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Research Paper: Final Assignment
Nina M. Jurczak
CCOU 301: Christian Counseling for Marriage and Family
Dr. June Vess
December 9, 2024
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Love, Sex and Marriage
I chose this topic because of the increase in divorce I have observed. A proposal put
forward by Clinton that couples who have been married for a long time lack intimacy in sex.
According to (Clinton and Sibcy,2006), couples deprioritize their relationships, intimacy, and
sex. As we move through different seasons of life, the bible describes them as seasons. The study
shows that intimacy and communication issues can be resolved (Mostova et al., 2022). Intimacy-
related issues may be caused by couples' false thoughts and false attitudes about intimacy (Minor
and Harden, 2020). It is sometimes easy for couples to forget that we all speak different
languages when it comes to love. (Huges and Canden, 2020). God is a Father of restoration and
healing. Mr. Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor who outlines five key obligations
regarding love in his book The Five Love Languages. It was nice hearing Chapman say it is
never too late to start over. Love can be rekindled. While the world can sometimes transform sex
become unfruitful, God from the beginning made it for man and female. Genesis 1:27-28 “So
God created man in his own image, in God's image he created him, male and female. And God
blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth" (English
Standard Version, 2023). These desires are into our hearts, and we can have purity out of it due
to God blessing it.
Married couples should remember that communication is key and there are other ways to
communicate besides having sex. Trials and tribulations should remind them of those spoken
vows they made under oath before God and in the presence of others. As a result of my interest
in love, sex, and marriage, I would like to know and share facts with others that need to be
brought to light. Divorce is not the only solution to these issues. As a result, married couples can
fall back on biblical truths and insights to make their marriage come back to life as God
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intended. It is the trials and tribulations couples face together and individually that can get them
back on track to raising productive generations (Luis-Martinez, Z., 2021).
According to Clinton, the pursue-withdraw method involves two people trying to love one
another, which can lead to unhealthy relationships [Citation Cli06 /l 1033].” These unhealthy
patterns can be exacerbated by anger, disorganization, and past insecurity. Therefore, there is a
disconnect between intimacy and communication, resulting in marital conflict and divorce. It is
important to remember that God is almighty and can mend any marriage at any stage, regardless
of its status [ CITATION Cli06 \l 1033].
When it comes to biblical insight, Gary Chapman designed characteristics that
acknowledge the Word of God as well as the insight needed to enhance aspects and keys to
communication and intimacy so that married people will be enlightened for the rest of their lives.
According to Clinton in Intimate Marriage, intimacy and communication are essential in every
relationship, regardless of whether it is a friendship or a marriage [CITATION Cli06 /L 1033].
Being equally yoked, intimate, and communicative in marriage holds the greatest form of power,
because it is God-ordained. It can be described as caring for others intimately, such as our
spouse, children, other family members, and friends, in addition to having a sexual relationship
[CITATION Cli06 \l 1033]. The relationship between God and people who walk with Him is
undoubtedly intimate; therefore, we must exhaust it when we are involved with others (John
15:4-6). It is possible, however, for communication to be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy
communication can protect an individual from soul wounds [CITATION Cli06 \l 1033]. While
someone related to unhealthy communication criticizes, exhibits defensive behavior, contempt,
and exemplifies stonewalling [CITATION Cli06 /l 1033].
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Whenever a trigger occurs, there is a solution. Most people who have developed triggers
have faced them since they were children, so it can take some time to overcome them. To calm
emotional storms, the six steps are: identifying the primary feeling, connecting the primary
feeling with the emotion to the situation, targeting negativity, alternate behaviors, problem-
solving techniques, and connecting to healing and transformational relationships [CITATION
Cli06 /l 1033]. The form of mending already broken marriages was not exaggerated by Clinton.
To have a healthy marriage, we need to live for our spouses (Ephesians 5:21-33). It is necessary
to work on mending those wounded souls now, if not before marriage, even if the spouse had
triggers before marriage. Until results are achieved, the process should not be stopped, and even
then, it should be continued.
According to Ephesians 5:28, husbands should cherish their wives as they cherish their
bodies. A person's own love and communication is an example of their own love and
communication. One can use it as an example of how to engage with one's spouse and how
intimate they should be with each other. One of the highest forms of intimacy is when a couple
loves each other as much as they love themselves. Individuals love themselves because they
nourish and care for their wants and needs [CITATION Str99 \l 1033]. Marriage symbolizes
unity, wholeness, intimacy, and a sense of being intimately connected to headship and
submission. Marriage is not a commitment to be taken lightly as it is something deemed and
ordained by God, which has been characterized by a waiting period as well as weeding out
characteristics and qualities necessary to find a Godly partner [ CITATION Web08 \l 1033].
Different cultures and religions are brutally murdering individuals who choose to marry
outside of their religion in many places, including India. Jesus Christ stands against it and, in
some way, shape, or form, their culture and religion justify it. The idea of love occurring outside
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of religion is unheard of and could lead to a murderous battle or disconnection from the family
[CITATION Mas15\l 1033]. It is deemed a gift that is witnessed in marriage that sexuality is
important in this case [CITATION Mas15 \l 1033]. Sexual intimacy is believed to be affected
when a marriage takes place without the consent of the person [CITATION Mas15\l 1033].
Marriage should be initiated in the way God has ordained (Genesis 1:28, Genesis 9:1)., where
love is present, and the couple can feel the pull of the spirit towards one another. Cultures and
religions are manufactured, and married individuals should recognize this. Only one true God
(Exodus 34:12-16) can equip them with knowledge of how to appropriately manage their
marriages. Those who marry outside of their culture and religion are said to drift away from God
if they marry outside of their culture and religion. People can embrace all the blessings and gifts
that God has in store for them when they marry who God has chosen for them, not people
[ CITATION Mas15\l 1033].
In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman outlines five obligations of love.
To make marriages work, Chapman emphasizes affirmations, acts of service, gifts
giving/receiving, quality time, and physical touch [CITATION Cha95 \l 1033] Throughout the
bible, God tells us that man and woman were created for fruitfulness (Genesis 1:27-28). In
addition, it says, "bearing one another in love with gentleness and humility" (Ephesians 4:2-3).
Further research reveals that "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of
your youth." describes the nature of sexual relationships "May you always be captivated by the
love of a doe, a graceful deer" (Proverbs 5:18-19). “Couples must realize that communication is
the key to the five love languages as ambassadors for Christ” 2 Corinthians 5:20 (English
Standard Version, 2023).
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Across many cultures and religions, particularly in India, individuals who choose to
marry outside their religion are brutally murdered. Through their culture and religion, it is
justified in some way, shape, and form against what Jesus Christ stands for. Love outside of
religion is unheard of and can lead to murder or disconnection from family members
[CITATION Mas15 /l 1033]. Marriage is a time when sexuality is deemed to be a gift that is
witnessed through sexuality [CITATION Mas15 \l 1033]. Sexual intimacy is believed to be
affected when a marriage is performed without the consent of the couple [CITATION Mas15 \l
1033]. Therefore, marriage should be initiated in the way that God has ordained (Genesis 1:28,
Genesis 9:1)., where love is present, and the couple can feel the draw of the spirit. People who
are married should understand that cultures and religions are manufactured. The only true God
(Exodus 34:12-16) can equip them with knowledge of how to manage their marriages
appropriately. People are believed to stray from God if they marry outside their culture and
religion. When individuals can marry who God chose for them, not people, they can embrace all
the blessings and gifts that God has in store for them [ CITATION Mas15 \l 1033].
It is a gift from God, ordained and destined for both men and women, but widely
misunderstood as a desire to fulfill lustful desires to make it legitimate in God's eyes
[CITATION POO71 /L 1033]. Society endorses this false behavior by feeding it to children who
reach puberty and crave sexual encounters and the feeling of love. In this way, marriage is
embodied in them once they lose their virginity or become pregnant [CITATION POO71 /L
1033]. It is sad to see that the gift of God has become a gateway for Satan's schemes to be carried
out. It is common for married couples to be looked down upon when they live out the
commandment that God established if they absolutely love one another, have spiritual gifts, and
produce fruit and fulfill the fruit of the spirit. As a result, it is evident that individuals are not
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taught how to truly become one as the scripture instructs. Despite this, when individuals are one
with Christ, that oneness is evident in their spouse as evidenced by their walk and talk in
everyday living. Intimacy, sexuality, marriage, and marriage are all regarded by God as
proportionate, but despite God's view, society assesses them as abusive, inefficient, and
antiquated [CITATION POO71 /L 1033].
One must first understand what true love is before they can discern their life partner.
Love, the most beautiful word in the Bible, often misused by the heart and misled by the mind,
must be understood in its entirety before it can be expressed in a relationship such as marriage or
in any form of intimacy [CITATION Poo71/l 1033]. An individual's highest form of love is
agape [CITATION POO71/l 1033]. It is evident that this is the highest form of love since God
has given individuals the Holy Spirit to fill their hearts with His love (Romans 5:5). Agape in
marriage refers to the union of the spirit of one person with that of another, in which it is a self-
giving love [CITATION POO71 /l 1033].
Companionship is about bringing two people together through marriage. No one must
face life alone because God designed it that way. The story of Genesis 2:18 tells us that Eve was
made specifically for Adam so he would have a companion (Genesis 2:18). "Two people are
better off than one, since they can help each other succeed. One person can reach out and help
the other if they fall. Someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Two people lying close to each
other can also keep each other warm. However, how can one stay warm on one’s own? A person
standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand together and win. The benefit of
three is that a triple-braided cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)." Companionship
leads to the creation of a home resulting in fruit production (Genesis 1:28), thus emphasizing the
importance of sexual fulfillment. The perception that sexual fulfillment is simply having intimate
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sexual encounters with married partners often leads to marital affairs and despair [CITATION
POO71 \l 1033]. Is there a reason marriage has such a strong symbolic meaning? What is the
best way to fulfill God's design for marriage?
A glorious revelation of Scripture is that the husband-wife relationship is a symbol of the
relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22-23). In other words, a husband and
wife should serve as miniature replicas of Christ and the church as a whole; their lives should
reveal all sorts of beauty within their relationship. Where does the issue of intimacy and
communication come from?
If one allows it, marriage can become the devil's playground, such as when one is married
to an unbeliever whom one feels can be changed. After marriage, it is rare for an unbeliever to
become a believer. Believers rarely marry unbelievers who have a solid foundation in Christ,
which is the foundation of their marriage. Couples take an oath to live in unity, in the likeness of
Christ, for the well-being of one another. Taking this oath is meant to be kept until death, in
sickness, and health, and when a believer marries an unbeliever, he or she has misunderstood
God's word and acted on lust or lack of faith that God had better for them. This relates to the
earlier knowledge of being equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). Whenever Satan tries to draw
someone near a believer, he will show them good qualities. Satan will never cease tempting
those who truly follow Christ's path [CITATION Poo71 /l 1033]. For a marriage to stay aligned
with God's plan, the couple must "beware" of serpent bites and secure their marriage. In God's
word, marriage is a blessing, but if it is the wrong marriage, it can be a curse [ CITATION Poo71
\l 1033].
It is because sex is the underlining part of many aspects of an individual that God has
kept it at such a sacred level for marriage [ CITATION Los09 \l 1033]. It is forbidden to use sex
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for the purpose of carnal pleasure, but for procreation (Genesis 1:28), pleasure, and bonding
(Genesis 2:23-24) within marriage (Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:24, Hebrews 13:4). Intimacy
requires planning, sensitivity, privacy, preparations in setting, place, personal hygiene, and
physical understanding [CITATION Los09 /l 1033]. A fruitful marriage requires these things.
Consequently, if a God-ordained marriage is left alone for too long, Satan will creep into the
deteriorating areas, hindering the couple's happiness. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love
Languages, provided profound insight into how to cope with intimacy and communication issues
in marriages. His book lists five principles for married couples: words of affirmation, quality
time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch [CITATION Cha95 /l 1033].
Using affirmations can inspire your spouse to overcome the areas in which they feel
insecure [CITATION Cha95 \l 1033]. Marriages lack this area repeatedly. Once the honeymoon
phase is over, people stop producing or putting in the effort they were putting in when they first
got married. Kind words can also be shared by married individuals. If love is kind, then using
kind words would demonstrate that dialect is often misunderstood [CITATION Cha95 /l 1033]
When it comes to communication, these things determine how a spouse with genuine love will
respond.
Chapman discusses quality time in his second area of discussion. People often overlook
quality time as they take care of their households and the enormous bills that come with them.
Here we see the importance of quality time and how it can be incorporated to meet the needs of
married couples. For instance, togetherness involves doing something together rather than just
sitting in the same room listening to a cellular phone [CITATION Cha95 \l 1033]. Another
example is having a quality conversation, listening to feelings, observing body language, and
learning to be still and quiet while talking [CITATION Cha95 \l 1033]. Communication requires
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learning the spouse's personality type and what quality activities they enjoy [CITATION Cha95\l
1033].
In addition to giving and receiving gifts, married individuals and/or couples must spend
quality time together. Gifts can be made, purchased, or found [CITATION Cha95 /l 1033]. When
a husband learns that his wife loves flowers and that they will brighten her day, he can easily
stop at a floral shop or be spontaneous and pick some up along the roadside. Likewise, a wife
may know that her husband enjoys power tools. On Facebook, she could find a used or free one
and pick it up before he gets home. Selfless acts of love are what pushes this very thing into
motion: thought, initiative, and love. When it comes to gifts, the gift of self is an example of love
that speaks louder than anything else. A gift of this type could be a conversation, an act of
presence, or sharing a special moment [CITATION Cha95\l 1033]. Even just being there during
those special moments means more than any gift you could ever get [CITATION Cha95 \l 1033]
The act of service was the fourth area Chapman discussed. It is possible for an individual
to feel overwhelmed by a load in a marriage. In the past, straying from the traditional pattern of
men working outside and women working inside was considered unacceptable. With generations
changing, it is now acceptable to ask your spouse for help maintaining those areas, regardless of
gender. When a mother takes care of three children, she may feel overwhelmed with the amount
of trash in the house, the number of beds to make, or the amount of dusting and vacuuming to
perform. If the husband steps in and does an act of service when he is available, it does show
love, kindness, and care. A wife can help mow the grass, rake leaves, or maintain animals (if
there are any) if her husband rakes leaves. Any spouse can easily provide service to the other, no
matter what the service is. Marriage can be challenging at times. As a result, couples disconnect
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during these challenging times and feel worthless, as if nothing they do is good enough or that it
will not matter [CITATION Cha95\l 1033].
The act of service was the fourth area Chapman discussed. It is possible for an individual
to feel overwhelmed by a load in a marriage. In the past, it was unacceptable for men to work
outside and women to work inside. As generations change, it is now acceptable to ask your
spouse to maintain those areas, no matter what gender they are. The amount of trash in a house,
the number of beds that need to be made, or even sweeping or vacuuming may overwhelm a
mother taking care of three children. When available, the husband can step in and perform an act
of service as a sign of love, kindness, and care for his wife. The wife can help rake leaves, mow
grass, or maintain animals (if any) if her husband is absent. Regardless of the service, the spouse
can easily provide service to the other. Marriage can be challenging at times. During these
challenging times, spouses disconnect and feel worthless, as if nothing they do is good enough or
does not matter [CITATION Cha95 /l 1033].
Throughout this entire research paper, the final portion deals with physical touch in its
entirety. According to Chapman, physical touch communicates emotional love [CITATION
Cha95 \l 1033]. According to him, "physical touch can make or break a relationship.". Touch can
communicate hate or love [CITATION Cha95 /l 1033]." That is, the way you touch your spouse
physically could have profound impacts on them. When women are in a crisis, they seek comfort
from their husbands. A comforting touch that is different from the ordinary is what they seek. It
may be comforting for men to know that their wives are almost feeling their pain when they are
going through a form of change. Rather than the issues arising in intimacy and communication,
the results are formulated in the solutions married individuals find. The easiest thing to do is
make a list of dos and don'ts rather than address what will happen if they happen. Love and sex
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are very different things, but they share one word: intimacy. Intimacy without communication is
simply sexual activity. According to Chapman, the five love languages express many solutions to
the very two issues Clinton raised. As God has ordained all of it for good, learning the purpose of
man and woman, sex, intimacy, and marriage is vital.
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Reference’s
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