Revising a Short Completed Criminal Justice Research Paper

Age and Crime

Michelle Spencer Comment by Michael Dusek: Hello Michaelle. My name is Michael Dusek, and I will be taking a look at your work. I see from the notes you left with this draft that you are looking for me to verify that this meets the requirements of the assignment. It is appropriate to include an assignment prompt, so be sure to attach that if you have the same question in future reviews. For today, I’ll comment on your writing generally. So, I’ll read through this piece and offer some feedback from the reader’s point of view. Then, at the end, I’ll provide some holistic feedback and give you and idea of what you should focus on as you move forward with revisions. Also, if you have questions about my comments, feel free to email Walden Writing Support at [email protected]. They will forward them on to me. Lastly, if you would like to take a short survey regarding this review, here’s a link to one: survey link.

Walden University

1 May 2018

Assignment: Introduction to Criminal Research

Research is a cornerstone of one’s ability to be successful in criminal justice. Although you may not be going out and performing a research study, you will, at a minimum, use the research of others often. Research can help understand the criminal mind and important aspects of crime that need addressed. In addition, many criminal justice agencies are using evidence-based practices and evaluate programs that they implement. Data can help pinpoint areas where higher percentages of crime occur and can be used to create models, such as predictive policing, to anticipate increased risks of crime. Using research and data can assist in crime reduction. Comment by Michael Dusek: Indent the first line of every paragraph. Comment by Michael Dusek: Avoid using the word “you,” to refer to the audience in your academic writing. This is casual and negatively impacts your scholarly tone. Instead, you could use “one,” but it would be even stronger to revise sentences like this more completely. An example of this could look like this here: “Using the research of other scholars is critical.” I know that I didn’t mention the idea of a person doing their own research, but this sentence essentially gets the message across to the reader in a direct, concise way. Comment by Michael Dusek: It would be more scholarly to say something like, “further investigation,” here.

Just as important as understanding research and data is being able to effectively convey issues through your writing. Written communication is vital in every career in criminal justice. In your profession, you may be asked to write reports, proposals, records, and policy papers, or draw conclusion from research. If your writing is not clear and concise, often people will not take the time to review it or not take it seriously. It can also reflect on you negatively for future career opportunities. Comment by Michael Dusek: Remember to indent the first line of every paragraph as per APA style requirements. Comment by Michael Dusek: This word could be removed without changing the meaning of the sentence. Do this. Comment by Michael Dusek: You are using this second person a lot in this piece. These are casual and should be avoided in your academic writing.

In this Assignment, you will be submitting two documents. You will be submitting the document containing feedback from the Walden Writing Center and your revised research paper. Comment by Michael Dusek: This is a good example of what I mean. When you write “you will,” here, as a reader, I ask myself: “who, me? I’m not submitting anything.” A strong thesis statement shows the reader the main argument of this piece. From what I can tell as I skim forward, this piece is about the relationship between age and crime. So, your thesis should show the reader, directly, what argument you wish to make between age and crime. Here’s a link to a resource that discusses thesis statements and how to use them in your writing: thesis statement link. This will help you as you revise this thesis statement and make it more effective. Comment by Michael Dusek: Your thesis statement should be the last sentence of your introduction. Combining these short paragraphs into one would make for a more complete introduction section that leads the reader into the piece effectively. Here’s a link to a resource that discusses the elements and purpose of an effective introduction: introduction link.

Comment by Michael Dusek: There are extra spaces between this introduction section and the body of the piece. Remove these. There should be no more space between paragraphs than there is between lines within a paragraph.

Age and Crime

The existing relationship between age and crime makes out the most consistent findings with regards to the criminal justice topic, and as such, it has in most times been referred to as the resilient empirical regularity, which accounts as one of the significant facts in criminology. Regarding the findings, the relationship between age and crime is one of the most evident subjects (Kemshall, 2013). The standard form of the existing relationship between the two is not much to be debated about, and this is based on the age-crime curve being seen as unimodal, and what this then implies is that the crime rates rise during the adolescent stage, and the peak experiences of the late teenage years, with a rapid decline into adulthood. Comment by Michael Dusek: This is a pretty complicated sentence. Remember, in academic writing, it is always best to express complicated ideas directly. How could this sentence be reduced? Give this a try. Comment by Michael Dusek: Removing this phrase would make this sentence stronger. Comment by Michael Dusek: This sentence is covering too many ideas. It is hard for the reader to follow as it is constructed currently. To address this, split this sentence up into multiple sentences so that it is more manageable for the reader to understand. In academic writing, saying something in the most simple way is the most effective way to get your information across.

One obvious observation lies with the fact that the age-crime curve peaks at a later stage and this is regarding the violent crimes, which is compared to the property crimes. Despite the fact that most of the research done in this regard examining the relationship between age and crime has increasingly relied on both official data and the age-specific arrest rates, it is to be put into account that the general curvilinear pattern is also crucial in generally looking for the conduct disorder, antisocial behaviour and even aspects such as childhood aggression. Most studies, in this case, agree with the argument presented through the age-crime curve, but what these different scholars do not agree on are the meaning and the implications. Comment by Michael Dusek: This paragraph needs a strong topic sentence to focus the reader around the main idea of the paragraph. Think of the topic sentence like a thesis statement for the paragraph. Including this in the paragraph focuses the reader’s attention and allows them to preview where the paragraph is going. Here is a link that goes into more detail about this idea: topic sentence link. Comment by Michael Dusek: This sentence too is long and difficult for the reader to encounter.

There are severe amounts of argument that each relates to the relationship between age and crime. This debate centers explicitly on some factors, and this is inclusive of both methodological and theoretical considerations. With this regard there includes some different perspectives that are formed on the relationship between age and crime. It is first significant to understand that the underlying curve between age and crime is invariant, which goes across a wide variety of both social and cultural factors, and this is inclusive of time, types of crime, individuals, and place. According to related studies, there are differences on the levels of offending among groups; an example is males and females, the present variation is dismissed, which then favors the conclusion that the general form of the curve is similar. Comment by Michael Dusek: What do you mean here? Do you mean that there is a great amount of this research? Comment by Michael Dusek: This is an example of an introductory element comma error. The highlighted region is introductory information. You need to have a comma after it for it to be grammatically correct. Here is a link that goes into detail about this punctuation concept: comma link. Comment by Michael Dusek: The reader is having a hard time following you here. What is the main idea of the paragraph? It is best to be direct in your academic writing. You are crafting your message using complicated sentences. These become difficult for the reader to follow. If you can say something in a more simple, direct way, it is in your best interest to do so. This way, the reader easily gains your message.

The invariance that is presented in these different arguments has substantial implications on the various considerations in criminal justice, and this includes methodological, theoretical and further the practical considerations. As explained there is the argument on the fact that the theories used in this case should not be involved in trying to solve this relationship and should also not be rejected due to their inability to do so. On the basis of the relationship between age and crime, the period is said to have a direct effect on offense and in addition to this on other social components proposed in the effort of explaining crime.

The apparent relationship that is between reduced offending and marriage is spurious, and this is primarily due to the fact that age is the leading cause for both, and what this means is that this relationship also evidently appears only based on the fact that people get married and subsequently begin to age out of crime at the same time. It is also imperative to be able to conceptualize the relationship between age and crime regarding what it presents in a criminal career sense as being unnecessary and even misleading; this is because the causes of crime are similar at all ages of life (Lochner, 2010). Comment by Michael Dusek: Avoid ending a paragraph with source material. In using source material, you want to show the reader how the information relates to the main idea of the paragraph. If you end with source material, you do not have space to do this. To address this, add one to two sentences to show the reader how the source material relates to the main idea of the paragraph. Here’s a link to a resource that discusses the kind of analysis that is needed here: analysis link.

This issue of age and crime puts the fact that it is impossible to examine individuals as being social animals, and this is different from the physical bodies or the social context in this case. This is because the body forms an essential instrument of social interaction and action. There biological dimensions that come with age-crime relationships, and this is because aging in itself is a natural, neurological, psychological and social process. There is physical and neuropsychological development and aging over the life course, and this goes with the early life course, with regards to setting the parameters of both possibility and limitation for behavior, which is inclusive of the criminal act. Comment by Michael Dusek: The reader loses you here. Be direct and state explicitly what this paragraph is about.

The actual foundation of aging has been for the longest time been seen as being relevant to the connection between age and crime. Within the 21st century period, a lot of evidence has since amassed from the neuropsychology concepts that look into brain development as relating to different factors such as decision making, emotional maturity and also risk taking. One assumption considered when analyzing this relationship is that brain development is completed in the mid to the late teen period. Unlike the logical reasoning capabilities, which are seen to be fully developed at age 15, the psychosocial capacities that help in improving decision making and further from that reduce risk-taking, which include components such as emotional regulation, resistance to peer influence and the delay in gratification continue in its development towards young adulthood.

It is also important to note that physical and neuropsychological aging does not mainly help in tracking the age and crime curve that coexists with the contemporary period, and what this then implies is that biological aging is not the whole focus behind the relationship between age and crime (Buell, 2016). Concluding, the relationship between aging and corruption is evident, and with advancing age, there are a lot of expectations concerning the diminishing rate of crime, and the pressures for conformity are significant enough and in a sense likely to increase across the lifespan.

This is a good start! As you move forward with further revisions, I want you to focus on some organizational elements and writing directly. First, take a look at the thesis link that I provided above. Your thesis statement should explicitly show the reader the main argument of this piece. This is a critical element of academic writing and should be included in every piece you craft. Second, I’d like you to start using topic sentence that show the reader the main idea of each body paragraph. These focus the reader’s attention and lead them through your piece. Lastly, I’d like you to focus on writing more directly. There are a number of sentences in this piece that become long and difficult for the reader to manage. It makes it harder for the reader to gain your message. Whenever possible, be as direct as you can. Keep up the hard work here!

References Comment by Michael Dusek: There is some information missing here and some formatting errors. As this is your first review, I’ll point you toward our resource that contains examples of commonly referenced source: common reference examples link. Take a look at these and use them to revise this reference list.

Buell, S. W. (2016). Capital offenses: Business crime and punishment in America's corporate age.

Kemshall, H. (2013). Crime and social policy. Chichester, West Sussex, UK: John Wiley & Sons.

Lochner, L. (2010). Education Policy and Crime. Cambridge, Mass: National Bureau of Economic Research.