LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Recognizing and Responding to Domestic Abuse
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
9/2022
Because the image of God is sacred, an assault upon one of his image-bearers through
domestic abuse is an attack upon God himself.
Smartly-dressed Mike and his wife Debbie walked into my office for their first session. One
look at Debbie revealed that she had been crying, but was trying to hold it together. Mike
exuded smug self-confidence. Debbie’s head hung low, Mike’s was held high. As they told their
story, details began to emerge.
Mike and Debbie were in their early thirties with two young boys, ages 2 and 4. Mike was
an investment banker, Debbie a stay-at-home mom. When Debbie would share something in
the session that made him look bad, one look from Mike would silence her, occasionally mid-
sentence. During the session, Mike was calm and collected. As they told their story, it became
clear that Mike would leave the family’s home early for work, often not returning until late into
the evening. It was Debbie’s job to have dinner ready every evening at six, for at least herself
and the children, but Mike felt himself under no obligation to attend dinner, and seldom did.
Nor was he under any obligation to let Debbie know where he was or when he would be home.
This was not her concern, he said.
In his words, Mike worked hard to provide a nice living and a nice home for them. If she
was ungrateful for all he provided them, she could leave. If she did, he said, he would get the
best lawyer money could buy and he would make sure that she and the kids didn’t get one
penny more than he was obligated to give. He seemed completely, almost pathologically, at
ease saying these words.
By all accounts Mike had never laid a hand on his wife or his children, at least so far. (He
was seldom in close enough proximity to do so, frankly.) His abuse was entirely emotional and
economic. The wife and children regularly attend a church in the area. The husband did not
often attend. He didn’t see the need. Towards the end of the icy session, the husband declared,
“Go ahead and tell the pastor how bad things are in our marriage. What can he do to help
you?”
Over the years, I’ve heard many women say things like:
“I really wish that he would just go ahead and hit me. Then I would know what to do and
I’d be able to get the church to help me get out.”
What I have described above is a case of verbal, emotional, psychological and economic
abuse. And, though Mike hasn’t laid a hand on Debbie, she is being crushed by him. Brothers
and sisters, this is a tragedy. And, sadly it is epidemic in the church.
Domestic abuse can be defined as the desecration of the image of God in one’s spouse or
intimate partner through patterns of intentional misuse of power, overtly or covertly, in words
or in actions, to gratify self. In the beginning, the Creator formed humankind in his own image
(Gen 1:26-27). God breathed a soul having intrinsic worth and dignity into the man of dust (Gen
2:7), formed the woman from his side (Gen 2:21-23), blessed the man and the woman, and
gave to them both dominion over the rest of the created order (Gen 1:28). As a desecration of
the imago Dei, abuse is a violation of the inherent worth and dignity of the God-breathed
human soul.
To “desecrate” is “to treat (a sacred place or thing) with violent disrespect.” Because the
image of God is sacred, an assault upon one of his image-bearers is an attack upon God himself.
Physical violence is tied to the imago Dei in Gen 9:6, “Whoever shed the blood of man, by man
shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image.”
But, the Scriptures also describe forms of violence that aren’t merely physical. Verbal
assault is also tied to the image of God in James 3:7-9. Speaking of the tongue and its power,
James asserts:
“For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been
tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly
poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the
likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things
ought not to be so.”
Note the use of Genesis 1-2 language in James 3: “beast and bird”, “reptile and sea
creature.” James references our creation mandate as image bearers who fill the earth and
subdue it and have dominion over the rest of God’s creatures. Indeed, we have tamed and
subdued the creatures of the earth successfully. Yet we use the most powerful of weapons, the
tongues our Creator has graciously given to us to bless others, to verbally assault and curse
those whom God has specially created in his likeness, all while blessing God simultaneously!
What hypocrisy! How can we praise God and denigrate those who bear his image?
God has expressly told us how we are to use our words:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up,
as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph 4:29)
Mike’s words tore down his wife, they were inappropriate, and they certainly did not give
grace her – or to anyone. Mike had even mastered the use of non-verbal communication to
incite fear and to control his wife.
Economic mistreatment of a husband and father to his family is just as abusive. Remember
what Paul said to Timothy? “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for
members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Tim
5:8) Mike’s threats to withhold financial provision from his family placed him in a class that Paul
called, “worse than an unbeliever.”
Abuse, in any form, overt or covert, in words or in actions, is an act of oppression against
one’s spouse. It’s oppressive because it is a desecration of the image of God in the other
person.
“The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble…he does not
forget the cry of the afflicted” (Ps 9:9, 12)
“O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart, you will incline
your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may
strike terror no more.” (Ps 10:17-18)
God responds to the oppressed by hearing their cry and offering them safety. God
responds to oppressors with justice. Shouldn’t God’s people respond in the same way?
1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience physical abuse at some point in their lifetime.
Those who have experienced severe verbal, emotional, psychological and economic abuse at
the hands of an oppressor are even more common. Statistically, there are several Mikes and
several Debbies in your church. How will you care for them?
