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How many times have I heard ‘hurting people, hurt people’, as I witnessed the pain of
someone describing an ordeal, they had endured at the hands of a person who had no idea they
were causing unimaginable pain. There is so much damage unwittingly done by hurting people.
So many people remain in a place of brokenness without the help of a Christian counselor. I
have desired to obtain counseling skills to join the ranks of people who are fully dependent on
the Lord Jesus Christ, to help people heal. I have had my encounter with counseling and I have
seen the benefits in my life that come from working with a skilled, spirit-led counselor.
If a difference is to be made, then there are some “core conditions” and “core skills” that
need to be present in any counselor’s life for them to truly be effective and demonstrate spiritual
maturity and emotional health. Some conditions listed in our textbook are genuine, warmth,
positive regard, and support coupled with challenges. Most of us know what it feels like to be
told to do something by someone who is not living up to the standards they are setting. If a
client senses hypocrisy, they will likely not continue with counseling. If a counselor has no
warmth and seems to be cold, this will greatly hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in the healing
process. It is the love of God that has caused believers to want to know him, therefore any
coldness in a counselor would not be reflective of the love God has called us all to share.
(Clinton et al.,2005)
When positive regard is provided as part of counseling it creates an atmosphere conducive to
a client opening up. If a client senses that positive regard, they know they are not being judged
and are very likely to share with confidence. Our textbook states” Christian counselors need to
know when to hold off on conviction and simply console.” (Clinton et al.,2005.p.37) The bible
lets us know in, Ecclesiastes 3:1” To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose
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under the heaven”. (King James Bible, 1769/2017) A counselor knowing the season and time is
crucial in the counseling process. There is a very fine line between supporting someone and
enabling that person in wrongdoing, this balance must be navigated by every Christian
counselor. It takes wisdom to know when it's time to lead someone away from behavior that can
be harmful to them. (Clinton et al.,2005)
Some “core skills” that are found in our textbook are active listening, empathic response,
probing, and goal setting. There is a definite difference between listening and active listening.
When a counselor is actively engaged with their client, the client feels seen and heard. It always
helps the client to hear the story expressed from a different set of language skills. In
demonstrating an emphatic response, a counselor can help a client feel understood. Probing is
critical, in my experience some of the most traumatic experiences are the hardest to verbalize. It
will take skillful probing to uncover wounds that need to be healed. Lastly, without a goal, it is
not clear where you are going or when you have arrived, and it is helpful for all to know what to
strive for. A good counselor will help their clients set appropriate goals. (Clinton et al.,2005)
In my walk with God, I have been learning he loves me the way I am, but he is committed to
not leaving me as I am. I have been so blessed to be in this ongoing process of sanctification. I
am grateful for the ways he has taken his spiritual sandpaper and scraped off some of the rough
edges in my life. It is a benefit now to display his love because he has consumed me so with his
love for me, his love permeates from me. I know this is a great strength that he can and will use
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as I counsel others. I also believe it’s the father’s heart of love that allows a person to know they
are worth the time and effort healing takes.
God has also given me a gift of encouragement, or some say exhortation. I know this will be
useful as scripture tells us in Hebrews 3:13 “But exhort one another daily, while it is called
today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” (King James Bible,
1769/2017) A good counselor will need to console and encourage those entrusted with their
care.
Although there are many pitfalls to avoid and continual training to be obtained, counseling
comes with great rewards. I think it is very rewarding to see hurting people live better more
Christ-centered lives. It is also rewarding to partner with the Lord in his healing work of the lost
and broken-hearted people in this world and it is only fitting for me to freely give what I have
received as one of those people.
References
Clinton, T., Hart, A. D., & Ohlschlager, G. (Eds.). (2005). Caring for people
God’s way: A new guide for Christian counseling. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.
King James Bible. (2017). King James Bible Online. https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/
(Original work published 1769)
