Running head: WHY WOMEN STAY 1
Why Women Stay: The Battered Woman Syndrome
Pamela A. Long
Liberty University
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 2
Abstract
This research paper will discuss why do women stay in an abusive relationship. Women who are
being abused by their spouses are now being recognized in the united states and defined as The
Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS). In defining and recognizing BWS, it has also been
recognized by legislation. There is much to be learned as to why women feel that they are
obligated to stay with their abuser. Some women feel as though they can help their spouse
change. On the other hand, some women feel that they are responsible for the reactions of their
spouse. In addition to the thoughts and the mindset that the abused woman feels, there are stages
that she endures. Upon going through the stages that the abused woman has endured by her
abuser, she often falls into a stage of “learned helplessness”. As a result of this stage, sadly the
woman is convinced that she must be doing something to trigger the abuser. She acts in her
learned helplessness, and the woman forgives the abuser and the cycles starts again.
Keywords: Battered women, staying in an abusive relationship
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 3
Why Women Stay: The Battered Woman Syndrome
He writes her love letters. He sends flowers and candy to her. He tells her how beautiful
she is. Not to mention the countless romantic dinners. He does and says all the right things to
her. The woman feels that he is the best thing that has happened to her and she falls in love with
him. Finally, he pops the big question, “will you marry me?” With tears flowing down her face
and her heart is filled with joy she says “yes!” The wedding takes place and the marriage has
begun. The woman believes deep in her heart that falling in love with this man and marrying
him was one of the most important life events that could have happened to her, only to find out
the opposite. In this relationship there is “physical abuse and violence: beating, hitting, hair
pulling, slapping, and choking”[Hun16]. As a result of the physical abuse, the women now feels
trapped. She is torn between staying because she loves him and leaving because she is not safe
and her life is in danger. “The term ‘battered woman syndrome’ was coined by psychologist and
prominent feminist academic, Lenore Walker, to denote a set of distinct psychological and
behavioral symptoms that result from prolonged exposure to situations of intimate partner
violence” [Cra03]. Some women chose to stay with their abuser for long periods of time and
they will not break up with their abusers. Even though breaking up with their abuser is the
logical option, there are reasons why women feel that they should stay with their abusers.
The Battered Woman Syndrome Definitions
In defining the term Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS), it is important to know that
“Wife battering has gained recognition throughout the Western world as a widespread social
problem, yet little is known about what it feels like to be battered by someone you love” [Kat83].
Douglas (1987) defined the battered woman syndrome as "a collection of specific characteristics
and effects of abuse on the battered woman" (p. 40), and subdivided it into three major
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 4
categories: the traumatic effects of victimization by violence, learned helplessness deficits
resulting from the violence and others' reactions to it, and self-destructive coping responses to
the violence”. Mosley Medical Dictionary (2009) defines BWS as “repeated episodes of
physical assault on a woman by the person with whom she lives or with whom she has a
relationship, often resulting in serious physical and psychological damage to the woman”
[Dic16]. In addition, Dutton (1992) states that:
The definition emphasized "learned helplessness," a theory originally developed to
explain why some animals fail to protect themselves in certain situations.' The theory was
reformulated in terms of human depression, and was eventually applied to victimization.
By incorporating the theory of learned helplessness, expert testimony concerning battered
women can better explain why some battered women do not perceive that they have
certain options available to protect themselves, and may thus help to explain why they do
not exercise those options. [Dut92]
In 1980, the American Psychiatric Association (AMA) has taken several revisits into adding the
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSA) classification to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Disorders III (DSM-III) due to the fact that the DSM-IV, the clinician’s medical bible,
does not recognize battered women's syndrome as a different mental illness or disorder.
“Battered Woman Syndrome increasingly came to be associated by its pioneer and others with
PTSD. Although it is not listed in the diagnostic manual for psychological disorders, the DSM-
IV, recent empirical research supports the correlation between characteristics of battered women
and PTSD victims”[Str10]. “Early stages of expert testimony concerning battered women's
experiences focused heavily on the cognitive perceptions that followed directly from their actual
experiences with domestic violence. More recently, the term "battered woman syndrome" has
been used to refer to a particular subset of psychological reactions to violence: PostTraumatic
Stress Disorder ("PTSD")” [Dut92]. In other words, BWS is a condition that is similar to PTSD.
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 5
The woman feels for some reason that she just cannot leave her abused partner. Even though she
may have the freedom and the choice to leave, she remains in the abusive relationship.
Statistical Facts about The Battered Woman Syndrome
BWS has been recognized as a major issue in society today. According to the Health
Research Funding.org (2015), statistics show that:
“1 in 4 women will be a victim of battered woman syndrome in their lifetime”.
“Women between the ages of 20 and 24 are the most likely to being victims of battered woman
syndrome”.
“Women are far more likely to be killed by their abusive partner than men”.
“1 in 3 women who are victims of homicide were murdered by their abusive partner”.
“1 woman is beaten by their partner approximately every 15 seconds in the United States alone”.
“85% of victims of domestic violence are women”.
“25% to 45% of women with battered woman syndrome were abused while they were
pregnant”.
“There are over $2.2 million worth of medical injuries due to battered woman syndrome on an
annual basis” [Hea16].
It is important for one to recognize and understand the seriousness of this disorder. One must
take the necessary steps for her safety and her future.
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 6
Symptoms and Stages of BWS
Women who are experiencing the BWS, there are four psychological stages that the
abused woman go through. In the first stage, “the denial stage”, the victim will deny that
anything is happening and they will not admit that there is anything going on. In addition, “The
woman refuses to admit--even to herself--that she has been beaten or that there is a "problem" in
her marriage. She may call each incident an "accident". She offers excuses for her husband's
violence and each time firmly believes it will never happen again” [Syn16]. Also in this stage
the abused will not even acknowledge that she is being violently beaten. The abused woman will
even deny that there are any problems with the relationship that she is having with the abuser.
The next stage after the abuser goes through the denial stage is called “the guilt stage”. In this
stage, the victim will start to experience feelings of guilt and shame. The abused women will
start saying phrases like “I caused this to happen”. As a result of the abuser feeling guilty, she
starts to developing self-esteem issues because the abuser makes negative comments to her as if
she is the one to blame for him violating her. “She now acknowledges there is a problem, but
considers herself responsible for it. She "deserves" to be beaten, she feels, because she has
defects in her character and is not living up to her husband's expectations” [Syn16]. In the first
two psychological stages that the abused woman goes through, she also falls into a stage that is
also called “Learned Helplessness” (LH). “Learned helplessness (LH) may mediate the link
between violence exposure and mental disorders in battered women” [Bar07]. In LH, the
abused women start to feel that she is doing something to cause the abuse. Even though she feels
like she is the cause of her abuse, she wonders why her abuser is continuing to abuse her. As a
result of her LH, the abuse continues. The next stage is called “the enlightment stage”. This
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 7
stage is very important. In this stage, the woman feels and believes that there is hope for the
abused spouse. In this stage the woman recognize that her spouse is abusive but, the woman
feels that she can help the abuser. Also, “The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her
husband's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one "deserves" to be beaten. She is still
committed to her marriage, though, and stays with her husband, hoping they can work things
out” [Syn16]. The last stage is “the responsibility stage. In this stage the woman starts to realize
that she is not the blame for the violent acts that she has encountered. She has come to the
conclusion that her spouse has a problem. At this stage it is vital that the abused spouse starts to
seek out for help for the safety of her and her home if there are children involved. In this stage,
it is vital for the woman to work a plan of safety for herself. In addition, she is “Accepting the
fact that her husband will not, or cannot, stop his violent behavior, the battered woman decides
she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life” [Syn16]. In addition to the four
psychological stages, The Cycle Theory of Violence, spoken by Lenore Walker (1980) shows the
three stages that women endure in BWS. The first cycle is called the “Agitated/ Tension” stage.
This stage is the beginning of the abuse. In this stage, there is a lot of tension and anxiety. The
abuser becomes very threating by becoming jealous and suspicious. Also, the abuser starts to
make belittling comments, aiming to destroy the self-esteem that the woman may have.
Furthermore, the spouse in this stage is not supportive to the spouse, he begins to withdraw from
her mentally and physically. Not to mention he is withdrawing from the family structure if there
is one. Last but not least, any small problem that is happening in the relationship starts to build
and the “Acute/Violent” stage starts to take place. In the acute/violent stage, the abuse has taken
full effect. It is displayed by acts of pushing, slapping, punching, kicking, and choking. Also in
this stage, the violent abuse can last for days, and even last for years. Because of the severity of
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 8
this cycle, this is when the Police, the family, and the community are involved, and most likely,
legal proceedings starts to take place. The third and final stage is called the
“Apologetic/Honeymoon” stage. In this stage, the abuser is very apologetic. The abuser is being
loving and saying the right things to his abused wife. The abuser makes false statements to the
wife such as “I will not do this again” or “I do not want to mess our relationship up”. Sadly to
say, when the abuser is in this stage, the spouse believes that there is hope. As a result of the
abuser being in the apologetic/honeymoon stage, the spouse accepts him back, if there were any
legal proceedings, the spouse will stop them, and the cycles begins again. “A wife should never
feel she is the “cause” of her husband’s abuse. He is solely responsible for his behavior and
treatment of her, but they both bring certain emotional deficiencies into the marriage, which
create an unhealthy dynamic of relating” [Hun16].
Why Do Women Stay
Why do women continue stay in abusive relationships? There are several reasons
why the abused woman feels like she needs to stay with her abused partner. “women in violent
romantic relationships focus on the positive interpersonal aspects (i.e., love for their partner) of
the relationship instead of the negative (i.e., abuse from their partner) in order to cope with their
relationship” [Dar13]. Because the woman loves her spouse, she feels that love alone is enough
reason for her to remain in the relationship, even though he is performing violent acts with her,
she loves him enough to remain with him. In addition, the love that she has for him, she feels as
though the relationship is not that bad. As previously stated, the woman may choose to remain in
the relationship because of her love for her spouse, she may feel that she has done something to
cause her spouse to become upset and act in the manner that he has acted. Another factor that
may contribute to why the woman stays in the abusive relationship is because of the family
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 9
structure. The woman does not want to break up the family. The woman feels trapped because
she has children by the abuser that she has to make things work for the family. Similarly, the
woman may feel that she needs to stay because the abuser will either harm the children or kidnap
the children. The woman may feel obligated by thinking that the children need their father or the
children will blame her for the family not staying together. Moreover, the abused woman may
feel that she is not financially able to make it on her own. She feels and believes that she has to
rely upon her spouse’s income to be able to meet the needs for her and her family. Likewise, the
woman may feel she needs to stay because she does not have a job. The abuser would not allow
her to work outside the home. The abused woman also may stay with the abused husband
because of her history of abuse in her life. The abuse life is all that she has seen. The woman
may have seen as a child her mother going though abuse by her father, or the woman may have
been abused as a child. The woman may feel that this is how a family structure should be since
she has not been exposed to a healthy family environment. Other reasons why women stay with
their abused partner is because of their culture or religious beliefs. Some countries see women as
“an object” to men. The men have the authority and therefore rules the home. So for the woman
to leave her abusive spouse, this would bring embarrassment and shame upon the family. On the
other hand, a lot of women get stuck in abusive relationships because of the biblical
misunderstandings of man being the head of house hold, or the understanding of biblical
submission. There are several scriptures that support the man as head of household and the
woman submitting to her husband such as Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Timothy 2:11-15, and 1
Corinthians 11:3. To bring clarity to this topic, God does not like abuse. Psalm 11:5 (KJV)
states, “The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul
hateth.” God also brings judgment on those who are abusive. Genesis 6:13 (KJV) says “And
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 10
God said unto Noah, the end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence
through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth”. Last but not least, some women
chose to stay in an abusive relationship because she is simply afraid. The woman feels that she
will not have a life outside of the abused spouse if she leaves him. She will also be afraid to
leave him because of the fear that the abuser may find out that she wants to leave and try to cause
more harm to her or even try to kill her.
Conclusion
Women who decide to stay with their mates suffer from The Battered Woman Syndrome
(BWS). BWS is also classified as Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD). But there is good
news, if the woman chooses, there are several clinics and resources that can help in abusive and
domestic abusive situations. By the same token, the woman must admit and accept that she does
not deserve to be in a violent situation. She must also accept that the abuse is not her fault. The
abused woman must also recognize the symptoms of BWS. Once she comes to the acceptance of
the syndrome, she must immediately devise a plan to get out of the home safely. The abused
woman must start the legal proceedings in getting the help that she needs. Identically, she must
make a report with her local authorities. She must stand firm in her decisions. Equally
important, the Battered Woman Syndrome is now being recognized by legislation and many
states around the world. The court systems are now taking a more detailed look into the violence
that the woman has endured by her abused partner. The court systems are now taking legal
actions against the abusers. “There are interventions aimed at shattering the abused woman’s
feelings of commitment to the relationship and allow her and any children involved to live a
better life” [Dar13].
WHY WOMEN STAY: THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME 11
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