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Evaluation of papers
Introduction
A good essay should have a clear and concise introduction that outlines the essay's main
points. It should also include a thesis statement that states the essay's main argument. The essay's
body should provide evidence and examples to support the thesis statement. The conclusion
should summarize the essay's main points and provide a final thought or opinion. The essay
should be well-structured, with each paragraph logically connected to the next. Finally, it should
be written clearly and concisely, with correct grammar and spelling. This paper gives a concise
evaluation and grading of two artwork essays and explains what the authors should have added
and discarded to make the articles seamless.
Cave Paintings of Altamira
The introduction explains where the paintings were found briefly. The author needs to
bring out his ideas and connect art with the concept of power. Furthermore, the thesis statement
needs to be clearer and give the reader what to expect in the body of the article. Secondly, the
essay needs to provide more evidence to support its claims. A good essay should always be
supported with credible sources to make the context more factual and believable. Jamie points
out historic records in the body paragraphs but needs to cite credible sources to strengthen the
statements. Thirdly, the essay needs to provide more analysis of the evidence presented. For an
essay to flow, the author must give a complete analysis and only touch on different points after
fully explaining them. That way, the reader understands what the author is trying to convey.
Lastly, the essay needs a clear conclusion that ties back to the main points of the essay. A good
conclusion, as mentioned above, should give a summary of what the article talks about.
Unfortunately, Jamie needs to summarize what is in the paper in the conclusion paragraph.
Although the paper has a reference page, it lacks in-text citations, and I would give it 40 points
out of 100 points.
What should the author have done to improve the essay?
The essay needs a clear structure or organization; the author should start reorganizing its
content logically to support her argument. The essay also needs to provide more evidence for the
arguments; the author should add additional facts and references to that point of view.
Firstly, the concept of power should have been mentioned in the introduction. The author
should have also been more specific on the artwork's origin with the approximate date and
location. To improve the article, the author should give their ideas concerning power and connect
them with the artwork in the thesis statement—that way; the reader will know what to expect in
the essay's body. The first paragraph should contain an idea in the topic sentence supported with
evidence and a clear conclusion. Moreover, the paragraph should at least have an in-text citation
from a credible source to support the claims in the paragraph.
Like the first paragraph, the second and third paragraphs should be cited, and the claims
should be supported with factual evidence. When logical statements and sources support claims,
it makes the essay credible and can be used by other authors as they review concepts of the same
context. A conclusion should be made by summarizing what is present in the whole article. The
author could add their interesting views or recommendation at the end to make the essay
thrilling. Finally, the reference page should have a credible source. After completing revisions,
the author should ask for other opinions from someone knowledgeable about the topic or
experience in writing essays. Significantly, one way to improve the body of an essay is to use a
variety of sentence lengths. Varying sentences help keep the reader focused, as short sentences
are more direct and concise, and longer, slower sentences can be used for explanation or
elaboration. Peer review can also be beneficial in finding errors in writing and identifying areas
of development.
Additionally, thoroughly researching each topic covered in the essay will help provide
more detailed information and efficient support for thesis statements. Incorporating strong
transitions between paragraphs is useful during sentence structure organization, allowing for a
smooth flow throughout the body of an essay. Their feedback can help identify any remaining
errors and further improve the essay.
Parthian Earring
The author has depicted in depth that she understands the art piece. The introduction gives
detailed information about the origin of the earing and how it is related to power as required in
the grading rubric. Furthermore, this essay is well-written and thoughtfully presents the cultural
and historical context of the Earring. The author does a good job of demonstrating the power
associated with this symbol, through its material and iconography, by providing relevant research
to back up their claims. The essay is organized clearly and consistently, offering a comprehensive
analysis of the Earring's symbolism. The use of the Earring in funeral portraiture and its
representation in the Parthian Empire are particularly good examples of how its power was
displayed. The conclusion is a sensible summary of the presented evidence, and the author
expresses their interest in the unanswered questions. Overall, this is an excellent essay on the
Parthian Earring. I would give the paper 70 to 80 points out of 100 points. The sources used are
credible, and the paper contains proper in-text citations in the body paragraphs.
To further improve this essay, the author could provide more research on the South Asian
context of jewelry and its use in funerary rituals. The author could also include an example of a
funerary portrait from Palmyra that demonstrates the use of the Earring to show its power.
Furthermore, the author could discuss the potential symbolism of the arched perforations and
their relation to power. Considering and researching these additional elements, the essay's
argument can be more clearly and convincingly bolstered.
