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Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

C H A P T E R 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising

Learning Objectives After studying this chapter, you will know:

1 More about the activities involved in the composing process, and how to use these activities to your advantage.

2 New techniques to revise, edit, and proofread your communications.

3 Ways to combat writer’s block.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

I N T H E N E W S

Always the Same, Always Different

W e call it a “process” because, when we

write, there are certain steps we always

take. There’s always an element of plan-

ning and research, always a step where we actually

put words together, and always some kind of edit-

ing and revision.

Jane Garrard, the Vice President for investor and

media relations at Tupperware Brands Corporation is

responsible for producing an

earnings release statement for

the company Web site, every

quarter. Every quarter, that task

requires the same steps. She

gathers facts and data about

Tupperware’s business and

earnings; summarizes that information for Tupper-

ware’s shareholders and investors; produces the ta-

bles, graphs, and balance sheets that are part of the

standard earnings release “boilerplate,” or template;

and circulates the document for review. That’s a

writing process, and it’s the same every quarter.

But it’s also a communication process, because it’s

different every quarter. Every quarter brings different

numbers, different directions for the company, dif-

ferent market conditions with different investor ex-

pectations. Every quarter, it’s a different message,

requiring a different approach and different inter-

pretations. Garrard and her team must decide the

best ways to balance their responsibility to Tupper-

ware’s customers with regulatory requirements and

company interests. They have to interpret the data,

analyze their audience, consult

with their co-workers, and then

compose an earnings release

statement that meets every-

one’s goals. That’s a challeng-

ing job, and a “boilerplate”

won’t help with it.

It’s important to have a process to follow when

you communicate, because a process will help you

organize your time, information, and priorities. But

communication isn’t just about doing the same

thing in the same way, every time. Every communi-

cation task is different, so the first step in the

“process” is to decide which steps in the process to

follow, and how.

135

“The first step in the ‘process’ is to

decide which steps in the process to

follow, and how.”

Adapted from Assaf Kadem, “Facts and Interpretation,” Communication World, December 2006, 30.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

136 Part 1 The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

Chapter Outline The Ways Good Writers Write

Activities in the Composing Process

Using Your Time Effectively

Brainstorming, Planning, and Organizing Business Documents

Revising, Editing, and Proofreading

• What to Look for When You Revise • What to Look for When You Edit • How to Catch Typos

Getting and Using Feedback

Using Boilerplate

Overcoming Writer’s Block

Summary of Key Points

Skilled performances look easy and effortless. In reality, as every dancer, mu- sician, and athlete knows, they’re the products of hard work, hours of prac- tice, attention to detail, and intense concentration. Like skilled performances in other arts, writing rests on a base of work.

The Ways Good Writers Write No single writing process works for all writers all of the time. However, good writers and poor writers seem to use different processes.1 Good writers are more likely to

• Realize that the first draft can be revised.

• Write regularly.

• Break big jobs into small chunks.

• Have clear goals focusing on purpose and audience.

• Have several different strategies to choose from.

• Use rules flexibly.

• Wait to edit until after the draft is complete.

The research also shows that good writers differ from poor writers in identifying and analyzing the initial problem more effectively, understand- ing the task more broadly and deeply, drawing from a wider repertoire of strategies, and seeing patterns more clearly. Good writers also are better at evaluating their own work.

Thinking about the writing process and consciously adopting the processes of good writers will help you become a better writer.

Activities in the Composing Process Composing can include many activities: planning, brainstorming, gathering, organizing, writing, evaluating, getting feedback, revising, editing, and proof- reading. The activities do not have to come in this order. Not every task demands all activities.

Ethics and the Writing Process

As you plan a message,

• Be sure you have identified the real audiences and purposes of the message.

• In difficult situations, seek al- lies in your organization and discuss your options with them.

As you compose,

• Provide accurate and complete information.

• Use reliable sources of material. Document when necessary.

• Warn your readers of limits or dangers in your information.

• Promise only what you can deliver.

As you revise,

• Check to see that your language does not use words that show bias.

• Use feedback to revise text and visuals that your audience may misunderstand.

• Check your sources.

• Assume that no document is confidential. E-mail documents can be forwarded and printed out without your knowledge; both e-mails and paper documents can be subpoenaed for court cases.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

Chapter 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising 137

Planning

• Analyzing the problem, defining your purposes, and analyzing the audience.

• Brainstorming information, benefits, and objections to include in the document.

• Gathering the information you need—from the message you’re answer- ing, a person, a book, or the Web.

• Choosing a pattern of organization, making an outline, creating a list, writing headings.

Writing

• Putting words on paper or on a screen. Writing can be lists, fragmentary notes, stream-of-consciousness writing, incomplete drafts, and ultimately a formal draft.

Revising

• Evaluating your work and measuring it against your goals and the re- quirements of the situation and audience. The best evaluation results from re-seeing your draft as if someone else had written it. Will your audience understand it? Is it complete? Convincing? Friendly?

• Getting feedback from someone else. Is your pattern of organization ap- propriate? Does a revision solve an earlier problem? Are there any typos in the final copy?

• Adding, deleting, substituting, or rearranging. Revision can be changes in single words or in large sections of a document.

Editing

• Checking the draft to see that it satisfies the requirements of standard English. Here you’d correct spelling and mechanical errors and check word choice and format. Unlike revision, which can produce major changes in meaning, editing focuses on the surface of writing.

• Proofreading the final copy to see that it’s free from typographical errors.

Note the following points about these activities:

• The activities do not have to come in this order. Some people may gather data after writing a draft when they see that they need more specifics to achieve their purposes.

• You do not have to finish one activity to start another. Some writers plan a short section and write it, plan the next short section and write it, and so on through the document. Evaluating what is already written may cause a writer to do more planning or to change the original plan.

• Most writers do not use all activities for all the documents they write. You’ll use more activities when you write more complex or difficult docu- ments about new subjects or to audiences that are new to you.

Research about what writers really do has destroyed some of the stereo- types we used to have about the writing process. Consider planning. Tradi- tional advice stressed the importance of planning and sometimes advised writers to make formal outlines for everything they wrote. But we know now that not all good documents are based on outlines.

For many workplace writers, pre-writing is not a warm-up activity to get ready to write the “real” document. It’s really a series of activities designed to gather and organize information, take notes, brainstorm with colleagues, and plan a document before writing a complete draft. And for many peo- ple, these activities do not include outlining. Traditional outlining may lull

When Words Hurt

In the summer of 2006, Iowa State University

was gearing up to host the first national Special Olympics, a com- petition featuring people with in- tellectual disabilities. Visitors would be arriving from all over the coun- try, and the small university town wanted to put on its best face for the crowds. The student newspa- per, the Iowa State Daily, created a 14-page, full-color visitors’ guide to the city of Ames and inserted it into the campus paper. Unfortu- nately, they named it “Ames for Dummies” after the popular book series.

The editor-in-chief quickly apol- ogized for the insensitive choice of wording, while the Daily re- moved the inserts and replaced them with reprinted publications featuring a new headline.

Adapted from Lisa Rossi, “Olympics Section Goof Sends Paper Run- ning,” Des Moines Register, July 1, 2006, 1A, 4A.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

138 Part 1 The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

writers into a false sense of confidence about their material and organization, making it difficult for them to revise their content and structure if they deviate from the outline developed early in the process.2

Using Your Time Effectively To get the best results from the time you have, spend only one-third of your time actually “writing.” Spend at least another one-third of your time analyz- ing the situation and your audience, gathering information, and organizing what you have to say. Spend the final third evaluating what you’ve said, re- vising the draft(s) to meet your purposes and the needs of the audience and the organization, editing a late draft to remove any errors in grammar and me- chanics, and proofreading the final copy.

Do realize, however, that different writers and documents may need differ- ent time divisions to produce quality communications.

Brainstorming, Planning, and Organizing Business Documents Spend significant time planning and organizing before you begin to write. The better your ideas are when you start, the fewer drafts you’ll need to produce a good document. Start by using the analysis questions from Chapter 1 to identify purpose and audience. Use the strategies described in Chapter 2 to analyze audience and identify reader benefits. Gather information you can use for your document.

Sometimes your content will be determined by the situation. Sometimes, even when it’s up to you to think of benefits or topics to include in a report, you’ll find it easy to think of ideas. If ideas won’t come, try the following techniques:

• Brainstorming. Think of all the ideas you can, without judging them. Consciously try to get at least a dozen different ideas before you stop. Good brainstorming depends on generating many ideas.

• Freewriting.3 Make yourself write, without stopping, for 10 minutes or so, even if you must write “I will think of something soon.” At the end of 10 minutes, read what you’ve written, identify the best point in the draft, then set it aside, and write for another 10 uninterrupted minutes. Read this draft, marking anything that’s good and should be kept, and then write again for another 10 minutes. By the third session, you will probably produce several sections that are worth keeping—maybe even a complete draft that’s ready to be revised.

• Clustering.4 Write your topic in the middle of the page and circle it. Write down the ideas the topic suggests, circling them, too. (The circles are de- signed to tap into the nonlinear half of your brain.) When you’ve filled the page, look for patterns or repeated ideas. Use different colored pens to group related ideas. Then use these ideas to develop reader benefits in a memo, questions for a survey, or content for the body of a report. Figure 5.1 presents the clusters that one writer created about business communica- tion in the United States and France.

• Talk to your audiences. As research shows, talking to internal and exter- nal audiences helps writers to involve readers in the planning process and to understand the social and political relationships among readers. This preliminary work helps reduce the number of revisions needed before documents are approved.5

➠

The Art of Brainstorming

“Do you want good ideas? Do you want to

spark more good ideas with oth- ers? [Researchers, managers, and inventors say:] Relax. Play music. Break bread with a col- league. Read a poem. Open yourself to eccentricity. Listen to someone else’s story. Laugh. Resist the tyranny of drones. Seek catharsis. Get vulnerable. Do something risky. Be a rebel, with self-confidence. And, yes, with love.”

Quoted from Robert Parker, “The Art of Brainstorming,” BusinessWeek, August 26, 2002, 169.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

Chapter 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising 139

Thinking about the content, layout, or structure of your document can also give you ideas. For long documents, write out the headings you’ll use. For short documents, jot down key points—information to include, objections to answer, reader benefits to develop. For an oral presentation, a meeting, or a document with lots of visuals, try creating a storyboard, with a rectangle rep- resenting each page or unit. Draw a box with a visual for each main point. Be- low the box, write a short caption or label.

Letters and memos will go faster if you choose a basic organizational pat- tern before you start. Chapters 10, 11, and 12 give detailed patterns of organi- zation for the most common kinds of letters and memos. You may frequently customize those patterns to fit particular situations. Figure 5.2 shows plan- ning guides developed for specific kinds of documents.

As you plan your document, pay attention to signals from your boss and the organization’s culture. For example, if the organization has a style manual that specifies whether data is singular or plural, follow its guidelines. If the or- ganization has an ethics counselor, think about consulting him or her as you decide what to write in a situation with ethical implications. Talk to people in the organization who will be affected by what you are announcing or propos- ing, to better understand their concerns. In some organizations, your boss may want to see an early planning draft to see that you’re on the right track. In other organizations, you may be expected to do a great deal of revising on your own before anyone else sees the document.

Do the French prefer oral or

written? Isn't it hard to

get a phone line? Or is the problem only

one for individuals?

Channels

Do they use Fax? E-mail?

Time lag?

Different for job hunting than

for marketing brochure?

Check marketing brochures

Formats for letters

Dates Different order for month, date

Business Communication USA/France

Time zones

Persuasion

What is persuasive? Look at Layout/white space Headings Organization Content - what's included Kind(s) of evidence Importance of

People Technology Service Price

Handwriting vs.

typing

Language

Style

Culture

Influence of European Common

Market

Do they see themselves as French or European?

"Franglais"?

Do French people know English well? Do they know US or British English?

Problems translating?

Is it better to write and speak in English if my French isn't good?

The letters I've seen from France are stuffy. Is that

considered good? Should I imi- tate that style when writing in

English to a French business person?

How it affects written communication

meetings and negotiations

Nonverbal Distance to stand apart

Body language Handshakes

theirs is "weaker"

Are reasons for judgment the same? Results (as in US) or something else?

Figure 5.1 Clustering Helps Generate Ideas

Writing with Information

Good writers write with information. Michelle Russo writes reports appraising how much a hotel is worth. Gathering information is a big part of her composing process.

She visits the site. She talks to the general manager. She gets occupancy rates, financial state- ments, and tax forms. She talks to the tax assessor and all the man- agers of competing hotels. If it’s a convention hotel, she talks to the convention bureau and gets the airlines’ passenger traffic counts. Gathering all this information takes about four days. When she gets back to the office, she uses data- bases for even more information.

Adapted from Michelle S. Russo, telephone conversation with Kitty Locker, December 8, 1993.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

140 Part 1 The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

Revising, Editing, and Proofreading A popular myth is that Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address, perhaps the most famous American presidential speech, on the back of an envelope on the train as he traveled to the battlefield’s dedication. The reality is that Lincoln wrote at least a partial draft of the speech before leaving for the trip and contin- ued to revise it up to the morning of the speech. Furthermore, the speech was on a topic he passionately believed in, one he had been pondering for years.6

Like Lincoln, good writers work on their drafts; they make their documents better by judicious revising, editing, and proofreading.

• Revising means making changes that will better satisfy your purposes and your audience.

• Editing means making surface-level changes that make the document grammatically correct.

• Proofreading means checking to be sure the document is free from typo- graphical errors.

What to Look for When You Revise When you’re writing to a new audience or have to solve a particularly difficult problem, plan to revise the draft at least three times. The first time, look for content and clarity. The second time, check the organization and layout. Finally, check you-attitude, positive emphasis, style, and tone ( Chapters 3 and 4). The Thor- ough Revision Checklist on page 143 summarizes the questions you should ask.

Often you’ll get the best revision by setting aside your draft, getting a blank page or screen, and redrafting. This strategy takes advantage of the thinking

➠

Planning guide for a trip report

Planning guide for a proposal

Planning guide for an e-mail message

Planning guide for a credit rejection

• Customer's Concern #1 Our Proposal/Answer

• Customer's Concern #2 Our Proposal/Answer

• Customer's Concern #3 Our Proposal/Answer

• Customer's Concern #4 Our Proposal/Answer

• Ask for Action

• Reason • Refusal • Alternative (Layaway/

Co-signer/Provide more information)

• Goodwill Ending

• The Big Picture from the Company's Point of View: We Can Go Forward on the Project.

• Criteria/Goals • What We Did • Why We Know Enough to

Go Forward • Next Steps

• My Purpose • Points I Want to Make • Document(s) to Attach • Next Steps

Figure 5.2 Customized Planning Guides for Specific Documents

Source: E-mail and proposal guides based on Fred Reynolds, “What Adult Work-World Writers Have Taught Me About Adult Work-World Writing,” Professional Writing in Context: Lessons from Teaching and Consulting in Worlds of Work (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1995), 18, 20.

When Roxanne Clemens was asked by a profes-

sor to edit an article about meat packing for the World Book En- cyclopedia (WBE), she readily agreed to help. As a technical writer, Roxanne saw the project as an opportunity to make tech- nical text accessible to a non- technical audience. The author did not supply any style guide- lines, so Roxanne researched similar articles in the WBE and created her own style guide for the article. Here’s how Roxanne describes to the professor her edits to the article:

You may look at this and think, “this is not what I wrote.” As you know, the challenge lies in explaining such complex concepts at a 6th-grade level. . . . I based most changes on the examples of WBE entries found on the Internet. Major style choices are the following:

• WBE uses short, concise sen- tences (almost what we would consider choppy). They use very few compound sentences, so I have broken up compound sen- tences where I thought the meaning would not be lost.

• Instead of using “however,” WBE tends to use two sentences and to start the second sentence with “but.”

• WBE uses a terminal comma in a series (e.g. red, white, and blue).

I did some reorganizing at the sen- tence level, except for moving live- stock marketing ahead of meat because that’s the way the heading reads and it also follows the process of turning animals into meat.

Let me know if you want me to do more or something different to the text.

Adapted and quoted from Roxanne Clemens, e-mail to Donna Kienzler, August 30, 2006.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

Chapter 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising 141

you did on your first draft without locking you into the sentences in it. Use WIRMI (“what I really mean is”) to replace awkward phrasing with what you really want to say.

As you revise, be sure to read the document through from start to finish. This is particularly important if you’ve composed in several sittings or if you’ve used text from other documents. Such documents tend to be choppy, repetitious, or inconsistent. You may need to add transitions, cut repetitive parts, or change words to create a uniform level of formality throughout the document.

If you’re really in a time bind, do a light revision, as outlined in the Light Revi- sion Checklist. The quality of the final document may not be as high as with a thor- ough revision, but even a light revision is better than skipping revision altogether.

What to Look for When You Edit Even good writers need to edit, since no one can pay attention to surface cor- rectness while thinking of ideas. Editing should always follow revision. There’s no point in taking time to fix a grammatical error in a sentence that may be cut when you clarify your meaning or tighten your style. Some writers edit more accurately when they print out a copy of a document and edit the hard copy.

Check to be sure that the following are accurate:

• Sentence structure.

• Subject–verb and noun–pronoun agreement.

• Punctuation.

• Word usage.

• Spelling—including spelling of names.

• Numbers.

Punctuation errors are frequently difficult for writers to correct. Nancy Mann offers a useful decision tree for punctuating clauses correctly (see Figure 5.3).

To catch typos use a spell checker. But you still need to proofread by eye. In a University of Pittsburgh study, graduate students were asked to proofread a

Figure 5.3 The Punctuation Decision Algorithm

Nancy Mann offers a diagram for punctuating clauses. She believes it “comes close to articulating the rules of thumb that practiced adult writers unconsciously use in making normal punctuation choices.” Source: Nancy Mann, “Point Counterpoint: Teaching Punctuation as Information Management,” College Composition and Communication 54, no. 3 (February 2003): 365.

Is there a linking word?

Can this linker move around within a statement?

Can a statement using this linker move within the statement pair?

Is the second statement in thsi pair essential to the first?

[no punctuation],

If no

. or ;

. or ,

If yes

Note: For readability, the algorithm is depicted here as moving in a straight line; note

that it actually “bends” at stage two, where the positions of no and yes reverse.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

142 Part 1 The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

one-page business letter. Students who were not allowed to use the spell checker tool in the word processor found an average of five more errors than those who were allowed to use the tool.7

Spell checkers work by matching words; they will signal any group of let- ters not listed in their dictionaries. However, they cannot tell you when you’ve used the wrong word but spelled it correctly.

You also need to know the rules of grammar and punctuation to edit. Errors such as sentence fragments and run-on sentences disturb most educated read- ers. Errors in punctuation can change the meaning of a sentence. Lynne Truss, author of the New York Times bestseller on punctuation Eats, Shoots & Leaves, offers “a popular ‘Dear Jack’ letter” to show the need for care:8

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy—will you let me be yours?

Jill

Writers with a good command of grammar and mechanics can do a better job than the computer grammar checkers currently available. But even good writers sometimes use a good grammar handbook for reference. On the other hand, even good editors—such as Bill Walsh, Copy Desk Chief for the Busi- ness Desk of the Washington Post—warn writers that handbooks should be used with a clear goal of clarifying text, not blindly following rules.9

Appendix B ➠ reviews grammar and punctuation, numbers, and words that are often confused.

Most writers make a small number of errors over and over. If you know that you have trouble with dangling modifiers or subject–verb agreement, for example, specifically look for them in your draft. Also look for any errors that especially bother your boss and correct them.

How to Catch Typos Don’t underestimate the harm that spelling errors can create. For instance, a police officer who responded to a traffic accident wrapped a blanket around the female victim as she lay on the side of the road waiting for an ambulance. In court, the defendant’s lawyer asked the officer if everything in his written report was accurate, and the officer confirmed that it was. The lawyer then pointed out that the officer had written that he “raped the woman on the side of the road.” Reminding the officer that he had just sworn that everything in his report was correct, the lawyer cast doubt upon the officer’s entire report.10

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours,

Jill

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

Chapter 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising 143

Checklist Thorough Revision Checklist Content and clarity

Does your document meet the needs of the organization and of the reader—and make you look good? Have you given readers all the information they need to understand and act on your message? Is all the information accurate and clear? Is the message easy to read? Is each sentence clear? Is the message free from apparently contradictory statements? Is the logic clear and convincing? Are generalizations and benefits backed up with adequate supporting detail?

Organization and layout Is the pattern of organization appropriate for your purposes, audience, and context? Are transitions between ideas smooth? Do ideas within paragraphs flow smoothly? Does the design of the document make it easy for readers to find the information they need? Is the document visually inviting? Are the points emphasized by layout ones that deserve emphasis? Are the first and last paragraphs effective?

Style and tone Does the message use you-attitude and positive emphasis? Is the message friendly and free from sexist language? Does the message build goodwill?

The moral of the story? Proofread every document both with a spell checker and by eye, to catch the errors a spell checker can’t find.

Proofreading is hard because writers tend to see what they know should be there rather than what really is there. Since it’s always easier to proof some- thing you haven’t written, you may want to swap papers with a proofing buddy. (Be sure the person looks for typos, not content.)

To proofread,

• Read once quickly for meaning, to see that nothing has been left out.

• Read a second time, slowly. When you find an error, correct it and then re- read that line. Readers tend to become less attentive after they find one er- ror and may miss other errors close to the one they’ve spotted.

• To proofread a document you know well, read the lines backward or the pages out of order.

Always triple-check numbers, headings, the first and last paragraphs, and the reader’s name.

Checklist Light Revision Checklist Have you given readers all the information they need to understand and act on your message? Is the logic clear and convincing? Are generalizations and benefits backed up with adequate supporting detail? Does the design of the document make it easy for readers to find the information they need? Are the first and last paragraphs effective?

Little Things Make a Big Difference

In Ottawa County, Michigan, 170,000 bal-

lots had to be reprinted because the letter “L” was missing from the word “public.” Although at least five people proofread the text, the error was not noticed un- til the ballots were printed. Reprinting the ballots cost the country $40,000.

Meanwhile, an Arizona effort to create an 80-cent-per-pack tax on cigarettes to benefit early childhood education and health programs was threatened by a decimal point. The ballot featur- ing the proposition calls for a “.80-cent/pack” increase instead of an “an 80-cent increase.” The faulty wording means that the bill would raise only $1.8 million, or less than 1 cent per pack of cig- arettes sold, instead of the antic- ipated $180 million dollars.

Medicare programs faced em- barrassing typos in Iowa and Texas. In December 2005, a let- ter to Medicare beneficiaries in Iowa included a toll-free number that was off by one digit. The readers who tried calling Hu- mana Health Insurance found themselves calling a phone sex operator instead. The following month, Medicare beneficiaries in Texas also called a phone sex number instead of United Health Care because of a typo in the phone number.

Adapted from Mary Jo Pitzi, “Tiny Typo, Big Effect on Ballot,” Arizona Republic, October 25, 2006, http: //www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic /news/articles/1025ballot1025.html (accessed January 31, 2007); “Typo Means Ballots Must Be Reprinted,” Des Moines Register, October 11, 2006, 8A; and “Health Care Briefs: Typo Sends Medicare Beneficiaries to Phone Sex Line,” National Public Radio, January 5, 2006, http: //www.npr.org/templates/story/story. php?storyId�5128173 (accessed Jan- uary 31, 2007).

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

144 Part 1 The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

Getting and Using Feedback Getting feedback almost always improves a document. In many organiza- tions, it’s required. All external documents must be read and approved before they go out. The process of drafting, getting feedback, revising, and getting more feedback is called cycling. One researcher reported that documents in her clients’ firms cycled an average of 4.2 times before reaching the intended audience.11 Another researcher studied a major 10-page document whose 20 drafts made a total of 31 stops on the desks of nine reviewers on four different levels.12 Being asked to revise a document is a fact of life in businesses, gov- ernment agencies, and nonprofit organizations.

You can improve the quality of the feedback you get by telling people which aspects you’d especially like comments about. For example, when you give a reader the outline or planning draft, you probably want to know whether the general approach and content are appropriate, and if you have included all ma- jor points. After your second draft, you might want to know whether the reason- ing is convincing. When you reach the polishing draft, you’ll be ready for feedback on style and grammar. The Checklist on page 145 lists questions to ask.

It’s easy to feel defensive when someone criticizes your work. If the feed- back stings, put it aside until you can read it without feeling defensive. Even if you think that the reader hasn’t understood what you were trying to say, the fact that the reader complained usually means the section could be improved. If the reader says “This isn’t true” and you know the statement is true, several kinds of revision might make the truth clear to the reader: rephrasing the statement, giving more information or examples, or documenting the source.

Reading feedback carefully is a good way to understand the culture of your organization. Are you told to give more details or to shorten messages? Does your boss add headings and bullet points? Look for patterns in the comments, and apply what you learn in your next document.

Using Boilerplate Boilerplate is language—sentences, paragraphs, even pages—from a previ- ous document that a writer includes in a new document. In academic papers, material written by others must be quoted and documented. However, be- cause businesses own the documents their employees write, old text may be included without attribution.

In some cases, boilerplate may have been written years ago. For example, many legal documents, including apartment leases and sales contracts, are al- most completely boilerplated. In other cases, writers may use boilerplate they wrote for earlier documents. For example, a section from a proposal describ- ing the background of the problem could also be used in the final report after the proposed work was completed. A section from a progress report describ- ing what the writer had done could be used with only a few changes in the methods section of the final report.

Writers use boilerplate both to save time and energy and to use language that has already been approved by the organization’s legal staff. However, research has shown that using boilerplate creates two problems.13 First, using unrevised boiler- plate can create a document with incompatible styles and tones. Second, boiler- plate can allow writers to ignore subtle differences in situations and audiences.

To effectively incorporate old language in a new document,

• Check to see that the old section is well written.

• Consciously look for differences between the two situations, audiences, or purposes that may require different content, organization, or wording.

Writing the College Admission Essay

When college admis- sions officers review

applications, part of the infor- mation they consider is the per- sonal essay. Now students are getting help on those essays.

A thriving industry has grown up around the college essay. Numerous books, Web sites, and training seminars have been developed to help stu- dents write college essays that will win them admission into their college of choice. None of the sources actually write the essay, but all offer advice, sug- gestions, and examples to help students craft their own papers.

People in the new industry claim they are doing nothing wrong. Af- ter all, parents have always been able to help their children write and revise their applications. The authors also blame the universi- ties themselves for creating the demand for writing assistance. Yet admissions officers worry that the college essay industry is do- ing more harm than good. They note that the prep services lead to formulaic essays that look prepped and may not match the information on the application form. Outstanding essays may not be matched by writing and verbal skills scores. Plagiarism site Turnitin.com says 11% of the admissions essays it checked contained at least one-quarter un- original material. Other critics claim that the costly services put students who cannot afford the extra help at a disadvantage.

What do you think? Are the es- say prep services ethical?

Adapted from June Kronholz, “Per- fect College Essay Takes Lots of Practice–and Extra Help,” Wall Street Journal, July 11, 2005, A1, A8; and “The Admissions Police,” Wall Street Journal, April 6, 2007, W1, W10.

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Chapter 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising 145

Checklist Questions to Ask Readers Outline or planning draft

Does the plan seem on the right track? What topics should be added? Should any be cut? Do you have any other general suggestions?

Revising draft Does the message satisfy all its purposes? Is the message adapted to the audience(s)? Is the organization effective? What parts aren’t clear? What ideas need further development and support? Do you have any other suggestions?

Polishing draft Are there any problems with word choice or sentence structure? Did you find any inconsistencies? Did you find any typos? Is the document’s design effective?

Your Edits May Be Showing

When SCO Group, a litigious Lindon (Utah)

software company, filed a breach of contract suit in Michigan against DaimlerChrysler[, . . . a] CNET News reporter, poking through the Microsoft Word filing, discovered that the case had originally been drawn up as a suit against Bank of America in a California court. . . .

[H]idden in a Word, Excel, or PowerPoint file may [be] the names of the author and any- one who edited the document, reviewers’ comments, . . . and deleted text. . . .

A Wired News analysis of a Word document circulated by California Attorney General Bill Lockyer urging other attorneys to crack down on file-sharing showed that the text had been edited or reviewed by an official of the Motion Picture Associa- tion of America. . . .

Nearly every business ex- changes electronic documents with partners, competitors, and customers. . . . [To remove sen- sitive information,] select “Track Changes” from the tools menu and view the document as “Final Showing Markup.” Make sure that all your changes have been either accepted or rejected by the program—a step that re- moves the tracking information. And make sure all versions but the last have been deleted.

Quoted from Stephen H. Wildstrom, “Don’t Let Word Give Away Your Se- crets,” BusinessWeek, April 19, 2004, 26.

• Read through the whole document at a single sitting to be sure that style, tone, and level of detail are consistent in the old and new sections.

Overcoming Writer’s Block According to psychologist Robert Boice, who has made a career study of writer’s block, these actions help overcome writer’s block:14

1. Prepare for writing. Collect and arrange material. Talk to people; interact with some of your audiences. The more you learn about the company, its culture, and its context, the easier it will be to write—and the better your writing will be.

2. Practice writing regularly and in moderation. Try to write almost daily. Keep sessions to a moderate length; Boice suggests an hour to an hour and a half. Many successful writers plan to write at the same hour each day.

3. Talk positively to yourself: “I can do this.” “If I keep working, ideas will come.” “It doesn’t have to be perfect; I can make it better later.” Good writers think more about the document than about their feelings.

4. Talk to other people about writing. Value the feedback you get from your boss. Talk to your boss about writing. Ask him or her to share particularly good examples—from anyone in the organization. Find colleagues at your own level and talk about the writing you do. Do different bosses value different qualities? Which aspects of your own boss’s preferences are individual, and which are part of the discourse community of the or- ganization? Talking to other people expands your repertoire of strategies and helps you understand your writing community.

Other researchers have found that noise can distract writers and interfere with the “inner voice” that helps them compose their texts.15 If you are having difficulty drafting your document, try eliminating distractions. Turn off mu- sic that has lyrics. Try to find a quiet room where you can’t hear the voices of your co-workers.

Locker−Kienzler: Business and Administrative Communication, Eighth Edition

I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5. Planning, Composing, and Revising

146 Part 1 The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

Summary of Key Points • Processes that help writers write well include not expecting the first draft

to be perfect, writing regularly, modifying the initial task if it’s too hard or too easy, having clear goals, knowing many different strategies, using rules as guidelines rather than as absolutes, and waiting to edit until after the draft is complete.

• Writing processes can include many activities: planning, gathering, brain- storming, organizing, writing, evaluating, getting feedback, revising, edit- ing, and proofreading. Revising means changing the document to make it better satisfy the writer’s purposes and the audience. Editing means mak- ing surface-level changes that make the document grammatically correct. Proofreading means checking to be sure the document is free from typo- graphical errors. The activities do not have to come in any set order. It is not necessary to finish one activity to start another. Most writers use all ac- tivities only when they write a document whose genre, subject matter, or audience is new to them.

• To think of ideas, try brainstorming, freewriting (writing without stop- ping for 10 minutes or so), and clustering (brainstorming with circled words on a page).

• You can improve the quality of the feedback you get by telling people which aspects of a draft you’d like comments about. If a reader criticizes something, fix the problem. If you think the reader misunderstood you, try to figure out what caused the misunderstanding and revise the draft so that the reader can see what you meant.

• If the writing situation is new or difficult, plan to revise the draft at least three times. The first time, look for content and completeness. The second time, check the organization, layout, and reasoning. Finally, check style and tone.

• Boilerplate is language from a previous document that a writer includes in a new document. Using unrevised boilerplate can create a document with incompatible styles and tones and can encourage writers to see as identical situations and audiences that have subtle differences.

• To overcome writer’s block,

1. Prepare for writing.

2. Practice writing regularly and in moderation.

3. Talk positively to yourself.

4. Talk about writing to other people.

5. Eliminate distractions.

C H A P T E R 5 Exercises and Problems

5.1 Reviewing the Chapter

1. What are some techniques of good writers? Which ones do you use regularly? (LO 1)

2. What activities are part of the composing process? Which one should you be doing more often or more carefully in your writing? (LO 1)

3. What are ways to get ideas for a specific communication? (LO 1)

4. What is the difference between revising, editing, and proofreading? Which one do you personally need to do more carefully? (LO 2)

5. How can you get better feedback on your writing? (LO 2)

6. What can you do to help yourself if you get writer’s block? (LO 3)

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I. The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

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Chapter 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising 147

5.2 Interviewing Writers about Their Composing Processes

Interview someone about the composing process(es) he or she uses for on-the-job writing. Questions you could ask include the following:

• What kind of planning do you do before you write? Do you make lists? formal or informal outlines?

• When you need more information, where do you get it?

• How do you compose your drafts? Do you dictate? Draft with pen and paper? Compose on screen? How do you find uninterrupted time to compose?

• When you want advice about style, grammar, and spelling, what source(s) do you consult?

• Does your superior ever read your drafts and make suggestions?

• Do you ever work with other writers to produce a single document? Describe the process you use.

• Describe the process of creating a document where you felt the final document reflected your best work. Describe the process of creating a document you found difficult or frustrating. What sorts of things make writing easier or harder for you?

As your instructor directs,

a. Share your results orally with a small group of stu- dents.

b. Present your results in an oral presentation to the class.

c. Present your results in a memo to your instructor.

d. Share your results with a small group of students and write a joint memo reporting the similarities and differences you found.

5.3 Analyzing Your Own Writing Processes

Save your notes and drafts from several assignments so that you can answer the following questions:

• Which practices of good writers do you follow?

• Which of the activities discussed in Chapter 5 do you use?

• How much time do you spend on each of the activities?

• What kinds of revisions do you make most often?

• Do you use different processes for different documents, or do you have one process that you use most of the time?

• What parts of your process seem most successful? Are there any places in the process that could be improved? How?

• What relation do you see between the process(es) you use and the quality of the final document?

As your instructor directs,

a. Discuss your process with a small group of other students.

b. Write a memo to your instructor analyzing in detail your process for composing one of the papers for this class.

c. Write a memo to your instructor analyzing your process during the term. What parts of your process(es) have stayed the same throughout the term? What parts have changed?

5.4 Checking Spelling and Grammar Checkers

Each of the following paragraphs contains errors in gram- mar, spelling, and punctuation. Which errors does your spelling or grammar checker catch? Which errors does it miss? Does it flag as errors any words that are correct?

a. Answer to an Inquiry Enclosed are the tow copies you requested of our pamphlet, “Using the Internet to market Your prod- ucts. The pamphelt walks you through the steps of planning the Home Page (The first page of the web cite, shows examples of other Web pages we have de- signed, and provide a questionaire that you can use to analyze audience the audience and purposes.

b. Performance Appraisal Most staff accountants complete three audits a month. Ellen has completed 21 audits in this past six months she is our most productive staff accountant. Her technical skills our very good however some clients feel that she could be more tactful in suggest- ing ways that the clients accounting practices courld be improved.

c. Brochure Are you finding that being your own boss crates it’s own problems? Take the hassle out of working at home with a VoiceMail Answering System. Its al- most as good as having your own secratery.

d. Presentation Slides

How to Create a Web Résumé

• Omit home adress and phone number

• Use other links only if they help an employer evalaute you.

• Be Professional.

• Carefully craft and proof read the phrase on the index apage.

How to Create a Scannable Résumé

• Create a “plain vanilla” document.

• Use include a “Keywords” section. Include personality traits sas well as accomplishments.

• Be specific and quantifyable.

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148 Part 1 The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

5.5 Revising Text for Non-Native Speakers

The following terms are common idioms used in American business. For each term, write an explana- tion that would help a non-native speaker understand the meaning of the term.

• Across the board

• Ballpark figure

• Banker’s hours

• Captain of industry

• Write off

• Turnaround

• Red ink

• Downhill/uphill

• Number-cruncher

• In the black

• Give someone the green light

• Cut corners

• Cold call

• Big gun/cheese/wheel/wig

• Sell like hotcakes

• Strike while the iron is hot

Now imagine that the non-native speaker wants to un- derstand the origin of the idiom to help remember its meaning. Pick one term from the list and research its ori- gin and its evolution to the contemporary usage.

As your teacher instructs,

a. Share your research results orally with a small group of students.

b. Present your research results orally to the class. c. Write a memo to your instructor describing the

meaning and evolution of the idiom.

5.6 Revising Documents using “Track Changes”

“Track Changes” is a feature in some word processors that records alterations made to a document. It is partic- ularly useful when you are collaborating with a col- league to create, edit, or revise documents. Track Changes will highlight any text that has been added or deleted to your document but it also allows you to de- cide, for each change, whether to accept the suggestion or reject it and return to your original text. In addition to Track Changes, many word processors include a com- ment feature that allows you to ask questions or make suggestions without altering the text itself.

For this exercise, you will exchange a document with one of your classmates. With the Track Changes feature turned on, you will review each other’s docu- ments, make comments or ask questions, insert addi- tions, and make deletions to improve the writing, and then revise your work based upon the changes and comments.

As your instructor directs, select the electronic file of the document you created for exercise 4.19 “Writing Paragraphs” or another document that you have created for this class. Exchange this file with your peer review partner.

• Open the file in Microsoft Word.

• In the Tools menu, select Track Changes to turn the feature on.

• Review the document and make suggestions that will help your peer improve the writing. For instance, you can

• Look for accurate, appropriate, and ethical wording as well as instances of unnecessary jargon.

• Look for active verbs, gerunds, and infinitives; try to eliminate words that say nothing.

• Look for structural issues like topic sentences, tightly written paragraphs, varied sentence structure and length, and focus upon the thesis statement. Suggest where sentences can be combined or where sentences need parallel structure.

• Look for you-attitude.

• Ask questions (using comments) when the text isn’t clear or make suggestions to tighten the writing or improve word choices.

• Return the document to its author and open yours to review the changes and comments your partner added to your document.

• For each change, decide whether to Accept or Reject the suggestion.

Continue to revise the document. Then submit a copy of your original version and the revised version to your instructor.

5.7 Mosaic Case

“OK folks,” said Yvonne to the Communication Depart- ment during their staff meeting, “it’s that time of year again for the annual Mosaic headquarters employee pic- nic. Since we rotate the honor of creating the invitation every year within the Communication Department,” she said while making air quotes around honor, “who made the invitation last year?”

“I did!” shouted Demetri and Sarah simultaneously. “Wait a minute, you both didn’t do it,” said Yvonne. “Well, I did it last year when the picnic was at Grey’s

Lake Park,” said Sarah. “No, no, no,” retorted Demetri. “That was two years

ago. Last year the picnic was at Waterworks Park, and I made the invitation.”

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Chapter 5 Planning, Composing, and Revising 149

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. Sorry,” said Sarah. “Then I guess that means it is Trey’s turn to create the invitation this year.”

“I knew this was coming,” Trey mumbled to himself. “Ok, I can do it. It’s only an invitation, so it shouldn’t

take too much effort. Where is the picnic at this year?” asked Trey to no one in particular.

“It’s going to be at Blank Park Zoo in two weeks from tomorrow,” answered Yvonne. “Corporate has arranged free admission for all employees and their guests from noon to 5pm. The event will also be catered this year. Food will be available from 12–2:30pm. In ad- dition, the zoo is setting up a special giraffe petting area from to 2–4pm.”

“Don’t forget about the door prizes,” chimed Demetri. “And there will be free camel rides for kids of

Mosaic employees all afternoon. Oh, and there’s the plasma TV raffle at the end.”

“However, be sure to remind employees that they need to sign up ahead of time to get tickets if they’re planning on attending. Carol in Human Resources is handling that,” said Sarah to Trey.

One hour later, Trey gave his invitation to Sarah for approval before he passed it onto Yvonne.

“What do you think?” he asked Sarah, “Great job, right? This task is by far the easiest I’ve completed here!”

“Trey, just because something is short doesn’t neces- sarily mean it’s easy. You should know better,” said Sarah. “Let’s have a look.”

The content of the invitation was on the minimal side. It had a picture of giraffe on the front and the following text was found inside:

Mosaic Employee Picnic

Blank Prak Zoo

Fun starts at 12pm.

Pet the Giraffes starring at 1pm.

Free Camel Rides For Kids!

see Carol in HR for details.

“Trey, I mean this in the nicest way possible . . . but this invitation is absolutely horrible!” said Sarah. “You’ve left out vital information, have inaccurate infor- mation, and have grammatical mistakes.”

“Oh,” said Trey, a bit embarrassed. “Don’t rush through writing tasks, even when they ap-

pear to be simple,” said Sarah. “Yvonne would never send

something like this out; the Communications Department would be the laughing joke at Mosaic! You need to re-do this invitation. Bring another version back for me to ap- prove later today.”

Take on the communication task of Trey. Revise, edit, and proofread the employee picnic invitation. Refer to Chapter 5 for distinctions of each.