LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Five Common Christian Counseling Errors
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
10/2022
Introduction: Common counseling mistakes
Note: This online Bible study on how to counsel borrows from some of the points in the
seminar, “How to Counsel from Scripture.”
When you give advice—as a friend, counselor, mentor, or pastor—it’s easy to harm your
effectiveness by making one (or more) of the following mistakes. I’ve counseled with thousands
of people over the years, and I’ve made them all!
As you study, score yourself from 0 to 10 on each point.
“0” means, “I really need to improve in this area.”
“10” means, “I’m doing great in this area.”
Mistake #1: Giving advice without listening
One of the biggest mistakes Christians (and others) make is giving quick counsel or advice
without carefully listening. When we listen, people trust us more and we are able to give better
advice.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and
slow to become angry. (James 1:19)
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.
(Proverbs 18:17)
Make it your goal to deeply understand the other person. This is more than just being
able to repeat back someone’s words. This is understanding emotions and thoughts. Ask lots of
questions. “Listen” to emotions and body language, not just words.
Related: Listen carefully to deeply understand
My “listening” score (0-10): ____
Mistake #2: Showing a judgmental or condemning spirit
The person with whom you are speaking, mentoring, or counseling may have sinned in
almost unthinkable ways or made serious mistakes. However, if you give the message that you
are disgusted, he or she is unlikely to benefit from your advice.
Show concern for people who have sinned. They should sense that you care, not that you
condemn.
Identify sin as sin, but replace anger, disgust and condemnation with sorrow and
concern. Remember that your goal is to restore the other person, to help him or her change.
For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might
become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement
for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help
those who are being tempted. (Hebrews 2:18)
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we
have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. (Hebrews
4:15)
Share encouraging words. Be a messenger of hope and encouragement. Let the other
person know that with God’s help he or she can change.
Stay humble. Remember that although you may not have committed the same sin, you
have committed lots of other serious sins.
Related: The Bible shows the power in humility
My “judgmental attitude” score (0-10): ____
Mistake #3: Talking too much
Has someone ever given you a long speech about your mistakes? If so, you probably
tuned out part way through. Speeches rarely work!
When you get people involved in a discussion, they are more likely to change. Remember
to ask questions. It’s often effective to ask people if they would like to make changes. If they say
“yes,” ask what they would like to change. When you help people work on something they
identify, they are more likely to get involved.
My “talking too much score” (0-10): ____
Mistake #4: Giving worldly advice
It’s easy to give “worldly” advice, for it is all around us on talk radio, television shows, self-
help books and college campuses. Some of this advice may be helpful, but it is incomplete and
not nearly so helpful as the truth revealed in God’s Word, the Bible.
When you counsel, you have the opportunity to help others turn to God and learn how to
apply the Bible’s truths. In a sense, you can help disciple people and encourage them to grow in
the Lord. Make the most of this opportunity!
Give biblical advice! Do not give unscriptural advice because you feel sorry for someone.
For example, don’t encourage people to divorce for unbiblical reasons because they say they
are unhappy.
See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which
depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.
(Colossians 2:8)
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in
righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2
Timothy 3:17)
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it
penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and
attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)
