A need corrections and A-little touch

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Running Head: DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY

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DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY

  

Digital Technology

Baudouin Pili

Yvette Powell

ENGL 1302-[CRN]

August 2, 2020

[What is happening with your title page formatting??]

Hi Baudouin, I have reviewed your essay on digital technology. Your ideas are not always clear throughout, but they could be with more development and better organization.

To improve it, I suggest spending some time developing your ideas further before you write. Outline your thoughts with layers of support, including details to your point of view on this interesting topic. You write pretty well, but you have some sentences with errors that can prevent meaning from coming through for your reader. Be sure to focus on the accuracy of your sentence structure throughout your essay. Make sure your writing could effectively paint someone a picture of your perspective.

I was not sure what exactly your professor wanted from you because you did not provide the assignment instructions. Try to do that next time if you can. As for grammar and vocabulary, you have some mistakes in sentence structure, punctuation, verb tenses, and word forms/choices. Also, you switch between 1st, 2nd and 3rd persons throughout your paper. Spend significant time carefully proofreading individual sentences (always). I have noted some of your errors so that you are aware. Definitely search for more throughout your paper. Here are links to sentence structure exercises, comma instruction, and advice on using academic English: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/5/26/5/ https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/punctuation/commas/index.html http://library.hccs.edu/ld.php?content_id=43713142

I hope this helps. Thanks, Adam

Digital Technology

How [Indent your paragraphs. Check for these throughout your essay.] has technology affected the way people communicate? [Don’t ask questions—provide answers.] The use of technology has opened new ways for which people can communicate. Whether in professional or personal communication, digital technology has opened the world to a variety of communication choices. The emergence of digital technology [What exactly is it though?] has positively shaped how one can communicate with another[,] regardless of its [Wrong pronoun here.] distance. The one great thing about this is the variety of options to choose the best option and the most effective [Missing something here?? Check for this throughout your essay.]

The [Indent.] digital communication technology refers to the various digital tools that are used in the act of communicating between two or more people. There are several forms of digital communication technologies [Non-countable.] at this period [Awkward diction.]. Digital technology and its usage in communication cover the use of the various electronic tools in the storage and the processing of data (Graham and Dutton 2019). This includes the use of communication applications and social media sites. These communication technologies [Non-countable.] allow the communication of people at one time. The digital communication offers the transmission of communication in a digital form. [So, this paragraph is just defining it?? But why not get more detailed and less technical?]

Digital communication has improved significantly over the past years [How many? Since when?]. There has been a rise in new communication technologies. The development of digital communication is owed to the internet. The use of the internet has been a reason for the revolution in the communication sector [This is redundant.], including growth and rising near-instant connections. The purpose of the internet has made communication faster and easier [What??]. It has allowed people to remain in contact no matter the distance and the time that separate them. Communication is this era is primarily through the various digital technologies available. [Awkward diction.] The concept of communication technologies includes multimedia, the use of telephone, internet, video-based, and sound-based communication means [You’re just now providing specifics??]. The digital technology is positively affecting us [Do not use 1st person at all. Check for this throughout your essay.] by shaping how we communicate as discussed below [Delete this—don’t refer to the essay in the essay. Also. where’s your period??]

The first benefit [Of what?] is the emergence of fast and efficient communication means. For the [Get rid of this article.] business, this has enabled customer and seller communication, improving the efficiency of the business's operations. Also, mobile technology has made it easier to keep contact information in more straightforward ways in the mobile device. The customer and the seller can reach out for inquiries and questions from anywhere. A perfect example is that a manager in the field trying to reach the office can easily reach out to the office by making a call. [Awkward diction.]

The faster means of communication that comes with digital technology started from the [Delete.] text messaging. At one, one can now send texts together with emoji and images within seconds to family members and friends around the world [Awkward diction.]. The primary forms of faster communication include the use of FB [Don’t abbreviate this.] messenger, Voxer, and even the [Delete.] WhatsApp m[M]essenger [Be sure this is the right name. Also, this is a very thin paragraph.].

The second technology has given rise to cost-effective communication [Awkward diction. Not clear.]. In the past [When?] communication, [Proofread this—read it aloud.] especially internationally, was very expensive. This is because we [Get rid of thew 1st person.] were locked into the few and limited phone companies[,] which had very high rates. The perfect case [Stop calling things perfect—that’s not your job and it’s inappropriate for academic writing.] is on the internal phone calls (Nath and Liu 2017). The technologies are advancing fast, and now there are several communication options. The perfect [Stop.] examples are WhatsApp and WeChat. WhatsApp is an application that allows users to send unlimited messages and comes with features such as group chats when talking to a broad audience. The app enables the free calling of family and friends with its feature of the open international call. WeChat is almost similar [What does “almost similar” mean??] to WhatsApp as it also offers free messaging, and both voice and video calls.

The third way [Of what?] is the emergence of social media. The emergence of social media has changed how we [Get rid of the 1st person.] communicate in addition to revolutionizing our daily lives. This is through the means of getting news and also connecting with others. An example is that a social media user can get news quickly compared to the use of traditional outlets. Additionally, we [No 1st person.] get fast updates and information on what is happening worldwide (Wessels, 2016). To add up, [Awkward diction.] there is even more natural interaction with favorite celebrities and understanding them better [Proofread.]

The use of social media embeds the communication means through such platforms as Twitter and the video clips such as in the [Delete.] Snap Chat. Social media comes with better benefits in teaching the different ways of expressing businesses such as those with the use of the image vie platform like Instagram. Not to leave behind how the use of hashtags has impacted how we look at content and how we express ourselves [Awkward diction.]. The gratitude [What? Not clear what you’re trying to say.] goes to social media companies, including Instagram and Twitter.

The fourth positive way in which technology has positively [Redundant.] impacted us [Get rid of the 1st person.] in the emergence of video communication. Video communication is the most notable advancement in technological communication. The way of communication through video chat is a trend that seems unamiable [What??]. Video communication makes a more interactive and more personal communication technique when talking to family members and friends [Your reader already knows this. What don’t we know?]. [Very thin body paragraph.]

On the side of the business, video calling and video conferencing make it easier to hold live meetings [Awkward diction.]. One can see live occurrences, viewing of data and charts, and even offering online presentations. The popular video conferencing communication includes Face Time and Skype. This saves on time and money that would have been spent traveling to the meeting destinations. [Short paragraph. The context is not super clear—develop this further.]

The [Indent.] fifth positive way in which technology has positively impacted communication is coming up with effective communication, which facilitates innovation. The use of such technologies allows the users to develop and maintain a productive relationship. This is primarily through the encounter experience [What is that??] through effective communication. It is particularly important when talking about business in the promotion of both cooperation and innovation. The use of outdated communication technology does not give room for creativity[,] and hence[,] [is] likely to lead to stunted collaboration. Such can have adverse effects on the business as a whole. The other means include [Awkward diction.] ensuring excellent communication, which builds an efficient relationship and eases the preparation and the execution of plans.

Besides having several positive impacts on how people communicate [Fragment.]. There are also adverse effects of technology on communication. The use of technology in communication has come up [Proofread.] with several changes, and some are not for the better. In some cases, some of the emerging communication technologies have had profound effects on the well-being and lives of the users (Wessels 2016) [This in-text citation looks solid. Double-check it here . Check for these throughout your essay.]. One perfect [Remove your opinion.] example is the social isolation of users. This is because technology comes with social networks online [No, these are choices from the individual.]. However, it unexpectedly leads to social isolation. This is because online communication reduces the face to face interaction. This reduces the amount of time that a person spends in the company of the other [Just one?? Proofread.].

In conclusion, [Never use this phrase again—it’s lower-level.] we [Get rid of the first person.] have seen that technology has positively impacted communication. Some of the common ways include the opening of more ways for people to communicate with one another. The emergence of notable video communication technology[,] such as the use of Skype, the faster modes of communication through the use of platforms such as FB Messenger, the rise of cheap and cost-effective communication means, and the emergence of social media [This is not a sentence. Proofread.]. The future of communication will continue to evolve the way we [Get rid of the 1st person.] communicate. It is a sure bet that the advancement in speed will inevitably impact the overall communication technology. One major area that we [Take yourself out of it.] hope will develop in the future is on the holographic communication technology [Awkward diction. Do not introduce new ideas in the conclusion—just conclude the body content.].

[Be sure to start this atop its own page.]

Reference [Center this title.]

Graham, M., & Dutton, W. H. (Eds.). (2019). Society and the internet: How networks of information and communication are changing our lives. Oxford University Press.

Nath, H. K., & Liu, L. (2017). Information and communications technology (ICT) and services trade. Information Economics and Policy, 41, 81-87.

Wessels, B. (2016). Inside the digital revolution: Policing and changing communication with the public. Routledge.

[These look okay, but double-check them here .]