1
Emotional Abuse
Angela J. Weaver
School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University
CCOU 304: Christian Counseling for Women
Dr. Kristin Kellen
June 23, 2023
2
Emotional Abuse
Introduction with Thesis Statement
There are many issues that women face in life, not the least being emotional abuse. It is
sometimes quite difficult to diagnose or even understand, for what constitutes emotional abuse?
How does one go about understanding and diagnosing it if one does not know how it shows up in
a person? Sometimes, emotional abuse will stem from someone who is in a position of power or
authority, such as a church leader or employer. Other times, it may come from a husband or
another family member. Additionally, it may come from friends or even children. The point being
that emotional abuse may come from many different places and it is important to be able to
recognize it. This paper will explore what emotional abuse looks like, what all it encompasses,
the dangers of it, a biblical response to emotional abuse, counseling helps and techniques, as well
as ways to find healing from emotional abuse.
Relevant Information about Emotional Abuse
Probably one of the hardest types of abuse to recognize and diagnose is emotional abuse.
Granted, any type of abuse is hard to talk about, for fear of the abuser. Particularly though, is
emotional abuse. Why? There is actually very little research as to how to recognize it, what to do
about it, and how to stop it. Essentially, emotional abuse can be broken down into four different
categories, which are denigration, personal degradation, public degradation, and verbal
aggression (Francis & Pearson, 2019). Emotional abuse is oftentimes found in romantic
relationships, and because of that, oftentimes goes undiagnosed. It can look like or sound like an
expression of love or even humor and may not even sound offensive when the abuse occurs
(Francis & Pearson, 2019). Emotional harm can cause reduced confidence, feelings of
helplessness, self-doubt, humiliation, and guilt (Francis & Pearson, 2019). Obviously for abuse,
3
any type, or neglect, there must be someone or something causing the abuse and neglect
(Hayashi, 2022). This implies that there is some action happening, or lack thereof, that is causing
the abuse or neglect. There are eight conceptual components that the definition of abuse and
neglect encapsulate, and they are these: abuser characteristics, abusive behavior, frequency,
intention, consequences, interaction, child age, and other child’s characteristics (Hayashi, 2022).
While these refer to what to look for in a child’s life that may be abuse, these can also apply to
women and how they are emotionally abused. One of the scariest things about emotional abuse is
that it has the potential to lead to suicide (Cepuch, et al., 2022). While this is not nearly always
the case, the potential is definitely there, because it obviously affects a person confidence and
self-esteem, both of which are key factors in suicide. “Emotional abuse is the most common and
the most subtle type of maltreatment” (Cepuch, et al., 2022). Emotional abuse can show up in
several ways, such as a repulsive or hostile attitude, permanent criticism, manifestation of anger,
and other emotional responses to people (Cepuch, et al., 2022).
In a study done by Karakurt & Silver (2013), they reported that emotional abuse in
women was around 80%. In another study, it said that every fifth woman actually suffers from
some kind of abuse, not necessarily emotional abuse, but this is abuse in general (Sørbø, et al.,
2013). Additionally, a study found that about half of Americans reported that they had
experienced a lifetime of emotional abuse by a partner (Karakurt & Silver, 2013). In addition to
these statistics, women experienced the highest rates of isolation, which is a tactic used to
undermine the victim’s identity outside of the abusive relationship (Karakurt & Silver, 2013).
This then makes the victim think that they need to depend on the abuser, which is exactly what
the abuser wants them to think. These statistics are astounding. For counselors, it is especially
necessary to be able to recognize emotional abuse and be able to help a counselee through the
4
situation that they may be in. In comes this idea of empathy and compassion as counselors walk
through hard circumstances with their clients. The effects of emotional abuse may even be more
detrimental than the effects of physical abuse. Again, emotional abuse is not something to be
toyed with or to mess around with as a counselor. It needs to be addressed and taken care of, as
well as victims’ words believed.
How do the effects of emotional abuse show up in people’s lives? In order for a counselor
to understand their clients better, it is imperative that they learn to recognize the signs. Emotional
abuse falls in the category of psychological maltreatment and those who have experienced that
may experience behavioral problems, which may include anti-social behaviors, alcohol use,
smoking, suicidal tendencies, and, among others, eating problems (Arslan, 2016). Additionally,
according to Arslan (2016), they may have lower resilience and self-esteem, with it being a
significant risk. It can show up later on in life for adults who have been abused in the form of
depression. Adults that were diagnosed with major depression were more likely to have a history
with emotional abuse and neglect compared to adults who were healthy (Shapero, et al., 2013).
These are very real symptoms and ones that need to be taken seriously as a counselor. As was
mentioned before, it is important to recognize these symptoms as the potential to be emotional
abuse and to believe the victim when they say something about it.
Biblical Response to Emotional Abuse
What does the Bible have to say about emotional abuse? While the Bible does not
specifically mention emotional abuse in those specific terms, it does talk about power, about
treating people with kindness and respect, and always showing love to those who are hurting or
have experienced hard times. What counselors cannot do is offer condemnation to those who
have been emotionally abused. What counselors cannot do is judge those who may have been
5
emotionally abused. Every person is created in the image of God and counselors must remember
that as they counsel. Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who
are in Christ Jesus” (English Standard Version Bible, 2001). Again, counselors do not offer
condemnation. Instead, they should be offering love, support, and respect. Ephesians 4:32 says,
“Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”
(English Standard Version Bible, 2001). It may be that a counselor has difficulty understanding
the counselee or may be struggling to know what to say to the person. The Bible talks about the
words that we say and how those words can have such an impact on people. Ephesians 4:29 says,
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only as is good for building up, as fits the
occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (English Standard Version Bible, 2001).
Timothy Pasma, board member for the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors and pastor,
says that, while the Bible does not specifically mention emotional abuse, what it does mention is
control (Lambert, 2017). This is what emotional abuse boils down to: power and control.
Proverbs 22:10 says, “Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will
cease” (English Standard Version Bible, 2001). This seems to be indicative of how that, if words
are said that are hurtful that may cause emotional abuse, if the scoffer, the one who says the
abusive words stops saying those abusive words, then the abuse will not happen anymore.
Romans 14:19 says, “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding”
(English Standard Version Bible, 2001). Again, continuing the theme of carefully using words
and that the words one says matter very much.
What does this look like in a counseling session when someone comes in as says that they
have been emotionally abused? It begins by affirming their feelings and making sure that they
are safe. It begins by believing them and acknowledging the hurt and pain that someone has
6
caused them. A 2013 study found that there has been a growing number of religious counseling
centers that have opened but was yet to be determined if they were effective in gaining access to
care and whether or not they brought about positive change (Bryant-Davis & Wong, 2013).
However, they also say that, “Identifying religious and spiritual cognitions, beliefs, and
behaviors that are adaptive could provide another fruitful avenue to yield positive treatment
outcomes” (Bryant-Davis & Wong, 2013). This is not to say that counselors should force their
religion on their counselees. This is only saying that perhaps incorporating spiritual and religious
ideas, in a healthy way, into counseling sessions can bring about healing and forgiveness in a
counselee’s life. It is also important to make sure the counselee is ok with the counselor using a
biblical perspective rather than launching into it without their full consent. Perhaps the person
has been emotionally abused by someone religious or part of a faith community and may be
triggered by bringing a biblical perspective into the counseling session. So again, make sure that
the counselee has giving their full consent. It is hard to forgive when someone has done
something to hurt someone else, and none more hurtful when a person abuses with their words.
Romans 12:17-21 says, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in
the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never
avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will
repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give
him something to drink; for by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be
overcome by evil but overcome evil with good” (English Standard Version Bible, 2001). While
this is hard to put into practice, it is essential one “overcomes evil with good.” This is not to say
that one forgets about the hurt or pain that someone has caused them. There is no such thing as
“forgiving and forgetting.” It is important to acknowledge the hurt that someone has caused to
7
someone else. The forgiveness is for the other person, yes. But oftentimes, the forgiveness is for
the person who has been hurt as well, for them to truly find healing. There is no specific timeline
for finding healing and forgiveness from emotional abuse. It will happen in its own time and that
is imperative for the counselor to understand as they walk through the pain and hurt of emotional
abuse.
Counseling Helps and Techniques
So, how do counselors help those who have been emotionally abused and what
techniques may be used to help those people? It is oftentimes hard to determine what is
considered emotional abuse. There is not really a “test” that one can take to determine if they
have been emotionally abused. Part of the reason for this is because it is not “describe a special
type of behavior but covers a variety of behaviors” (Momtaz, et al., 2022). The American
Professional Society on the Abuse of Children have used different terminology and different
categories for emotional abuse, such as aggressive rejection, degradation, isolating, corrupting
and exploiting, and, among other terms, spurning (Momtaz, et al., 2022). Depending on the
person who is experiencing emotional abuse, this can result in different outcomes. So, Momtaz et
al., (2022) developed a questionnaire to assess whether or not a child or adolescent has been
emotionally abused. Different steps were taken to use this questionnaire, with the first
considering all the categories of emotional abuse, which are: “(1) emotional neglect,
unavailability, and unresponsiveness, (2) hostile, denigrating, rejecting, or blaming interaction
toward the child, (3) developmental overexpectation and inappropriate or inconsistent
expectation from the child, unstable discipline, and conflicting and confusing interaction with the
child, (4) use of the child for caregivers’ needs, terrorizing, exploiting, and emotional black
points (i.e., forcing the child to follow orders by exploiting their weaknesses or revealing their
8
secrets), and (5) isolating or prohibiting the child form having adequate interactions with peers
by overcontrol” (Momtaz, et al., 2022) While these categories refer specifically to children, they
can be used similarly with adolescents and adults as well. Questions were then added to the
questionnaire using these categories and these questions assessed verbal abuse, emotional
rejection, overcontrol, unstable control, lack of control, isolating, overexpectation, and
terrorizing (Momtaz, et al., 2022). The results of this study and this questionnaire were that
emotional abuse covers a wide range of abusive behaviors, which makes it difficult to assess
properly. However, it did also help to prepare a scale with which to better help to identify and
“test” for emotional abuse, if you will (Momtaz, et al., 2022). While this questionnaire is not a
fix all or a way to “diagnose” someone who is experiencing emotional abuse, it may help with
that diagnosis.
So many research articles focused on emotional abuse are geared towards children and
who children are affected by emotional abuse. While children are not capable of holding as much
information in their head or are affected by trauma differently than adults, this research can still
apply to adults as well. A review was done by Ness (2022) to determine how counselors can
define emotional abuse, but how it can be treated then as well. Emotional abuse can cause
“severe and persistent adverse effects on the child’s emotional development…and that it is acts
that one intentionally commits to cause emotional and verbal abuse, confinement, and other
types of abuse that deprive the child of food and shelter” (Ness, 2022). To reiterate, while this is
discussing children and how emotional abuse affects them, this can still be applied to adults as
well. This would also indicate that it can have more than just an emotional effect on a person, but
also a physical effect as well. For this particular research, the researchers used self-reports and
had questions on it, such as: “when I was growing up, people in my family called me things like
9
stupid, ugly or lazy, people in my family said hurtful things to me, have any or your parents
threatened to hurt you badly?” (Ness, 2022). In this scoping review, the results provided a good
comprehensive study on describing emotional abuse and a way in which emotional abuse can be
measured in people.
Conclusion
Defining emotional abuse is very difficult. It is a very broad term and encompasses a lot
of different things. It obviously causes emotional damage to people, but it can also cause
physical damage as well. Counselors, specifically Christian counselors, have the unique
opportunity to use a biblically based approach to helping those who have been emotionally
abused and can continue to walk alongside the counselee as they navigate the hurt and pain that
have experienced. It takes an exorbitant amount of bravery for counselees to just show up in a
counselor’s office and talk openly about the things that they are facing. Counselors should not
take that lightly and should gently, prayerfully, and respectfully care for all counselees who may
walk through the doors of their office.
10
References
Arslan, G. (2016). Psychological maltreatment, emotional and behavioral problems in
adolescents: The mediating role of resilience and self-esteem. Child Abuse &
Neglect, 52, 200-209. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2015.09.010
Bryant-Davis, & Wong, E. C. (2013). Faith to move mountains: Religious coping, spirituality,
and interpersonal trauma recovery. American Psychologist., 68(8), 675–684.
https://doi.org/10.1037/a0034380
Cepuch, G., Liber, P., & Kruszecka-Krówka, A. (2022). “Child maltreatment” – sexual,
physical, and emotional abuse and neglect as potential predictors of suicidal behaviour
among adolescents – an acute problem in Poland. Medical Studies/Studia Medyczne,
38(1), 74-79. https://doi.org/10.5114/ms.2022.115150
Francis, L., & Pearson, D. (2021). The Recognition of Emotional Abuse: Adolescents’
Responses to Warning Signs in Romantic Relationships. Journal of Interpersonal
Violence, 36(17–18), 8289–8313. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260519850537
Hayashi, M. Child psychological/emotional abuse and neglect: A definitional conceptual
framework. Journ Child Adol Trauma 15, 999–1010 (2022).
https://doi.org/10.1007/s40653-022-00448-3
Heath Lambert is the Senior Pastor at First Baptist Church, & Tim Pasma has ministered at
LaRue Baptist Church. (n.d.). Emotional abuse. Association of Certified Biblical
Counselors. https://biblicalcounseling.com/resource-library/podcast-episodes/til-123-
emotional-abuse-feat-timothy-pasma/
11
Karakurt, G., & Silver, K. E., B.A. (2013). Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships: The Role
of Gender and Age. Violence and Victims, 28(5), 804-21. https://doi.org/10.1891/0886-
6708.VV-D-12-00041
Momtaz, Vahid et al. “Emotional Abuse Questionnaire (EAQ): A New Scale for Measuring
Emotional Abuse and Psychological Maltreatment 1.” Japanese psychological
research. 64.1 (2022): 1–11. Web.
Ness, S. (2023). A narrow focus in research on emotional abuse: A scoping review of definitions
and descriptions on emotional abuse in research on child welfare and social work. Child
& Family Social Work, 28(2), 572-588. https://doi.org/10.1111/cfs.12967
Shapero, Black, S. K., Liu, R. T., Klugman, J., Bender, R. E., Abramson, L. Y., & Alloy, L. B.
(2014). Stressful Life Events and Depression Symptoms: The Effect of Childhood
Emotional Abuse on Stress Reactivity. Journal of Clinical Psychology., 70(3), 209–223.
https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22011
Sørbø MF, Grimstad H, Bjørngaard JH, Schei B, Lukasse M. Prevalence of sexual, physical and
emotional abuse in the Norwegian mother and child cohort study. BMC Public Health.
2013 Mar 2;13:186. doi: 10.1186/1471-2458-13-186. PMID: 23452504; PMCID:
PMC3599849
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, 2001
