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Book Critique: The Gift of Sex
Jennifer R. Hendrix
School of Behavioral Science, Liberty University
CCOU 305: Issues in Human Sexuality
Professor Windle Weller
October 9, 2023
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Abstract
“The Gift of Sex,” is a book written by Clifford and Joyce Penner. It is a book that is intended
for married couples, and it deals with the wide-ranging views, trepidations, and questions that
encompass sexuality and sex. This book, which is written by Christian therapists, speakers, and
authors, explores in-depth, the Biblical aspects of sex, including an uninhibited view of the
scriptural fundamentals of sex. Clifford and Joyce Penner have included learning tools, pictorial
illustrations, and additional exercises to enhance the reader's experience. My critique of this book
includes the main five sections of the book, and they are examined and reviewed. The sections
included are The Biblical Perspective, The Physical Dimension, The Total Experience, When Sex
Isn’t Working, and Enhancing the Sexual Experience. The message the Penners want to express
is that sex is important in marriage, and it is a healthy desire. They also emphasize that sex is
indeed a gift from God and that as such, it should be sought after in detail by couples. Penner’s
direct and upfront book operates as an example and model in which to enrich sexual pleasure as
well as address and provide answers to questions that are often not addressed or discussed. In
addition to the information and viewpoints given by Clifford and Joyce Penner, supplementary
academic sources have also been included.
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Introduction
After reading Penner’s book, “The Gift of Sex, I can honestly say that I have obtained a
greater discernment of the issues and perceptions that can often be linked with sexual intimacy in
a marriage, as well as the spirituality involved with sexuality and sex. This book is highly
recommended for those searching how to discern and navigate apprehensions and those who
have issues and concerns about healthy sexuality, as well as counselors and pastors. The Penners
are authors and educators, and they are extremely esteemed counselors who not only offer
remarkable information that can improve the sexual relationship between a husband and wife, it
also incorporate Biblical principles in an amazing way. In doing so, this book provides a level of
unmatched inspiration to Christians who may be wrestling with discovering exactly what God’s
desires are for our intimacy. Challenges in the bedroom are something that so many couples are
faced with, but the Penners offer honest and forthright instruction to help answer questions and
increase communication.
The Biblical Perspective
“Sexuality is part of God’s plan of creation. Our maleness and femaleness, our sexuality,
is not something added on or part of our sinful natures; it is part of the original perfect creation
of mankind. It’s in our bones. By implication, then, our sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but
rather something to enjoy.” (Penner & Penner 2003). In Genesis, it says: “So God created
man@in His@own@image; in the image of God, He created him;@male and female He created them.”
(Genesis 1:27, NKJV). Marriage is a covenant that is ordained by God, and it is for a man and
woman to engage in healthy sexual practices. However, regrettably, as Penner & Penner note,
social philosophy has affected how Christian’s view sex and they effectually been misled.
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“Our image, as it reflects God and as it relates to sexuality, includes two dimensions: our sexual
functioning and our functioning in our relationship as a couple. The first command given to
mankind was to “become one.” This is a sexual function. The second command involved
dominion and choice. These are relationship functions. As we move farther into this passage, the
freedom of choice includes the choice of obeying or disobeying God’s commands. Therefore,
being in the image of God includes higher levels of function than just animalistic sexuality.”
(Penner & Penner 2003). God’s design for marriage was a lawful bond and covenant between
woman and man. The Lord planned for intimacy between each other and no one else. Genesis
2:24 says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and@be[a]@joined to his wife, and
they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NKJV). This is a very intimate verse in nature. It
implies that of an everlasting union of two people fully. Bible scholars have often contended that
“one flesh” as a part of the verse in scripture, implies much more than just consummating a
marriage. Becoming “one flesh” means not only physically, but also psychologically, and
spiritually as well. To have a true, healthy sexual experience, couples have to be ready to take
responsibility, each one for their own, for individual gratification. The Gift of Sex says the best
way to achieve this is by incorporating the following:
1. Biblical Knowledge & Understanding
2. Psychological Knowledge & Acceptance
3. Physical Knowledge & Acknowledgement
When the abovementioned are fully applied, couples gain a greater understanding of sex.
(Penner & Penner, 2003). “Rejection of the biblical vision of sexuality has led in practice to a
rejection of the basic principles of the faith.” (West, 2020). As Christians, we need to be vigilant
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about gleaning true wisdom from God’s word, and also about being able to discuss openly
marital intimacy and sexuality, and all the issues involved.
The Physical Dimension-Body Image
In this book, The Gift of Sex, the Penners make body image a significant part of the
discussion, because it has a great effect on sexuality. Self-esteem is greatly affected by how we
as humans see ourselves. “Body image is the part of our self-image that deals with our attitudes
about our bodies, especially our bodily appearance.” (Penner & Penner, 2003). Dissatisfaction
with our view of our bodily appearance can include size differences in both women's and men’s
genitalia, as well as weight gain. The truth is that even if you aren’t disillusioned by your body,
there may come a time when you have to deal with an illness or an accident that delivers
permanent body damage. You must try and get to a place where you have a positive self-image,
otherwise, this will always be a problem area in your intimacy with your spouse. “Whether we
devalue ourselves because of our appearance or feel worthwhile only because of our appearance,
this kind of preoccupation with our bodies distorts our position as God’s creation.” (Penner &
Penner, 2003). How we see ourselves, is based on these three factors:
1. Sensory Experience - This includes both internal feelings and external input.
2. Verbal Feedback - the feedback we received from significant others as we were
growing up, the models with which we compared ourselves, the feedback we received
from significant others as we were growing up, and the models with which we
compared ourselves.
3. Comparison to Others - The models we choose to compare ourselves with are critical.
Cultures vary considerably as to what is defined as attractive. Most cultures have
ideal male and female body images.
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“When the way we would like to look is different from the way we think we do look, we
will have difficulty accepting ourselves and will probably have difficulty being free with our
bodies sexually.” (Penner & Penner, 2003).
Sharing Our Bodies
The Penners encourage you to engage freely in a natural discovery of your sexual
anatomy. The more familiar you are with your own and your spouse’s sexual anatomy and
feelings, the less guessing will be involved in the sexual act. This obviously leads to greater
confidence and freedom. (Penner & Penner, 2003).
How Our Bodies Work
Our sexual parts are a part of our body, and our bodies were created in the image of God.
“Our sex drive is triggered by hormones. Testosterone is the primary hormone responsible for
sex drive in both men and women. It gives us the energy to get things done in life and is also the
base for sexual desire, arousal, and release.” (Penner & Penner, 2003). “Take time to learn about
your own and each other’s bodies and about the type of touch you most enjoy. Openly
communicate about yourselves and your sexual experience.” (Penner & Penner, 2017).
Sexual Response
“The endocrine glands produce hormones (including sex hormones) that stimulate the
nerves to carry messages to the brain. The brain then sends messages back via the nervous
system to our muscular and vascular (blood vessel) systems. This process produces sexual
arousal and response. In turn, this response stimulates the glands to produce more hormones,
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which again send messages to the brain via the nerves, and thus the cycle tends to be self-
perpetuating.” (Penner & Penner, 2003). “The autonomic or involuntary nervous system has two
branches that affect sexual arousal: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the
parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). These function without our willing them or even being
conscious of them. They affect our bodies’ responses in exactly opposite ways. Thus, together
they can either increase or decrease the activity of our bodily organs. The PNS has an upbuilding
effect on the body. It is in action when we are relaxed and more passive. The SNS is our “fight or
flight,” that is, our energy system. It goes into action when we are anxious or intensely aroused
emotionally and has more to do with release than arousal.” (Penner & Penner, 2003).
The Total Experience
From the beginning of the book until now, the Penners have basically explained the
“biology” of sex, to give the readers a background that eases or prepares them for the passionate
topic of sexual pleasure. Couples must be diligent and proactive in working on the challenges of
sex. It is definitely a mindset to be able to give and receive pleasure from your partner. One
very important key component is communication. “Getting in tune with each other or meshing
each other’s worlds is a total-person process. It is becoming “one flesh” as the Hebrews saw it—
uniting spirits, emotions, and bodies.” (Penner & Penner, 2003).
Affirmation
“The need for affirmation depends both on the degree of physical release and on the
emotional need. This is true for both men and women.” (Penner & Penner, 2003). Affirmation is
needed by both men and women, even though most of the time after climax, the man often can
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go right to sleep, but the woman may lie awake needing additional stimulation, or needing the
man to hold and affirm her. “Emotionally, the need for affirmation varies with the degree of trust
in each other and security with one’s own response.” (Penner & Penner, 2003).
When Sex Isn’t Working
The following are some issues, defined by the book as “unconscious avoidance,” that are
potential reasons for sexual problems. These can include guilt, anger, lack of self-worth, and
sexual anxiety. “Since the sexual experience is so emotionally charged and so often
misrepresented in the media, many adults, even well-educated adults, reach the point of readiness
for sexual involvement with a dismal lack of knowledge regarding what is normal and natural.”
(Penner & Penner, 2003). “Finding ways to meet each other’s needs without making a demand
on the other is the crucial dimension in resolving differences.” (Penner & Penner, 2003). The
Bible speaks to this subject in Philippians, and these verses can be used as a guideline for this
very issue. “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests but also for the interests
of@others. +Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:4-5, NKJV).
Enhancing the Sexual Experience
The Penners believe unequivocally that all couples need to welcome God into the
bedroom, just the same as we need to have Him as a part of every other aspect of our lives. In
this book, the Penners encourage everyone to pray before as well as after a sexual event with
their partner. This not only brings us closer to God but also to each other. “God is in the bedroom
—whether you invite him there or not. God has made you the responsive person you are—
whether you acknowledge it or not. Your body is designed for pleasure—whether you let it
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experience pleasure or not. You begin to reach the point of enjoying all the pleasure for which
you are created if you recognize that God is with you—always.” (Penner & Penner, 2003).
Conclusion
There is plenty more in this book that could have been uncovered in this critique. That
being said, the Penners did a remarkable job at making this book so clear, heartfelt, and genuine.
They could not be more accurate in their assessment of religion in regard to sexual intimacy and
God’s design. Unfortunately, society has tarnished and tainted the marriage bed, and what God
intended and ordained for humanity. A true understanding of sexual freedom and intimacy can
be found in the pages of this book. This book should be at the top of the list for all adults;
married or single. “As you share yourselves openly you will be received with understanding and
warmth, knowing that you are not being judged. You can continue to blossom from that seed of
sexual freedom within you to the full sexual beauty that is there ready to be expressed.” (Penner
& Penner, 2003).
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References
Allender, & Longman, T. (2014). God loves sex: an honest conversation about sexual desire and
holiness. Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
Clark. (2019). Sex, purity, and the longings of a girl’s heart: discovering the beauty and freedom
of God-defined sexuality. Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
Driscoll, & Driscoll, G. (2012). Real marriage: the truth about sex, friendship & life together.
Thomas Nelson.
Kamitsuka. (2010). The embrace of eros: bodies, desires, and sexuality in Christianity. Fortress
Press.
New King James Version Bible (2020). NKJV Online https://biblegateway.com
Penner, & Penner, C. (2017). Enjoy!: The gift of sexual pleasure for women. Tyndale House
Publishers, Inc.
Penner, C., & Penner, J.J. (2003). The Gift of Sex. Harper Collins Christian.
https://libertyonline.vitalsource.com/books/9781418534899
Slattery. (2018). Rethinking: God’s design and why it matters (First Edition.). Multnomah.
West. (2020). Our bodies tell God’s story: discovering the divine plan for love, sex, and gender.
Brazos Press.
