incorporating feedback

What is the main point of this essay?

The main point of the essay is about teens eating a lot of fast food. Having these habits can cause risk factors and health issues.

What is the greatest strength of this essay?

I feel the greatest strengths of this essay is when the student states the risk factors and health issues that can occur if they continue to just eat fast food.

Does the introduction grab your interest and make you want to read on? Explain your answer.

No, I don’t feel it grabs my attention because the thesis: “While many parents think fast-food is harmless to a typical teen’s diet,(it starts out like a comparison using the word “while”) it can cause weight problems as well as health problems that can follow them through adulthood” I was hoping for an comparison, maybe the student can use a different word for the thesis sentence.

What material does not seem to fit the main point of the essay or does not seem to be appropriate for the audience?

The material I felt didn’t fit the main point and was inappropriate for the audience was when the student talks about why teens are unhappy for many reasons. I think it can be left out.

Where should the author add more details or examples? Explain your answer.

I like that the student talks about how fast food is a bad habit and how unhealthy it is, however the student should list healthier alternatives where the fast food can be replaced. Maybe suggest for the parents to pack the teen a lunch, with health snacks, eating last night leftovers. Parent and teen also can sit down and make a schedule by planning means together.

Where is the writing unclear or vague?

The writing is somewhat unclear where the student is stressing the point of fast food being a unhealthy food choice. With some of the repeated information, it hard to understand where the student is trying to go with this.

What is your favorite part of this piece of writing?

My favorite part of this piece of writing is when the student uses the example of their cousin. When you have that type of person in your life, it makes you want to change because you don’t want to go through the same thing they are going through. It also makes you want to help them but it does start with them wanting to help themselves first. Support is the main thing to have when a person is having this type of issue. Try to be there as much as possible physically, mentally, and emotionally.

What other comments might you provide for the author?

I like the topic that was chosen, however the student should do a spell check. Some of the words are not spelled right. Also, a lot of the material is repeated. I recommend doing a compare/contrast with the alternative food.

Good Essay!