Foundations

Respond to the two discussion posts below.

2.1 Love on Trial

Joy 

2.1 Discussion “Love on Trial”

Describe a time you experienced your “love on trial.”

A time where I experienced “love on trial” is a unique one, and one I briefly made mention of in a previous class. My father had been diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer’s and I was his primary caregiver. I had noticed that his driving had become erratic, which was concerning, so I scheduled him to take a driving test. He failed the test and had his license revoked. Unfortunately, he was also still living independently at the time, and I found out from a neighbor that he was still driving his truck and motorcycle, despite not having a driver’s license.

My father was obviously not in his right state of mind due to his diagnosis. I told him over and over that he was no longer allowed to drive motor vehicles, but despite my pleading, he continued. I was left with no other option but to remove and sell his vehicles without his knowing, as it was only a matter of time until he would be in an accident and hurt himself or others.

Identify three ways you reacted to the experience of being misjudged and found guilty even though you were innocent.

That day was one that makes my stomach turn, even now. When my dad returned home from an outing with a friend that I’d planned (so I could get him out of the house) I told him what I had to do. He was enraged. He told me I was dead to him, that he hated me, that he was throwing away my baby pictures, and that he never wanted to see me ever again. I knew in my heart that I’d done the right thing, that my efforts were done to love and protect him and others, but I went into a depression for a while afterwards. There was a three-month period where he and I did not talk (which also gave me anxiety because I was his primary guardian and I worried that something bad would happen to him while I was estranged from him).

As hard as this was, however, I knew we both needed time apart – time for him to process his disease state and time for me to have distance from his combative behavior. I knew he was sick, and his reaction was in part due to his illness, but my father had always been abrasive and verbally abusive, at times. This time apart from him allowed me to process deep wounds with him from my childhood, as well as his current disease. I spent time in therapy. I spent time with people who love me and helped me understand and see the situation I was in more objectively. I spent time considering what my role would look like as his primary guardian and caretaker. I spent time in prayer with God, hoping to gain strength and heal.

I felt like a horrible person because I had systematically removed things from his life that were a part of his identity, but they were also the very things that were becoming a danger to himself and others. Additionally, I dealt with the anger of several of my dad’s friends who thought I was being rash and unreasonable in selling his vehicles, but these were also friends who was not seeing my father’s day-by-day decline, and quite frankly, were in denial of his disease. So, while I was dealing with my dad’s anger, I was also playing defense to the anger and accusations from others who just did not understand the gravity of our situation. It was so painful and hard to keep my head up, knowing I’d done the right thing, because it didn’t feel like I’d done the right thing in my interactions with others. Had I not worked on my relationship with God and surrendered to His will in all of this, I wouldn’t have gotten through this time in my life where I felt utterly misunderstood and judged, knowing I was doing the right thing.

Write a letter or poem (or even a brief essay) about being misjudged. You can share it with your colleagues if you choose to do so.

Dear Daddy,

We’d always struggled, you and I

I acted tough so you couldn’t see

just how much you meant to me

and you did the same

 

Dear Daddy

One day that changed

but my toughness stayed the same

but the tough was in love

though I wanted to crumble

 

Dear Daddy,

I never wanted to hurt you,

only protect you

To you I was hurting you,

leaving you unprotected

 

Dear Daddy,

I prayed to God

for Him to help you understand,

though you were sick

the depth of my love

 

Dear Daddy,

You’re with Him now,

and I believe you can see

the little girl who just loved

her dear Daddy

2.2 Positive Psychology Compared to Traditional Psychology

Joy

Identify at least two differences in how you would work with a client using positive psychology and how they are different from a traditional approach.

Let’s imagine that a client comes in and shares that she is struggling with finding purpose in her life, and especially with her work, specifically. She shares that she no longer cares about reaching her goals and struggles to stay motivated or even care about the work she is doing for her career.

If I were working with this client, using Positive Psychology methods, I might help her start to make some changes by introducing gratitude journaling and/or gratitude mindfulness reframing. Perhaps she could wake up 30 minutes early each morning and document things for which she can indicate she’s grateful. For instance, instead of waking up and having the initial thought,  I can’t stand the thought of even stepping into my place of work because morale is so low, perhaps she could reframe that thought to,  I am grateful that I am healthy and able to go to a job that pays me, allowing me to be compensated so that I can support myself. Perhaps I can interact with others in kind, compassionate ways, so that people feel seen and valued. Maybe that will inspire them to do the same.

       While working with this client, I could also educate her on what it means to have a growth mindset. I could start by having her list her limiting beliefs and then we could work to reframe how to dispel those limiting beliefs, showing her that change and growth are possible if we maintain a growth mindset. For instance, she may list this limiting belief:  I am only qualified to do this job, so I just have to stick it out here, even if I’m miserable. I could help her reframe that thought by first having her list her strengths, qualifications, credentials, and degree and find out what she’s interested in, and assign “homework” for her to spend an hour perusing though a job-posting website, exploring other job opportunities for which she would be qualified. She doesn’t even have to switch jobs, but just by taking this actionable step could help her grow her confidence and make her realize that she’s more limited by her own beliefs than she is, in reality. She hopefully will see that she’s much more marketable than she realizes and that if she believes in herself more, then she could open herself up to more opportunities.

Each of these methods are different than the traditional approaches because they place people in the driver’s seat of their own lives, helping them to see that they can make positive changes, as opposed to simply picking apart and analyzing what isn’t working in their lives and why. While there is value in traditional approaches (because we must start by seeing there is a problem or disconnect, first), these approaches become the end point where true flourishing and meaning making can’t be fully achieved because these approaches are limiting in and of themselves.

Identify at least two differences in how you would work with a client using a strengths-based approach and how they differ from a traditional approach.

While speaking with a client, affirm what they are already doing correctly and mirror back to them what strengths they’re already equipped with and using in their lives (Stoerkel, 2023). This might look like telling a client that they’re already invested in their own growth because they made the appointment and showed up. Additionally, while speaking to the client, I need to make sure that I’m leaning in toward them with my body. Body language speaks for itself and if I’m leaning back and averting eye contact, a client might feel like I don’t care about them or their situation. and repeat what they are saying in a different way for clarification.

These approaches differ from traditional approaches because they help clients feel more at ease and like their clinician is working with them. There’s a common image that pops up of more traditional approaches where a client is laying down on a couch while a clinician hovers over them with a clipboard, looking at them like a lab rat, as opposed to seeing them as a normal human who has normal struggles. These approaches empower clients to see that they are more capable than they may realize and that they are valued as individuals.   

Describe limitations using a positive psychology or strengths-based approach.

By exclusively focusing on a person’s strengths or Positive Psychology applications, a clinician may minimize or completely miss some more serious mental health issues from which a client may be truly suffering. This could be potentially dangerous as more interventions could likely help them with their mental health, like prescribed medication used to treat mood disorders. Additionally, if clinicians exclusively use strengths-based approaches, they could run the risk of being “toxically positive,” where they are only framing the client’s circumstances positively, or having the client only focus on what’s working as opposed to what isn’t (Moniuszko, 2022). Finally, this can be minimizing or negligent to a client’s experience of difficult or hard emotions, which need space to be processed properly (Moniuszko, 2022).

References

Moniuszko, S. M. (2022, December 1). Don't worry, be happy, unless toxic positivity gets in the way. USA Today, 02D. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A728470755/OVIC?u=indwesun&sid=ebsco&xid=c63c1c17

Stoerkel, Erica. (2023, September 18).  What is a strength-based approach? (incl.. Examples & Tools). PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/strengths-based-interventions/#:~:text=For%20instance%2C%20if%20you%20are,strength%20to%20tackle%20any%20challenges.

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