LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
A Foundation for Counseling Sexual Addiction
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
10/2022
A Foundation for Counseling Sexual Addiction
In the same way, when it comes to determining the best course of action for a believer
struggling with sin, it is imperative that the counselor uses the Word of God—not simply as the
ultimate authority on such matters—but also as an actual handbook of solutions.
The Formation of an Addiction
There are many teachings abounding today regarding sexual addiction. As the field of
psychology has evolved over the past century, a great deal of speculation has taken place
regarding childhood development and its involvement in the formation of emotional problems.
In my book, Irresistible to God, I wrote about how pride develops in a child.
Humans are born with a deeply felt need to be loved and respected. This desire runs so
deep that the lack of noticeable appreciation by others—especially immediate family members
—can actually be emotionally damaging to a young child. A child’s dependence upon the
approval of others or his need for affirmation often creates an overwhelming sense of
insecurity…
This so-called “inferiority complex” is reinforced each time he experiences rejection or is
emotionally hurt in some way. The more inferior the child is made to feel by the rejection of
others, the more he will attempt to compensate for that lack of security by exalting himself
above others and protecting himself from their put-downs. The child will often seek something
—anything—to distinguish himself from others.
Consequently as a child develops, several things begin to happen. Certain forms of pride
begin to surface within him in conjunction with his individuality: his strengths, abilities, looks,
etc. If he is a sensitive person by nature, he will display self-protective pride to ward off any
pain or rejection by others. If he is naturally cocky, on the other hand, he will tend to be
conceited and arrogant. The level of his insecurity—his thwarted desire to be highly thought of
—usually determines the strength of his pride. Like sin of any kind, pride creates a downward
spiral of soul degradation. The more one gives over to pride, the more that pride demands. In
other words, it strengthens itself.
The child—who is only doing what comes naturally—gradually develops defense
mechanisms to cope with being hurt in life. Unfortunately, these defense mechanisms are the
embryos of pride that begin in childhood, are developed in the teen years, and are perfected in
adulthood.
In the meantime, the youngster is completely unaware that he is a prime target of demonic
spirits. These devils are very familiar with his family tree and all the different personality traits,
secret sins, areas of selfishness, and so on. In fact, these agents of darkness have been
nurturing sin and pride in members of his family long before he was even born. As the child
grows and suffers the inevitable pains of childhood, undoubtedly demons are present to show
him how to respond to this pain. Pride is the devil’s solution to emotional pain. In a fallen, sin-
cursed world in which the pride of man is exalted, this ungodly attitude is carefully cultivated as
the young person grows into adulthood.1
Although this segment refers to pride—that self-exalting attitude that afflicts every human
—the same principles often apply to the formation of other sinful habits. Undoubtedly,
childhood pain can set a young person on a course of seeking acceptance through sexual
experiences, but this does not negate responsibility for his actions. Anywhere along the way he
can turn to the Lord, rather than to sin. Furthermore, although the lack of emotional nurturing
can play a part in the young person turning to sexual sin, let’s not forget that illicit sex is a form
of extreme pleasure. Ultimately and primarily, a person becomes addicted to sex because he
has chosen to live a carnal life and yields to the cravings of his demanding flesh.
Getting to the Heart of the Problem
In an attempt to provide compassionate help to those who suffer from addictions, the
secular field of psychotherapy has provided a plethora of answers to this dilemma. Nearly every
teacher from the world of psychology views sexual addiction as an emotionally based problem.
As such, a person’s feelings and emotions become the focal point of all treatment. By and large,
Christian psychologists take the same stance, adding the spiritual dynamic as a secondary issue.
Although the counselee is taught to follow biblical teachings, he is told that his primary help will
come as a result of his damaged emotions being treated by a professional.
Unquestionably, damaged emotions can play a part in the formation of a sexual addiction.
However, it should never be forgotten that people sin because they have a fallen nature that is
bent toward sin. The Bible never deals with such subjects from an emotional level. Actually,
Scripture always approaches sin as a heart issue. Jeremiah summed up the problem when he
wrote, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
(Jeremiah 17:9 NIV) This statement exposes the human heart as the true culprit of sin.
Scripture also teaches that the heart is the center of man’s being. Springing forth from that
central location are one’s attitudes, motives, feelings and emotions. One way to illustrate this is
to think of the inner man as an underground spring, the heart being the source. David said, “…
the inward thought and the heart of a man are deep.” (Psalms 64:6) Solomon wrote, “Watch
over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
If a dead carcass lying at the bottom has poisoned the water in that spring, it will not solve
the problem to skim the foul scum off the top. The corpse must be withdrawn, and the spring
must be flushed out.
As mankind’s Creator (Colossians 1:16), Jesus is the ultimate authority on man’s problems.
He clearly laid out the source of sin when He said, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is
what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts,
fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit,
sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and
defile the man.” (Mark 7:20–23)
