LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
What is the Goal of Christian Marriage Counseling?
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
18/2022
What is the Goal of Christian Marriage Counseling?
Many people seek marriage counseling for a variety of different reasons, which usually can
be recognized and acknowledged in time. One may desire counseling in order to get their
partner to change, for example. That may be legitimate if the partner is doing something
unlawful or truly damaging (such as, for instance, using pornography or taking illicit drugs or
behaving in an abusive manner towards family members). On other occasions, the goal may be
to get the other partner to change as an evasive act, a way of avoiding my own need to address
my own hang ups and poor methods of coping in the world. In either case, however, the
ultimate goal of Christian marriage counseling is not to get our partner to change, even if they
desperately need to do so, but to challenge our own hearts to face those things that impede
growth, both as individuals, as well as in the way we behave towards other people. This process
will help us enter into new realms of growth and experience.
The goal of Christian marriage counseling is to impart new skills, wisdom and a foundation
of understanding for continued growth beyond the counseling office. But there is so much more
to it than that. If all we needed was a little knowledge, we could all be fixed by reading a book.
You’ve probably read your share of books, but the change you desire still eludes you. Why?
Change, in order to be real, true and lasting, must take place at the level of the heart. The heart
needs to be pursued, it needs to be challenged and confronted. It needs love, time and
patience to bear fruit. No amount of surface level knowledge or exercises alone can bring
change. By pointing you and your spouse to Christ, and confronting your hearts on hard issues,
a Christian marriage counselor not only teaches, but also sets into motion a rhythm of life that
extends beyond the office walls.
That being said, much of the cleaning up to be done will involve practicing new skills and
implementing the knowledge and wisdom set forth in the office. Developing effective and
healthy habits and breaking the detrimental ones takes time and repetition. Practical
knowledge and skills you may gain include:
Reintroducing passion back into the marriage
Developing a firm partnership in parenting or working together to achieve goals
Gaining an appreciation of the biological and psychological differences between men
and women when it comes to issues such as intimacy.
Learning effective negotiation skills—how to navigate the others’ hot buttons and agree
to disagree.
Communicating honestly and openly in a way that makes a difference
Experiencing the Word of God
Learning how confessing to and praying for one another is a lifelong journey for which
Christian counseling can begin to equip you.
Change is a hard process. There will be pain but it is productive and purposeful pain. It is
not the pain of accepting life in a marriage that doesn’t work–this pain has no purpose, it just is.
This is the way God is refining you, working you and molding you to be more like him. Through
it, you can experience healing in your marriage. You can experience the true joy of marriage as
God designed. This is what Christian marriage counseling is all about.
