For Catherine

COH

Support

OPOV

OPOV

OPOV

Updated Thesis

GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

22		Instructor
		Nice work. Now you really need to think about
		why those people who buy and sell and endorse
		organic f ood do so.
		Their primary beef with you is your def inition of
	/25	value. You're only concerned with the money spent in
		a store in order to acquire vehicles of nutrition.
		One basic counterpoint: the cheapest way to get
		organic f ood is to grow it yourself . When you do
		that, you will save money even if you buy

conventional f actory f armed f ood. You can

guarantee that you'll never see any pesticides in

your f ood, and if you're savvy and the weather

complies, you can can enough to last through much

of the winter (in a city like Chicago, f or example).

The benef its to that kind of activity, to the people

who engage it, go f ar beyond the pocketbook.

Ultimately, these are arguments about sustainability,

culture and overall management of resources. If you

reduce things down to basic dollars and cents, paid

at the point of sale, we wonder about the true

objective.

PAGE 1

Proofread This part of the sentence contains an error or misspelling that makes your meani unclear.

Additional Comment , or lack thereof,

QM

COH |

Audience/COH

This paragraph is incoherent. It is poorly structured, contains more than one topic, or is otherwise disorganized.

Additional Comment These are unrelated items,. We're going to have a hard time leaping f rom a Roman philosopher to an organic veggie.

You can safely assume that your audience understands the nature of argumentation and the subtle nature of f act and opinion. We don't need support f or that. We need support f or your main points.

QM

QM

QM

QM

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

Missing "," Review the rules f or using punctuation marks.

Support | Audience/COH

Support Needed:

A well-written paper will include strong support f or its thesis. Support f or your thesis should come f rom primary (original documents, interviews, and personal experiences) and secondary (inf ormation that has been processed or interpreted by someone else) sources. To use your support ef f ectively, you must elaborate upon the inf ormation, quotations, and examples taken f rom your sources and connect them to your thesis. It is also important to remember to cite the sources of the evidence and support you use in your paper.

Additional Comment This is a strange statement,The human race has eaten organic f ood f or the vast majority of its history. Non-organic f ood correlates with the industrial revolution, which started in the late 19th century. There are parts of the industrialized world that have no problem dif f erentiating between organic and what's now known as "conventionally" grown f oods, and they're not going to argue that conventional food is better.

Examples: Ukraine, Lithuania, Costa Rica, Poland, Vietnam, Thailand...

OPOV | OPOV

OPOV

Additional Comment You can reduce this argument to the "checks system". But you have to think about whom you're trying to convince of something here.

If this is an argument about household economics, telling people that they're wasting money by buying organic probably doesn't depend on your idea about pesticides. You can probably just hit them in the head with a nutritionist argument. It's a def ense, then, of the processed f ood industry.

OPOV

OPOV

OPOV | OPOV

OPOV

Additional Comment OK.

Your def inition of value translates to short term spending by an individual consumer, or by groups of consumers. It does not take long term impact on the environment into account, and it does not consider it valuable to reduce the corruption of soil, reduce runof f of nitrogen into the oceans, and it completely ignores the impact of conventional and f actory f arming on f orestation ef f orts, etc.

This argument is about a single concept: value.

PAGE 2

RUBRIC: THESIS 25 102 EXPANDED 2016	22 / 28
AUDIENCE/COH		10 / 10
VERY GOOD	You're writing to a clearly announced, particular audience that deals with college-level
(10)	issues and problems.
FAIR	You're addressing a problem that should concern a college audience but you're not
(8)	identif ying who they are or what they know.
POOR	You lack accuracy and you're depending on cliches, common knowledge and ideas
(6)	that are obvious. This issue is below what a college audience would consider.
BELOW STANDARD	You are having trouble making lucid points and your ideas are inappropriate f or a
(4)	college audience.
NO ARG	This is not an argument. It's either a list of obvious statements or a vague point.
(2)
OPOV		4 / 10
VERY GOOD	You're able to present the opposing viewpoint with nuance and accuracy. Your
(10)	presentation notes the complexity of this issue while also demonstrating why your
	audience will benef it f rom a shif t in POV>
FAIR	You have a good awareness of how your audience should respond to your
(8)	suggestions.
POOR	You have some awareness of how your audience should respond to your
(6)	suggestions. You may not be targeting the appropriate audience.
BELOW STANDARD	This essay does is not yet aware of the opposing viewpoints and it may not be
(4)	targeting a college audience.
NO ARG	Because your'e not making an argument, you can't
(2)
LANGUAGE		8 / 8
VERY GOOD	Engaging use of words, phrases and sentences.
(8)
FAIR	It's possible f or your audience to f ollow your argument but they must sif t through a
(6)	load of errors.
POOR	You have limited control of language.
(4)
BELOW STANDARD	Your language is below standard and/or very dif f icult to read.
(2)

NO ARG

(2)

While your language might be strong, this essay is below standard f or reasons that a high language score cannot save.