Christian Counseling Promotes the Wives’ Roles
Stacia Brianna McMillan
Liberty University
Running head: CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 1
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 2
Abstract
God created women for a purpose and that purpose includes many roles. Women have great
expectations when they step into the role of a wife. God has expectations and a perfect design for
marriage. Research shows that Christian counseling promotes what the Bible says about a wife’s
role and supports women’s mental health so that they can better understand and know God’s
purpose for them as wives. Garzon and Hall (2012) stated how “psychology and counseling now
acknowledge the importance of spirituality as a dimension of culturally sensitive treatment” (p.
158). Christian counseling enables couples to access the tools and resources they need to
communicate effectively and understand God’s purpose for their marriage. Christian counseling
does not only benefit Christians but also can benefit nonbelievers as well. Garzon et al. (2009)
suggested that lay counseling as several positive aspects to both Christians and nonbelievers. The
findings of this study show the effectiveness of integrating Christian counseling with traditional
counseling to promote mental and spiritual health.
Keywords: Christian counseling, mental health, spiritual health, purpose, communication
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 3
Christian Counseling Promotes the Wives’ Roles
The role of a wife can be overwhelming at times. Christian counseling promotes
knowledge of God’s purpose and design for such a role can help women better understand their
purpose as wives, how they ought to care for their husband, and how wives communicates with
their husbands. Christian counseling supports what scripture has to say about marriage and
values wives’ roles. The intent of this research is to promote Christian counseling for women and
their roles as wives through investigating professional counseling theories and biblical aspects
using the Holy Bible (New International Version). Garzon and Hall (2012) understood that
psychology is able to reach a larger cliental because “psychology and counseling now
acknowledge the importance of spirituality as a dimension of culturally sensitive treatment” (p.
158).
A Wife’s Role
God’s Purpose and Design for the Wife’s Role
In both ancient times and today, the misconception that women are objects can be seen.
God’s design and creation doesn’t seem to support this theory, and neither does how Christ
treated women when He walked the Earth. In chapter 5 of A Woman and Her God, David Hager
references the women Jesus witnessed to and cared for, such as the woman at the well, the
adulteress, and the woman who touched His cloak for healing. These were just a few examples of
how Jesus responded to and loved women. Not only did He care for these women but these
women also went on to be a huge testimony of His greatness. There are many huge roles a
woman can fulfill in her lifetime, but the role of a wife may be the greatest role of all.
Christian counselors seek to understand God’s purpose and design for their client’s
wellbeing. To understand God’s purpose and design for the wife’s role within a marriage,
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 4
counselors should turn to scripture for support. First, it is important for a client to know their
identity. Genesis 1:27 clarifies that both men and women are created in His own image. Genesis
Chapter 2 tells how God created the first woman from Adams rib. To be clear, God created
woman from mans side rib closest to his heart. This is powerful because God’s shows a lot of His
purpose for women in that they were created from mans side to be by his side. Not behind man
or in front, but by his side and close to his heart.
Genesis 2:18 gives more clarification in knowing God’s reason in the creation of women,
saying, “The LORD God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him” (NIV). A woman’s role begins and she is given purpose to be a suitable helper.
Genesis 2:24 continues to give God’s instructions for men to leave their parents to be by his
wife’s side and become one in flesh. Genesis provides God’s design for women’s role as wives
for the purpose that women were created to be by man’s side to help him and become one with
him.
A Wife is to Care for Her Husband
There are many roles a woman takes on through life, such as the role of a daughter,
friend, mother, or wife, but it important to know that “we were created to be in an eternally
secure love relationship with God” (Wilson, 2004, p. 49). When the relationship with God is
well, the relationship between a wife and husband tends to follow His lead.
What does a suitable helper entail? Ephesians 5:21-33 gives instructions for a Christian
household. Wives are told to “submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord”
(Ephesians 5:22, NIV). Husbands are instructed to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NIV). The perfect example for a marriage
is Jesus Christ and the way He loved and cared for the church. The example given in Ephesians 5
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 5
is of Christ as the head of the church and of the husband as the head of his household. This is
where wives will have to show faith in being obedient to God’s word as He will intervene and
hold her husband accountable as the head of the household.
Her first and foremost duty is to be by her husband’s side as his helper. She will have to
come to terms with and understand that this doesn’t make her powerless, but powerful. Proverbs
14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers
down” (NIV). A marriage must recognize God as authority. According to Judith and Jack
Balswick (2014), a “biblical marriage includes dual submission to the lordship of Jesus Christ
and to each other” (p. 94). In order for a Christian household to operate effectively, it takes a
God-centered marriage where a woman submits to her husband and he loves her fiercely.
Communication is Key
Communication, as always, is the key to a healthy relationship. Scripture is a huge part of
how God communicates. Penner and Penner (2003) convey, “communication continues to be the
essential way to arrive at a congenial conclusion” (p. 215). Communication is the art of being
able to deliver a clear and precise message. It requires wisdom that can also be found in
scripture. James 3:17 talks about wisdom, saying, “wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all
pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and
sincere” (NIV). Once again the word “submissive” can be seen as an act that shows wisdom.
Proverbs 3:13-14 also recognizes the value of wisdom, saying, “Blessed are those who find
wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better
returns than gold” (NIV). This scripture also pertains to Proverbs 14:1 that was shared earlier in
that a wise woman builds her house up. A wife must know that her role is so important that she
has the power to build her house or to be the reason it tears down.
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 6
Scripture communicates God’s desire, design, and role for how a wife is to be not only as
an individual but also as one with her husband. She must have wisdom in how she communicates
love to her husband. It is her design and nature to love him and to be loved by him. In order for a
marriage to love and receive love, a couple must communicate their strengths and weaknesses
with one another and God. Garzon et al. (2009) shared that one of the approaches to lay Christian
counseling is active listening. Garzon et al. (2009) included Stephen Ministries active listening
approach and the “empathy, positive regard, and basic listening skills with resources such as
prayer and Scriptures” as a way to counsel and help those who are hurting (p.114). The active
listening approach needs to be implicated with how husbands and wives communicate with one
another.
Why Christian Counseling?
Entwistle (2010) describes how psychology and theology each form their individual
ideas, theories, and conclusions over comparable subjects, but each field shares the same interest
in human nature. Clinton and Ohlschlager (2002) describe the Christian counseling as an
“emerging profession” where the subjects can unite and better assist clients with biblical truth
and psychology. Psychology can only explain what’s natural, but God explains the supernatural.
When such forces combine, there becomes a greater understanding for both the natural and
supernatural. A person is able to use Christian counseling to promote mental health and spiritual
health.
It is absolutely essential for those seeking marital advice to consider a Christian
counselor because it is vital for them to understand not only the commitment they have made to
their spouse but also the covenant they have made with God. Poling (2005) understands the
importance of a covenant, saying, “pastoral counseling is a specialized form of this invitation in
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 7
which long-term covenants are formed for spiritual direction and deep inner healing” (p. 27). In
Christian counseling, the counselor is not only focused on one’s mental health but also their
spiritual health and relationship with God. Clinton and Ohlschlager (2002) are an example of
this type of counseling in saying, “As Christian counselors, we realize that our referrals and our
livelihood come from the Lord” (p. 691). If the counselor’s heart is first the Lord’s, then their
practice will reflect their Christianity and they will give wise council. Scripture supports this
theory in Proverbs 19:20-21:
Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among
the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that
prevails. (NIV)
Bannister et al. (2015) stresses the importance of self-determination in a clients’ desire
for integration of spirituality and mental health services. Bannister et al. (2015) explains that
self-determination is a fundamental part of the clients’ expectations in marital counseling.
Christian counseling is also appropriate for people who don’t practice Christianity. The Christian
counseling core beliefs promote mental health through ethics and psychological research. Hook
(2009) stated, “A couple who seeks counseling from a Christian professional counselor may be
more likely to encounter treatments and techniques whose care methods have been supported by
research, such as behavioral or cognitive-behavioral techniques” (p. 181). Christian counseling
values scripture and promotes Biblical truth; however, the goal at hand is that understanding the
science of psychology is part of God’s creation and should be used to help those in need. Taibbi
(2009) shares the goal of counseling, “You want to help them think bigger—to define what they
would ideally like to be different in their relationship and in themselves” (p. 15). Horton (2009)
refers to the bull’s-eye approach. Horton (2009) describes the bull’s eye approach as a theory
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 8
“that God has a perfect detailed plan for all individuals and seeks to reveal that plan to them” (p.
8). This is a great approach for Christian counselors to open with and to direct clients towards
who are first seeking God’s will for their lives.
Clinton and Sibcy (2006) share indicators of when a marriage is disconnected and feeling
impossible and thus might need counseling. They describe that “marriages have seasons, times
when connection is easy and times when it seems impossible” (Clinton & Sibcy, 2006, p. 194).
In such times, counseling can help reconnect couples, but first they must understand each other
as individuals. Once again, communication is the key factor, because the client must
communicate his or her thoughts not only with the counselor but to learn to communicate
effectively with their spouse as well. The Balswicks (2014) describes this process as “when one
talks, the other listens” (p. 95). Christian counseling is a safe place where the counselor can
demonstrate active listening skills and provide their clients with tools to do the same.
Christian counseling not only promotes mental health but is a way for clients to
reevaluate where they are in life and where they may want to make corrections. Though there are
several aspects to and specialized fields in counseling, the focus of this research is specifically
the benefit to a wife’s role. Christian counseling provides professionalism and valuable resources
for a wife to better understand God’s purpose and design for her role as a Christian woman. Once
a wife understands her purpose as a wife, how she ought to care for and communicate with her
husband, she can then master her role and live a life full of purpose. Sullivan and Karney (2008)
discovered that by implicating religious aspects to marital therapy has shown that it can improve
and strengthen marriages.
Conclusion
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 9
The research acknowledges that the role of a wife can at times be overwhelming. This
research promotes Christian counseling as a way for women to know their role as wives through
God’s purpose and design and how they ought to care for and communicate with their husbands.
Christian counseling uses Biblical truth and academic research to help promote mental and
spiritual health. Not only does Christian counseling benefit Christians but Garzon et al. (2009)
mentions the positive aspects for those who can not afford professional therapy and those who
may not seek help otherwise. In the article Atheism and Christian Counseling in the Czech
Culture, Pavel Raus (2014) shares how atheism marriages in the Czech culture benefited from
Christian counseling by stating:
Christian counseling within atheistic context can build on dignity, which the
Christian faith gives to every person. To treat people with respect as created in the
image of God is one of the primary tasks. It has a healing and affirming effect and
it communicates God's love tangibly.
Marriage is built on Biblical principals that support love and respect for one another. The
concept of love and respect is one both Christians and nonbelievers can agree can only help
benefit marriages. Scripture offers a way to apprehend God’s design for a marriage and to
develop a relationship with Him. Communication remains key in healthy relationships.
Communication, through Christ, has promoted psychological health within a marital relationship.
CHRISTIAN COUNSELING PROMOTES WIVES’ ROLES 10
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