The pastor as a crisis counselor
Summoned by the hospital emergency staff, I rushed to the hospital and found her absolutely
devastated. Between sobs she told the story. With no warning, her husband had keeled over
backward and passed out. She talked about how long they had been married, where their children
now lived, I and how they moved to this community recently. She and her husband had never
talked about what they would do in case something happened to either of them. They had no
pastor or church. Her only friend was a coworker at the factory.
The doctor walked in. "I'm sorry," he said. "We did everything we could." What's a pastor to do
for an unbelieving 52-year-old-woman plunged in the grief of death and loneliness?
In less than three years their marriage had already turned sour. They discovered that
courtship was one thing; marriage something else. They were both bright, articulate,
competitive, and unwilling to cooperate with each other.
They could not even tell the story of why they'd come to the pastor without diving into a vitriolic
attack on each other. Revenge flared and tempers flashed. Glares and seething words turned to
shouts and accusations.
What's a pastor to do for a couple in a crisis in relationship?
A father with two of his earliteen boys went out hunting. They sat down to rest. As one of
the boys was laying down his gun, it went off accidentally and hit the father. The boys
carried him to the pickup, where one cradled his bleeding head while the other peeked
over the steering wheel, stretched for the pedals, and drove to the hospital.
Surgery was under way when the pastor arrived. He sat with the boys, helped them phone their
mother hundreds of miles away, and then listened to their terrible story.
After the doctors broke the horrible news, the pastor took the boys to his home. The pastor's wife
washed the father's blood off their clothes as they waited for their mother to arrive.
What's a pastor to do for grieving children who feel guilty and angry, lost and lonely?
Pastors frequently confront a variety of crises. Family violence, abuse and neglect, suicide
threats or realities, medical emergencies, accidents, depression, financial stress, parent-child
tensions, and other such crises clamor for their personal and professional attention. How can
pastors identify moments of crisis? Are there elements common to crisis situations? What special
resources do pastors have to address crisis needs? What skills and Bible principles might be
effectively applied to ease the pain of those who suffer?
Moments of crisis
Some have described a crisis as an opportunity in disguise. While it may destabilize the present
and make it look like a failure, it also presents opportunity for significant growth. The Chinese
character for "crisis" is a combination of two characters one meaning "danger," the other
"opportunity." How startlingly accurate!
In spite of all the textbook definitions, each individual must define for themselves what a crisis
is. We each have different limits and different sensibilities. For some, accidents are terribly
traumatic, even when they are not personally involved. Others are able to distance themselves
from the shock to function quite well under the "crisis" of an accident. Some cannot stand the
tension of interpersonal conflict, while others seem naturally able to maintain their composure
and facilitate the give- || and-take of negotiating, compromising, and resolving conflict.
Our individual tolerances for stress and crisis vary over time. At one time we may be able to
cope with change and loss with little long-term disorientation, while at another time or in
different circumstances we may not be able to cope with the smallest trauma. Because of such
unique differences from person to person and from time to time we must accept the perception of
those in crisis as valid and real in spite of how differently we may perceive it.
Common elements in crises
Those in crisis, regardless of the cause, experience similar responses. The intensity of their
response depends on the severity of the crisis and their own sensitivities and coping skills, but
they will share to some degree most of the following.
Disorientation. Those experiencing a crisis will experience disorientation and lose touch with
their present reality. People in accidents may wander aimlessly around the scene. Those grieving
the death of a friend or relative may deny the reality of death. Some may forget what day or what
time of day it is. Others may forget to eat or drink or take care of routine chores and
responsibilities.
Mental stress. Crises affect our ability to think. Those making decisions while in crisis often fail
to take all the facts into account. Quick solutions may seem more attractive than careful ones,
even for those who are usually quite meticulous. Decisive persons may seem paralyzed, unable
to make even the simplest choices. Some may bury their true response to crisis and escape from
the terrible reality by trying to be superlogical in their explanations.
Emotional stress. Emotional stress demonstrates itself in different ways. Some become very
expressive, while others appear cool and aloof. Most go through the classical stages of the grief
process and seek recovery.1 Initially the shock and denial are most apparent and absorb the
primary attention of supporters at the time of the crisis itself.
Physical symptoms. Physical symptoms can vary from person to person and situation to
situation. Crying, wailing, yelling, withdrawn silence, frenetic physical activity, or weakness and
fainting all express the inner turmoil and destabilization of a person in crisis.
The needs of persons in crisis
Because of the cluster of mental, emotional, and physical reactions to crisis, most of those in
crisis need someone outside themselves to rely on. They need to be able to turn to someone
whom they can trust to take care of them and see them through their trauma. The following are
some of their significant needs.
Hope. For those who believe, God is the ultimate refuge. In the midst of tragedy they may have
questions or doubts, but their experience and faith remain a strength. As God's representatives
pastors are a living reminder of hope, mediators of spiritual confidence.
Even for unbelievers a pastor may be a symbol of that hope. While their past experience may
provide no handholds to lift them from their plight, a pastor's confidence in God may be come
their vicarious exit from despair.
Help. Hope is humanity's greatest need, and God is best able to fill it. But those in crisis need
help too, human help. A person in intense crisis needs company. Loss and fear are major
responses to crisis, and most cope best when in the company of others. People they feel close to
are best, but even supportive strangers are usually much better than no one.
While there may be some who respond to crisis by taking charge, most need someone else to
make immediate decisions for them. Disorientation, blurring of the mind, emotional and physical
distress all inhibit the ability to manage the moment. As one removed from the situation, you can
be a sounding board to initiate and facilitate getting done what most needs to be done.
Recently a friend was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The physician discussed with my friend all
the treatment options and suggested a number of other specialists he might like to visit with
before he made a decision. He had so many choices about which he knew so little! I asked, "Do
you ever wish the physician had said 'Here is the situation, and here's what we need to do about
it!'" "Yes," he said. "It would have been such a relief!"
This is not to say we usurp control. Self-control is important for those in crisis the more we can
do to restore control to them the better. But they may have forgotten some essentials or not be
aware of what needs to be decided. For example, they may not have notified key relatives of a
death or an insurance company of an accident. They may not know where they will spend the
night or which hospital or funeral home they wish to use.
All of this does not mean we must know everything a crisis situation demands. But we do need
to have the presence of mind to seek out the answers or make appropriate referrals. Seeking out
resource persons or walking with a traumatized person to an interview or consultation is itself
comforting. Done tactfully and personally, consultation and referral are reassuring and increase
rather than undermine confidence in us.
Touch. Most traumatized people benefit from touch. It connects them with the real world,
reminds them they are not alone, and is a symbol of concern and comfort. However, one needs to
be careful and thoughtful that an expression such as touching is not misunderstood. Leave the
doors open, stay in the company of others, do all the right things to avoid being misunderstood or
entrapped.2
Prompt, calm action. Crises demand prompt, calm action. Promptness can prevent further
injury as well as save the already wounded. Emergency highway personnel first flag other cars to
prevent them from plowing into an existing wreck. Marital therapists promptly interrupt couples
who begin verbally destroying one another. Prompt response to a request for non-emergency
help, even if only to set an appointment in the near future, creates hope.
Helpers must remain calm. If they get upset too, those in crisis lose confidence in them.
Action is crucial. Initially many in severe crisis are paralyzed and unaware of the present.
Knowing that others are busy taking care of the essential items comforts them. They rely on
others and, for that period of time, become dependent. As they emerge from the initial shock,
being busy themselves helps overcome the feeling of helplessness. Many want to be doing
something, even though it may be meaningless or irrelevant. Activity is helpful.
Skills and Bible principles
Behind and beyond the techniques and skills we learn as professionals lie several fundamental
truths. To miss them, neglect them, or abuse them is to blur our identity and blunt our
effectiveness as pastors.
If people in crisis needed only skilled professionals, caring friends, and loving family, then they
would not need you. Our pastoral presence proclaims that human warmth and skill are
insufficient to meet deep human needs. When faced with the reality of human trauma,
sympathetic friends and skilled professionals only cover up symptoms or provide temporary
solutions. Lasting hope comes only from the eternal God.
Might we not expect pastors to be champions of trust in helping those in crisis to surrender to
God? We preach and teach the value of giving everything to God. How essential that message is
for those in crisis! Human beings can waste a life time determined to change what they cannot
control. A vital step in crisis recovery is to accept the crisis whether we like it or not. As that
famous prayer says so well, we must ask God for the courage to change what we can, the
serenity to accept what we cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Jesus the model crisis Counselor
When Lazarus died, Jesus demonstrated the interaction of human tragedy, crisis counseling
skills, and divine aid. When He arrived at Bethany, He greeted Martha with a promise: "Your
brother will rise again" (John 11:23). Martha grieved intellectually. She was caught up with the
reasons for and meaning of the event. Jesus met her doubts and confirmed her hope.
When Mary came to Jesus she was in emotional shambles. Jesus shared her emotions, and He
wept (John 11:35).
Pastors need never apologize for sharing sympathetic tears. Every pastor may not cry visibly, but
every pastor should cry inside, should weep with those who weep and mourn with those who
mourn. Those sympathetic streams communicate more than thousands of words! Jesus shared the
trauma but didn't let it overcome Him. Behind His tears He never lost track of who He was or
why He was there. If grief overwhelms us, we cannot provide professional help.
Jesus maintained a constant awareness of human needs and ministered to them. Drawing on the
reservoir of His own faith, He became the source of people's hope and victory. God created
humans with intelligence and empathy. Discovered and developed psychological and relational
skills allow us to work within the boundaries of His created world. God offers help beyond the
natural and hope through His power and promises. People have a right to expect both skills and
hope from us who minister in God's name.
Everyday life is full of ups and downs that impact our thinking, emotions, and behaviors.
Adolescence is a challenging time that can be fraught with turmoil. Simply put, teens feel their
feelings more intensely than adults and have more difficulty regulating powerful emotions,
which can often lead to a crisis. Crises can develop and escalate quickly, resulting in the need for
crisis intervention services to prevent self-harm, suicidal thoughts or attempts, or harm to others.
Imagine Nampa offers teen intervention services in Idaho for adolescents between 12 and 17.
Our certified behavior therapists and mental health workers are highly skilled at providing a
thorough assessment to identify the underlying issues and develop a treatment plan to address
your child’s unique needs and circumstances. If your teen is experiencing a crisis, do not delay
reaching out for help. Contact our team at 208.203.8574 to learn about our crisis intervention
services and teen mental health programs.
What Are Crisis Interventions?
A crisis is any situation that causes an individual to lose their ability to effectively use problem-
solving or coping skills to manage their thoughts, emotions, or behaviors. Crisis interventions
refer to the methods used to provide urgent, short-term care that helps stop the downward spiral
of dysfunction and return them to their prior level of pre-crisis functioning.
What Triggers a Crisis in Teenagers?
Because each of us is unique, there is almost no end to the possible events or circumstances that
can trigger a crisis. Indeed, any traumatic event that either is or can be perceived as life-
threatening is a potential trigger. Examples can include:
Natural disasters
Being the victim of a crime
Mental health disorders
Medical illness
Serious injuries
Chronic stress
Trauma
Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse
Teenagers often encounter potential triggers that are distinctive to their age group, including, but
not limited to:
Peer pressure
Bullying
Parental neglect or abuse
Divorce, separation, or other family issues
Pressure to perform in sports or academics
Identity issues, including gender identity or sexuality
Safety issues, such as school shootings
Relationship issues, grief surrounding the death of a friend or family member, loss of
friendships, anxiety, depression, and feeling isolated or generally misunderstood can also result
in the need for crisis interventions.
What Is the Goal of Crisis Intervention?
The initial goal of crisis intervention is to provide stabilization of symptoms. This is particularly
true when the person in crisis engages in self-harm or is in danger of harming themselves or
others.
Other goals of crisis intervention include:
Identifying the main problems, including what precipitated the crisis
Reducing the intensity of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors related to the crisis
Fostering the return of pre-crisis functioning
Teaching emotional self-regulation
Promoting the development of coping and problem-solving skills
Teaching prevention strategies for self-harm
Building self-awareness and self-confidence
Through crisis intervention services, teens can learn to eliminate maladaptive coping skills such
as substance abuse, isolation, and withdrawal from friends and family. They can also learn anger
management skills and relapse prevention. Teens and parents need to understand that crisis
intervention is not the end-all answer but the first step in stabilizing emotions and behaviors so
teens are ready to identify and address the underlying roots of their issues and challenges.
Notes
1. See Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying (New York: Macmillan Pub. Co., Inc.,
1970).
2. See Peter Rutter, Sex in the Forbidden Zone (New York: Fawcett Crest, 1989); also Karen
Lebacqz and Ronald D. Barton, Sex in the Parish (Louisville: Westminster/John Knox Press,
1991).
