The Bell Jar Chapters 17 - 20
Esther transitions from her current ward, Caplan, to Belsize, a ward for those nearing discharge. She doesn’t feel significantly better, but the reduced threat of shock treatments brings relief. The women at Belsize lead a seemingly normal life, engaging in bridge and gossip. Esther joins them, and Joan, who had been moved to Belsize earlier, discovers a picture of Esther in a fashion magazine. Esther denies it’s her.
The following morning, Esther is left without a breakfast tray. She assumes an error has occurred, as only those scheduled for shock treatments miss their morning meal. However, the nurse confirms that Esther’s breakfast will be delayed. Esther retreats to the hallway, crying, terrified of the impending treatment, and upset that Dr. Nolan didn’t warn her as promised. Dr. Nolan arrives, comforting her, explaining she didn’t inform Esther the previous day to spare her a night of worry, and assures her she will accompany Esther to the treatment. Miss Huey, the nurse in charge of the treatment, speaks to Esther with kindness. As the treatment commences, Esther loses consciousness. Esther regains consciousness post-shock treatment to find Dr. Nolan by her side. They step outside, and Esther perceives the lifting of the metaphorical bell jar, allowing her to inhale the fresh air. Dr. Nolan informs her about the thrice-weekly shock treatments. Later, as Esther slices an egg open, she recalls her past affection for knives. Attempting to recollect the reason, her thoughts escape like a bird in the vast expanse of the sky.
Both Joan and Esther are recipients of letters from Buddy Willard, expressing his desire to visit. Joan, a former flame of Buddy, confesses her preference for Buddy’s family over Buddy himself—their normalcy contrasts with her own family. Joan wishes for Buddy’s visit, accompanied by his mother. Initially, Esther was averse to his visit, but now she sees it as a potential closure to that chapter of her life. That morning, Esther stumbled upon Joan and DeeDee, another patient, sharing a bed. She inquires Dr. Nolan about what women find in each other, to which Dr. Nolan replies, “Tenderness.” Joan then confesses to Esther that she prefers her over Buddy. Esther reflects on other lesbians she’s known, including two college peers who sparked a minor uproar, and a professor. She sternly reprimands Joan before departing.
Esther confided in Dr. Nolan her desire for the liberty men enjoy, but felt burdened by the looming threat of pregnancy. She shared a chastity pamphlet her mother had given her, which Dr. Nolan dismissed as propaganda, and recommended a doctor who could assist her. Esther visited this doctor to get a diaphragm fitted. In the waiting room, observing mothers with their babies, she questioned her absence of maternal feelings. The doctor, with his cheerful discretion, fitted her, and Esther felt a surge of delight thinking about her newfound freedom from fear and the liberty of marrying inappropriately. With her birth control in place, Esther was eager to find the right man to share her first sexual experience. Joan confides in Esther about her ambition to pursue psychiatry. She’s preparing to depart Belsize to cohabit with a nurse in Cambridge. Despite Esther’s impending discharge from the hospital for the winter term at college, Joan’s forthcoming exit stirs envy within her. During a town leave, Esther encounters a mathematics professor, Irwin, on the Harvard library’s steps. They share a coffee, followed by a visit to his apartment for a beer. A woman, Olga, interrupts by ringing the bell. She appears to be an occasional companion of Irwin’s, but he dismisses her. Esther and Irwin dine out, and with Dr. Nolan’s approval, she plans to spend the night in Cambridge under the pretense of staying at Joan’s place. Esther contemplates that Irwin could be an ideal partner for intimacy. His intelligence, experience, and anonymity appeal to her. They return to his apartment and end up having intercourse. Esther expects herself to be transformed by the loss of her virginity but finds only a sharp pain.
She becomes alarmed by bleeding as a result of the loss of her virginity, and Irwin tries to placate her that it was common. She recalls learning about women bleeding with the loss of their hymen, but Esther continues to bleed without end. She bandages herself up and asks Irwin to drive her to Joan’s apartment. Esther hides the loss of her virginity from Joan and tells her that she has an internal bleed. Joan helps Esther reach the hospital by accompanying her to the emergency room with a cab. The doctor expresses his surprise at the amount of bleeding and comments that he had never seen such profuse bleeding to be caused by the first sexual encounter. He helps her stop the bleeding. A few evenings hence, a lady by the name of Dr. Quinn raps on Esther’s portal. Joan, who had retreated to the asylum, is nowhere to be found. Esther is oblivious to her whereabouts. The dawn brings with it the grim tidings of Joan’s self-inflicted demise in the forest.
Esther envisages her imminent return to academia in a week. Amidst the falling snow, she contemplates the familiar university terrain that beckons her. Her mother has proposed that they “resume from where [they] halted” and treat Esther’s encounter with insanity as a mere nightmare. Esther is cognizant of the fact that she cannot erase the memory of her ordeal. Buddy visits her, and Esther assists him in excavating his vehicle from the snow. He appears to have lost some of his physical and emotional vigor. He queries Esther about his possible role in her and Joan’s mental instability. Esther recalls Dr. Nolan’s comforting words that absolve everyone, especially Esther, from the blame for Joan’s demise. She reassures Buddy that he is not the architect of their troubles, which seems to uplift his spirits considerably. In a moment of thoughtlessness, he ponders aloud about who would take Esther as a wife now that she has been in an asylum. Esther bids adieu to Valerie and dials Irwin to insist that he settles her medical expenses from the night they were intimate. He acquiesces and inquires about their next meeting. She retorts, “Never,” and disconnects the call, relieved that he has no means to reach or locate her. She feels liberated. Esther attends Joan’s funeral and listens to the rhythmic thumping of her heart echoing the mantra: “I am, I am, I am.” Esther awaits her conclusive consultation with her physicians. Despite Dr. Nolan’s reassurances, she is apprehensive. She feels prepared to depart Belsize but acknowledges the possibility of the bell jar of her insanity descending upon her again in the future. She steps into the room filled with doctors, marking the conclusion of the novel.
Analysis
Esther sees Dr. Nolan as a maternal figure, her trust in her is deep and absolute. This bond, a Freudian “transference”, signals the start of Esther’s healing. Through a mix of therapies, Esther’s depression eases and suicidal thoughts fade. She rejects societal expectations of female sexuality, affirmed by Dr. Nolan and a supportive male doctor.
Losing her virginity, Esther feels relief and control, choosing an intelligent, anonymous man for a detached first sexual encounter. Her mental health has improved significantly; she empathizes with others and exhibits strength and maturity. She reassures Buddy, contrasting his immaturity with her resilience. Joan’s death prompts introspection in Esther. Joan, a mirror image of Esther, represents her suicidal self. With Joan’s burial, Esther buries her diseased part, ending the novel on a hopeful note, albeit with the lingering threat of the bell jar’s return.
