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Case Study: Navigating Big Emotions
We will review a case study of a six-year-old girl named Claire, her mother, and their
interaction at a grocery store. A brief overview of the situation is as follows: Claire asked
politely for a lollipop while she and her mother were grocery shopping, and her mother kindly
but firmly told her she could not have the lollipop. Claire begins to beg and is consistently met
with the answer “no” by her mother. Claire begins to escalate and raise her voice, proclaiming
she was given one the last time they were at the store, and that it is unfair. Her mother attempts
to quiet her as she is filled with nervousness and embarrassment from the onlookers. This
escalation continues until Claire’s mother begins to raise her voice and eventually rushes Claire
out to their car attempting to avoid the staring customers.
As a young child, it is hard to understand the whole concept of things. Their brains are
still rapidly developing, and all parts of the brain are not working in unison. Seigel and Bryson
(2011) explain the terms of the upstairs and downstairs brains, wherein the upstairs brain
processes logic and reason, and the downstairs brain processes things on an emotional level. The
goal is for both the upstairs and downstairs brains to become integrated so that children can
remain afloat when things or situations become overwhelming.
We are told that Claire often cannot stand being told “no.” This leads me to believe that
she is exhibiting an upstairs tantrum, as it is calculated based on her previous trip to the store and
receiving a lollipop then. My own child went through a phase of believing he deserved to get
something every time we went anywhere. It is a very difficult spot to be in. One of the biggest
tactics in dealing with an upstairs tantrum is being able to set firm boundaries and discuss how
the behavior is inappropriate and how an appropriate response should look (Seigel & Bryson,
2011). Prior to going out in public, Claire’s mother should be able to sit down with her and
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discuss boundaries. She can say something like “we are only shopping for groceries today, not
treats” (Seigel & Bryson, 2011, p. 21). This gives Claire the upfront expectation of not asking for
a lollipop because that is not what they are shopping for. The consequences are also an important
part of this discussion and must be followed through to deter future outbursts effectively.
One technique Claire’s mother could have exhibited is engaging the upstairs brain instead
of enraging the downstairs brain. A prime example of this is illustrated on page 23 of Seigel &
Bryson’s book The Whole-Brain Child. Instead of giving Claire an ultimatum that would only
further frustrate and enrage her, her mother can ask questions that appeal to the logical side of
the upstairs brain to allow Claire to focus and process why she is so upset over the lollipop and
be able to discuss it without the downstairs brain overflooding.
Another technique is to connect and redirect. By connecting with the right side of the
brain, Claire’s mother can acknowledge that Claire’s feelings are valid, empathize with her, and
ultimately connect with her daughter on an emotional level (Seigel & Bryson, 2011). After they
have calmed themselves and connected emotionally, Claire’s mother can provide an explanation
and discussion as to why she could not have a lollipop on this trip and potentially plan for a treat
on a future trip.
A third technique that could be beneficial in this scenario is discussing that feelings come
and go (Seigel & Bryson, 2011). Once back in the car, after they have calmed themselves,
Claire’s mother can guide Claire to revisit the feeling of being told no, which she detests, as
previously mentioned. Then, she can counter with a time when she felt happy, like the last time
she got a lollipop from the store. Her mother can provide the framework to develop Claire's
mindsight by communicating how temporary feelings can be (Seigel & Bryson, 2011).
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In a six-year-old’s mind, emotions run high. The upstairs brain is not fully developed
until the mid-twenties, whereas the downstairs brain is almost fully developed from birth (Seigel
& Bryson, 2011). To help Claire integrate these two portions of the brain, Claire’s mother must
also be able to focus on her brain’s integration. As a parent, it can be overwhelming and
overstimulating when your child throws a tantrum. I know I have lost control of my emotions
with my children in the past because I was never taught how to regulate my emotions. Emotional
regulation, integration of the brain, and a whole lot of patience are essential to guiding children
to be able to survive and thrive.
