Running head: ESSAY 1 1
Essay 1
Lydia Wray
COMS 560
Liberty University
ESSAY 1 2
Essay 1
Select 2-3 ideas from the texts you’ve read in this class that has changed the way you think
about conflict. Provide a theoretical explanation of each idea and then connect them to a
biblical way of understanding conflict. In doing so, your goal is to answer the question, how
have these ideas changed your personal development in understanding, engaging, and
advancing a more constructive, biblical approach to conflict and conflict resolution? Even
though this question lends itself to personal reflection, be content-rich and specific in your
responses. Use of first-person is permitted here, but not to be overdone.
Within the changing times of the world, whether through technology, politics or even the
current “fads”, there are always conflicts that can arise through the choices that we make.
Conflicts can be seen as any different problem or issue that are had with team member, family
members, politicians, nations, work colleagues and even with our own selves. Sadri-Damirchi
& Bilge (2014) also add to this by stating that “conflict is also considered to be an opportunity
for growth and problem-solving” (paragraph 6). We all have conflicts that arise within our lives,
sometimes at the most inconvenient times, but it is the way that we go about understanding,
engaging and finally trying to resolve that given conflict that helps us be better Christians.
Canaan Messarra, Karkoulian & El-Kassar (2016) wrote that “the conflict management style
that the individual chooses to adopt may largely influence the outcome of the conflict”
(paragraph 1). Understanding that conflict resolution is a daily battle that many of us may
face, to be better Christians we must trust in the Lord and know that all the trials and
tribulations are only put on us to see how strong we are as individuals.
Throughout the course material so far, there have been many concepts that have
taught me ways to deal with conflict and confrontation better, and ways on how religion can
aid in this conflict resolution. Within all of the course material, there were three ideas that
changed my personal development in understanding, engaging and more constructive and
biblical approach to the given conflict and the conflict resolution. The three ideas that stood
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out to me the most are: communicating in conflict situations and being assertive, aspects of
identity and finally the ways to forgiveness and reconciliation. These three concepts have
taught me to think more on how I can understand conflicts better and how I can better
myself within those tough times.
Communicating In Conflict Situations
Communication is the key to any relationship. According to Cahn & Abigail (2014) the
definition of communication is the “exchange of verbal and nonverbal messages in an attempt to
better understand one another’s perspective and create shared meaning” (p. 10). With using our
words and our feelings in what we communicate, conflicts can arise at any time. One person may
jump to conclusions or accusations of the other and there can be many ways on how this conflict
can be resolved. One may swear or curse at the other, or one may just avoid the conflict all
together or each can sit down as a team and discuss the problem together. Matthew 15:18 says
that “but what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart” (ESV). We have to be careful of
what we say and do when we are angry since we speak before we think at those times. Matthew
shows that even if we say things out of anger, our words can still come from the heart and the
emotions that we feel at that time and we need to be careful of how we use them.
Assertive communication is defined as the ability to speak up for one’s interest, concerns,
or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interests or infringes on the rights of others
(Chan & Abigail, 2014, p. 82). Knowing that assertive communication is more of a way to speak
up for how you feel has changed my understanding of how conflict resolution can be viewed.
When there was a conflict, I had always thought that assertive communication was almost more
of a forceful approach in getting ones point across in a discussion, rather than sitting down and
talking things out. I have personally always been one to try to avoid a conflict from the
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beginning, but if a conflict does arise, I can now engage in that conflict and “adapt as needed,
and avoid little problems turning into bigger ones” (Chan & Abigail, 2014, p. 83). Using these
tools that I have learned within this idea now allows me to approach conflicting situations with a
different outlook and mind set, which then in the end allows me to grown and understand others
better than I had before. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 proclaims that “therefore encourage one another
and build one another up, just as you are doing” (ESV). This speaks volumes to how Christians
should approach any conflict and build one another up, rather than tearing each other down.
Aspects of Identity
Aspects of identity have always been around and it’s only now that more people are being
aware of what they are and how they can be viewed. Within Helmick, Petersen and S.J, Donna
Hicks states that the two aspects of identity are the “I” and “Me” where the “the ‘I’ is the core
identity, what which one cannot change” and “the ‘Me’ that which I will call the constructed
identity” (p. 130-131). This discusses how the “I” is the unchangeable and the “Me” is
changeable concepts of one’s own identity. We all have expectations of ourselves and one
another and with identity and integrity conflicts that may arise, these perceptions that we have
can then cause unruly environments. Romans 3:23 states that “for all have sinned and fall short
of the glory of God” (ESV), which shows that no matter the identity that we put on ourselves or
one another, we are all the same in God’s eyes, no matter how perfect we feel that we need to be.
Now understanding that the “I” in my identity is something that I cannot change and that
it is with me, I can now start to understand and allow myself to develop into a new version of
myself. Donna Hicks makes a great statement in which she writes that “under condition s that
promote growth and development, we can accept the fact that we are constantly living with
ambivalence and uncertainty” (p. 135). We know that there are some things about ourselves that
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we cannot change and some things that we constantly are working towards, and having that
identity to work towards the perceptions that we want is always the goal. Sadri-Damirchi &
Bilge (2014) make a great addition to this by writing that “in the modern world, advances and
changes experienced in social, political, and economic domains have not been effective in
diminishing the unwanted behaviors displayed by individuals in the society” (paragraph 1). We
all think that there are aspects that we can always change from the “Me” identity, but now
understanding that the “I” in the aspects of identity will never change, allows me to appreciate
things that I have and also allows me to approach conflicts in a more open mind, rather than
coming in thinking of things that I can try to change at that given time. Donna Hicks makes a
great addition to this by writing that “one cannot be expected to give up an aspect of one’s
identity without addressing the conditions that gave rise to it in the first place” (p. 146).
Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Forgiveness and reconciliation comes from one’s own heart and mind. One must trust
in the resolution of the conflict to forgive and try to compromise with the other to move on.
Chan & Abigail (2014) define reconciliation as “a behavioral process in which we take actions to
restore a relationship or create a new one following forgiveness” (p. 207). We all need
forgiveness within our lives and whether we “forgive and forget” or “forgive but always
remember” is something that we ourselves have to make as a choice. Mark 11:25 proclaimed that
“and whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your
Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (ESV).
Taking into consideration that we all have hard times in forgiving and reconciliation with
others makes me understand that pain and struggles that others go through as well. I now know
that this engaging with others and taking the time out with my heart and mind and allowing other
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the forgiveness that they need can also help me within the future as well. It is not right to hold
onto grudges and fights that have happened in the past because one cannot get over them, with
forgiveness and understanding of another, we all as Christians can grow. We do not forgive to
become martyrs to the relationship. We forgive because it is better for us and better for the other
person. We forgive because we want to act freely again, not react out of past pain (Chan &
Abigail, 2014, p. 207).
Conclusion
Learning all the different concepts within this class that taught me, within the first
three weeks, has been very enlightening. I have always been a very closed off person when
it came to facing conflicts and even conflict resolution, but now that I can take some
feedback back of the different concepts that I can use to approach these conflict with will be
very helpful. Being a Christian within these given times can be difficult but knowing that no
matter what I do, the Lord will take me into his light and show me the way allows me to
keep pushing on. Taking these concepts and applying them to my everyday life will take
time and integration; however, with the help from peers and the Lord, I will grow as a
person and evolve more as a Christian.
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References
Cahn, D. D. & Abigail, R. A. (2014). Managing conflict through communication (5th ed.).
Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon. ISBN: 978-0-205-86213-9
Canaan Messarra, L., Karkoulian, S., & El-Kassar, A. N. (2016). Conflict resolution styles and
personality: The moderating effect of generation X and Y in a non-Western
context. International Journal of Productivity and Performance Management, 65(6), 792-
810. Retrieved from
http://www.emeraldinsight.com.ezproxy.liberty.edu/doi/full/10.1108/IJPPM-01-2016-0014
Helmick, Raymond G., Rodney L. Petersen, and S. J. Forgiveness And Reconciliation: Religion
Public Policy And Conflict Transformation. Philadelphia, PA: Templeton Foundation Press,
2001. ISBN: 978-1890151843.\
Sadri-Damirchi, E., & Bilge, F. (2014). The Effect of Peace Education Program on The Seven-
Grade Student's Conflict Resolution and Communication Skills. Egitim ve Bilim, 39(175).
Retrieved from https://search-proquest-com.ezproxy.liberty.edu/docview/1626670779?
pq-origsite=summon&accountid=12085
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