Final Draft Essay

Writer:Sultan Al Balushi ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ Reader:David Doan

Peer Review Worksheet – Essay One – Summary of “I Have a Dream” Speech

Read the draft through quickly; then read it again with the following points in mind. Write a full comment for questions. Do not write yes or no responses…give detailed responses.

• Write a brief narrative (3-4 sentences) that outlines your first impression of the draft. It was not in proper MLA format. It did not list the professor, date, or class. It also did not have a heading on the top right. Also, indent before every paragraph. The thesis was not clear but the body was off.

• Indicate what you like about the draft (positive/encouraging feedback). What parts of the summary are interesting and/or new to you?

I like how the body paragraph restates the points that Dr. King makes in his speech.

• Comment specifically on the title and introduction: What is effective about it? Does it draw you into the paper? What suggestions can you make to improve the introduction?

It does not draw me into the paper. There was no hook to draw the reader in. Also, the title was very general and not unique.

• What do you think is the author’s main point? And consider whether the thesis and the paper as a whole addresses the issue/topic of the assignment. How could the thesis be expressed more clearly?

The thesis stated was seemingly about the subject of the speech was freedom and justice. However, the body paragraphs covered the past present and future of his speech. Like the Emancipation Proclamation to the current state of African Americans to the future and his dreams for America.

In the main body of the paper, are there parts that are confusing or seem to lose focus? Where would you like more

details or examples to help you see what the author means? What parts could use more explanations or definitions? (note the number of the paragraph and your suggestions)

On the first body paragraph, you stated the "emancipation degree". You can just state Emancipation Proclamation. Also, you stated "Independence Day" when it was actually the Civil War.

How clear is the writing at the sentence level? If there are places that seem wordy or unclear, how might the author

revise to address those problems? (also consider grammatical and mechanical issues)

You directly restated the point of Dr. King on you second body paragraph. A little bit to directly. However for the first body paragraph don't try to rephrase actual historic events just state them. I would change the thesis to cover these body paragraphs.

Does the Conclusion sum up, without being repetitive, the major points/conclusions of the paper? To what extent

does it offer a final point or thought for closure on the subject? What questions do you have that the paper does not address?

I can't spot the conclusion because there is not any indentation for each paragraph. So make sure you indent and bring closure to your thesis by rephrasing the inro.

Based on your assessment of the paper, what are the three most important issues the student should address to

improve the paper? (Be specific)

Make a better thesis. one that covers all the topics of your body paragraphs. Make sure you essay is in MLA. There is lack of indentation in your paragraphs and also a work cited page. Make a conclusion that brings closure, that also resates the inroduction and thesis.