feel in control of their lives, and create a respectful environment for
others to grow and mature.
During confrontation, an assertive communicator negotiates, bargains, trades off,
compromises. Assertive communicators confront problems at the time they happen, and doesn't
let negative feelings build up. An assertive communicator has increased self-esteem, self-
confidence, increases the self-esteem of others, and feels motivated and understood. The
aggressive style is essential at certain times such as when a decision has to be made quickly, and
when you know you're right and that fact is crucial.
