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Couples Counseling
Counseling is a rewarding practice that aids in the process of emotional, mental, and
psychological healing. There are many aspects and different practices to counseling, such as the
focus of mental health, addiction, cognitive behavioral therapy, play therapy, trauma therapy,
family counseling, etc. One of the most common focuses for counseling is that of couple and/or
marriage counseling, aiding in the process of marital and relationship problems that can
potentially lead to other, more severe issues down the road. Just like every other area of
counseling, it is important for counselors to remain unbiased and maintain a level of competency
in order to effectively help those who are seeking guidance and counsel.
Ethical Concerns
Counseling naturally brings about challenges due to working with people from various
cultural, racial, religious backgrounds, as well as the various reasons as to why individuals are
seeking help through counseling. One of the key challenges for couples counseling is that
counselors are not only working with an individual, on a one-on-one basis, but working with two
people, which could potentially lead to some difficulties, conflicts, and dilemmas. Within chapter
seven of the textbook, Sanders (2013) suggests that some common ethical concerns that might
arise during couples counseling include those of divorce, spouse abuse (sexual, physical,
emotional), and understanding the true definition of marriage. From a biblical perspective,
marriage is a life-long covenant and commitment between one man and one woman with the
intended purpose of reflecting the relationship the Lord has with His church and bringing glory
to His name (Christian Standard Bible [CSB], 2004/2017, Genesis 2:18-24, Matthew 5:32,
Ephesians 5). Because people are inherently sinful, being born into sin as “children of wrath,” it
is expected that conflict will arise among and between relationships, even those of marriage
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(CSB, 2004/2017, Ephesians 2:3). It has been noted by Ghahari et al. (2020) that conflict within
the confounds of marriage—especially in the extreme cases of infidelity and divorce—is among
some of the most stressful situations. On top of this, many couples, especially if married, are also
parents, trying to navigate their roles, setting boundaries, and trying to do what is best for their
children. Relationships in these contexts have the potential to be very complex, requiring extra
guidance and counseling to navigate hardships that arise.
Skills for Effective Counseling
Within all types of counseling, not just for couples, counselors are held to certain
standards and requirements needed in order to lawfully and effectively practice counseling. Some
of these common standards include competence, having a responsibility to clients, integrity, and
confidentiality (Sanders, 2013). Even within a professional context, there could be potential
conflict among these standards, including inadequate training, conflict of interest, lack of
education, etc. To have an effective role in the lives of couples within their relationships, it is
quite crucial that counselors are able to properly identify and address who the patient is, the
issues at hand, and have the ability to alleviate and neutralize stressful situations. The greatest
thing a Christian counselor or lay counselor can do is have practices that are built upon the firm
foundation of Scripture, and continuously pointing counselees to the Lord (Sanders, 2013). This
allows light to be shed on dark circumstances like abuse, infidelity, parenting issues, divorce,
etc., with the hope that there is salvation found through Jesus and His love is unconditional.
Abusive Relations
Abuse is a very well known topic in today’s world, most commonly dealing with
physical, sexual, and emotional tactics or methods by abusers. Within a Christian setting, men
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are the ones who are appointed to be spiritual leaders, providing for and guiding their families
(CSB, 2004/2017, 1 Corinthians 11:3). Oftentimes, men abuse the power of this position and
project harmful actions and words upon their wives and children, using Bible verses out of
context such as Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord,” and
Ephesians 6:1, “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (CSB, 2004/2017).
While it is most common for men to be the abusers and women or children the victims, women
do have the power to be abusive towards their families, as well as children having the power to
be manipulative. Abuse possesses the ability to create physical, psychological, and emotional
damage or trauma among those who are victims and survivors of this traumatic experience
(Ghahari et al., 2020). Under these dire circumstances, it is important for counselors to address
abuse with sensitivity and empathy, allowing victims and their families to process trauma, while
also pointing to God’s promises. For the perpetrators, especially when taking Scripture out of
context, counselors should correct this, revealing the importance of having a good understanding
of the Gospel and sound theology.
Referral
In all counseling aspects, it is important for counselors, especially lay helpers, to
understand their level of competence and the limitations they face when it comes to helping
others. Referral to other helpers and more experienced, professional counselors should always
take place when any counselor experiences issues and conflicts that they have not been
adequately trained in. In the case of lay counselors, psychological evaluation is something that
they are not trained to perform, along with mental or emotional diagnosis. It would be beneficial
then for both counselor and counselee to seek professional help (Sanders, 2013). As mentioned
above, traumatic events such as abuse can cause victims to experience damaging emotional,
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mental, psychological, and even physical effects (Ghahari, 2020). Lay counselors are not
experienced nor trained to handle these consequences in their upmost severity. Ultimately, if
referral does not take place, it can cause more harm to patients, hindering their healing journey,
as well as potentially harm the practice of the lay counselor.
Personal Reflection
For me, personally, counseling couples is something that I am extremely interested in
because I love relationships. The most rewarding thing for me would be able to help couples
grow in their relationships with each other, encouraging them to chase after the Lord and seek
His grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I am fully aware that relationships are oftentimes difficult
because we are all human, we make mistakes. Especially when it comes to marriage and
romantic relationships, I understand that there is going to be rising conflict due to preconceived
notions, healing from childhood trauma, trying to navigate adulthood, and even trying to
deconstruct toxic behavior. These are all things that will require an abundance of patience,
mercy, and forgiveness.
Conclusion
In conclusion, counseling couples is an extremely needed practice that aids in the growth
of people’s relationships with one another. When conflict arises, and it will, it is important for
counselors to remain unbiased, listening to each member and helping them navigate, process
through, and heal from their conflicts with each other. During these times, emotions and tensions
are high so it is also important for counselors to be a steadfastness, offering stability in the midst
of these rising conflicts. Counseling is not easy work, but it is worth the effort to help those who
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References
Christian Standard Bible. (2004/2017). Holman Bible Publishers.
Ghahari, S., Jamil, L., Farrokhi R., Davoodi, R. (2020). Comparing the effects of emotion-
focused couple therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy on marital conflict and
emotion regulation. Journal of practice in clinical psychology, 9(2), 121-132.
https://doi.org/10.32598/jpcp.9.2.718.1
Sanders, R. K. (2013). Christian counseling ethics: A handbook for psychologists, therapists and
pastors. InterVarsity Press.
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