Oriana Davis
Discussion board three – Forgiveness
COMS 560
Liberty University
Dr. Stephanie Anastasia
What 3 ideas from your most recent course readings best explain the anatomy of
forgiveness and reconciliation in this moment? Explain your selection of ideas. Be specific
in making the connections to the video content.
This was a great video and showed offered some great insight into forgiveness and
reconciliation. One of the first ideas from the reading comes from chapter seven which is “every
person does affect every person” (Hocker and Wilmot, 2018, p. 232). The reason this one spoke
to me is because I have been in situations where friends have gone through conflicting situations
and I inadvertently took sides even though I was not a part of the conflict. In the video when the
Lakers and the Pistons were in the finals together the Lakers had to see Magic show his loyalty
to his team in order for them to follow suit. He led by example.
The second idea from the reading is “forgiving oneself requires that we reconcile two
different images of ourselves: the person we think we are and the person who caused the harm”
(Hocker and Wilmot, 2018, p. 347). Forgiveness is hard in general but after thinking about a
situation and healing it can be easy to forgive someone who hurt you in one way or another.
However, it is still hard to forgive yourself. When Magic and Isaiah had that moment of
forgiveness you can almost see when they let it go and forgave themselves as well. When they
embraced it was forgiveness for each other and themselves.
The last idea was getting stuck in a eddy which is a “long-term, low-grade, simmering
resentment” according to Hocker and Wilmot (2018, p.335). When it comes to being hurt by
someone often times it seems easier to hold on to that hurt as a way to not forgive the person. I
have also been in situations where I sat in an eddy and felt content there until it started to hinder
other areas of my life. This seemed to be how Magic and Isaiah were behaving. They were not
talking but at least Isaiah would say if Magic every needed him he would be there, neither
reached out to get the healing process started. (335 words)
What biblical principle best helps us to understand what we’re seeing?
There are so many bible verses that speak about forgiveness and loving one another. The
one that stands out to me is Colossians 3:13 which states “Bear with each other and forgive one
another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (NIV).
This one stands out because it shows that we have to have patience with one another. Zhang,
Ting-Toomey, Oetzel, & Zhang (2015) stated “…forgiveness plays a critical role in mending
injuries, transcending pains, renewing trust, and reestablishing relationships following the
transgressions” (p.312). Forgiveness is beneficial for everyone involved because holding on to
negativity can cause internal health issues, and issues in future relationships.
How did this moment impact you?
The moment impacted me by showing me that it is possible to forgive and even after a
long period of time to sit in the conflict. I had a very bad breakup and it took three years for us to
even have a real conversation again. It took another six months for me to be able to mingle with
him in person. That came after having a real honest conversation about both of our issues and
contribution to the demise of our relationship. Kiper and DiVietro (2018) mention two ways to
view forgiveness is either conditional and deserving of forgiveness or unconditional and will not
contribute to healing. I never would have thought I would have forgiven him let alone having a
conversation and sharing space with him again. The moment let me know that forgiveness is
possible especially after a really good and understanding conversation.
References
Kiper, J., & DiVietro, S. (2018). Introduction: When and when not to forgive. At the Interface /
Probing the Boundaries, 95, vii–xxv.
Zhang, Q., Ting-Toomey, S., Oetzel, J. G., & Zhang, J. (2015). The emotional side of
forgiveness: A cross-cultural investigation of the role of anger and compassion and face
threat in interpersonal forgiveness and reconciliation. Journal of International &
Intercultural Communication, 8(4), 311–329. https://doi-
org.ezproxy.liberty.edu/10.1080/17513057.2015.1087094
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