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A Review of:
“From Scared To Repaired: Using An Attachment-Based Perspective To Understand
Situational Couple Violence”
Summary
This article (Schneider & Brimhall, 2013) brought to light the prevalence of situational
couple violence (SCV) and the difficulty that marriage and family therapists have in treating
couples who struggle with it. With the goal of developing “a framework for treating couples
with attachment-related cycles that lead to violence,” Schneider and Brimhall (2013) discussed
the various factors that are involved when determining the safety of these couples during
treatment (p. 368). Schneider and Brimhall (2013) suggested that in situations in which the
violence is not based on power or control but rather anxiety or situational frustration, the addition
of interventions derived from attachment theory can be helpful to clients in developing more
healthy and effective interactions. Using a clinical vignette, the authors (Schneider & Brimhall,
2013) explained the correlation between attachment styles and violent tendencies in
relationships.
Schneider and Brimhall (2013) explained the use of emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
when dealing with situations of SCV. They explained that the process of EFT consists of three
stages: Stage I focuses on identifying emotional barriers to relational; Stage II involves
addressing primary attachment-related emotions and fostering communication and support
between partners; and Stage III entails restructuring the attachment dynamics to rebuild trust and
security (Schneider & Brimhall, 2013). The authors (Schneider & Brimhall, 2013) also explained
that there are significant changes to not only a couple’s sense of individual and relational
security when violence occurs but also to their brain chemistry, driving home the long-term
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deleterious effects that this violence can have on their overall sense of trust in the relationship.
This information culminated in Schneider and Brimhall (2013) proposing their attachment-based
safety plan.
Schneider and Brimhall’s (2013) attachment-based safety plan consisted of an emphasis
on the importance of addressing both physical and emotional safety in couples dealing with
violence. Traditional models often focus solely on physical safety, but the authors’ proposed
attachment-based approach recognizes the significance of emotional safety in reducing violence
(Schneider & Brimhall, 2013). The safety plan includes components such as a pledge of non-
violence, identifying triggers for violence escalation, and implementing "time-outs" during
conflicts (Schneider & Brimhall, 2013, p. 372). Rather than strict adherence to a no-violence
policy, the authors recommend that clinicians must assess the risk factors for ongoing violence
while working with the couple to understand attachment-based fears and communication patterns
that contribute to conflict escalation (Schneider & Brimhall, 2013). Their approach involves
ongoing conversations, exploring emotional responses, and identifying individual needs within
the relational context to promote safety and connection in the relationship (Schneider &
Brimhall, 2013).
The authors (Schneider & Brimhall, 2013) acknowledge the use of other techniques, such
as a strength-based approach, when dealing with couples experiencing SCV but emphasize the
importance of addressing attachment-based insecurities or injuries that precede or follow
violence. Schneider and Brimhall (2013) stated that more research would be beneficial for
showing how useful viewing violence through an attachment lens can be for helping couples
create a sense of safety. Ultimately, a concrete framework for helping couples navigate SCV was
not expressed. However, solid evidence was presented for the utility of EFT, the efficacy of
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attachment-based safety plans, and the use of tools such as time-outs during treatment (Schneider
& Brimhall, 2013).
Interaction
While reading this article (Schneider & Brimhall, 2013), I was engaged and intrigued by
their approach to addressing attachment-related cycles that lead to violence. One aspect that
stood out was their recognition of the complexity of treating couples with SCV. The distinction
between violence rooted in power and control versus that stemming from anxiety or situational
frustration is crucial and valuable for clinicians determining the current state of safety in the
couple. The discussion on emotionally focused therapy (EFT) and its three stages was also
particularly enlightening.
Additionally, Schneider and Brimhall's (2013) attachment-based safety plan is a valuable
addition to my toolkit of techniques I can pull from when dealing with SCV in the future. The
plan's comprehensive approach, including physical and emotional safety components, reflects a
more holistic view of violence within relationships, which appeals to my holistic approaches to
treatment planning. The emphasis on ongoing conversations, exploring emotional responses, and
identifying individual needs resonates with the idea of promoting safety and connection in the
relationship, which I agree is necessary for a successful long-term prognosis.
I chose to explore the topic of treating couples dealing with SCV because it hits close to
home for me. My partner's previous relationship was marred by domestic violence, and
witnessing the profound impact it had on her has motivated me to delve deeper into
understanding how therapists can effectively help couples navigate through such challenging
situations. I believe that gaining knowledge and insights in this area can benefit my
understanding of my partner's experiences and equip me with valuable tools and perspectives to
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support them and others facing similar challenges in their relationships. As a result, I feel a need
to research both attachment theory and emotionally focused therapy further.
Application
Selena and Jordan have been married for seven years and have three young children.
They initially sought couples therapy due to escalating conflicts and occasional instances of
verbal and physical aggression in their relationship. Selena, aged 32, works as a teacher and has
a history of growing up in a family where arguments often turned into heated confrontations.
Jordan, aged 35, works in finance and comes from a family where conflicts were often avoided
rather than addressed.
The presenting problem for Selena and Jordan revolves around their communication
breakdowns, frequent arguments over parenting styles, and financial stressors. These conflicts
often lead to yelling matches and occasional outbursts of physical aggression, such as pushing or
throwing objects. Selena and Jordan express feeling unheard, unappreciated, and disconnected,
leading to a lack of emotional intimacy and trust in their relationship.
During the initial assessment, it becomes evident that Selena tends to resort to verbal
aggression when feeling overwhelmed or invalidated, while Jordan tends to withdraw and shut
down emotionally during conflicts. Their attachment styles also play a role, with Selena leaning
towards anxious attachment and Jordan exhibiting avoidant attachment tendencies.
Deciding to utilize emotionally focused therapy (EFT) when working with this situation,
I will first establish with them that the primary goal of their treatment will be to build a
foundation of both emotional and physical safety. To do that, I will explain the use of tools such
as attachment-based safety plans and time-outs. It will be vital for me to maintain a consistent
assessment of the couple’s level of safety and risk for violence.
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These sessions with Selena and Jordan will focus on creating a safe and supportive
environment for open communication and conflict resolution. I will make it a goal to guide them
through the stages of emotionally focused therapy (EFT), starting with identifying emotional
barriers to relational security (Stage I). This will involve exploring their attachment-related fears,
past experiences, and triggers for aggressive behaviors.
In Stage II, our sessions will address primary attachment-related emotions and foster
communication and support between Selena and Jordan. I will strive to teach them strategies for
constructively expressing their needs, emotions, and vulnerabilities, reducing the likelihood of
their conflicts escalating into violence as they have in the past.
Stage III will focus on redefining the attachment dynamics to rebuild trust and a sense of
emotional and physical safety within the relationship. I will help Selena and Jordan develop an
attachment-based safety plan that includes a pledge of non-violence, identifying triggers for
violence escalation, and implementing "time-outs" during conflicts. The couple will also work on
improving their emotional regulation skills and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
Overall, our sessions will aim to help build skills and reduce instances of SCV, improve
their emotional connection and communication skills, and rebuild trust, warmth, and intimacy in
their marriage.
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References
Schneider, C., & Brimhall, A. S. (2013). From scared to repaired: Using an attachment‐based
perspective to understand situational couple violence. Journal of Marital and Family
Therapy, 40(3), 367–379. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12023
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