respond to 3

1-Diana

The two "roots" of conflict that I am guilty of are stress and “not opening up”. These “roots” affected my relationship with my best friend a few years ago. We met each other during college and both of us were under a lot of stress at the time. We didn’t usually have a lot of fights or arguments but when we did, it was usually because one of us was stressed out, especially me. At the time, I didn’t realize that being stressed out could actually make me more prone to have a conflict with her. The other “root” that often triggered more conflict between us is that a lot of times I didn’t “open up” and I didn’t talk to her about what I was feeling when I was stressed, sad, mad, or just upset about something. I didn’t think that it mattered whether I shared this information with her, but then I realized that as a friend, it would have strengthened our relationship and it would have shown that I trusted her. 

 

I became aware of this “roots” of conflict before reading the Module and thinking about them for the discussion. However, I because aware of them only a few years ago. 

 

Now that I am aware of these “roots” of conflict, I always try to and will continue to keep them in mind when I am having a conversation with family members, friends, and significant other. It was hard to spot these “roots” at first, but I have actually made considerable progress in reminding myself to share my feelings and to acknowledge when I’m stressed so I can avoid conflict in all my relationships. 

2-Rebekah

The most common roots of my conflicts are different beliefs and stress. My husband and I were raised differently; therefore we have some different beliefs on how to raise our son. However they are minor disagreements about rewards and discipline such as does he deserve to go to a friend’s house, has he complete all his chores? Since every child is different and no one form of discipline fits all it’s a work in progress. The second root of our conflicts is stress. Since we moved to El Paso we have dealt with the death of his brother and caring for both of his parents before their deaths. This caused us to put our lives on hold in order to take care of them. We are currently working on finding our “new normal” within our family and our career goals.

Yes, I was aware of the common roots of the conflicts in my life before this chapter. I do not think you can be married successfully married for as long as I have and not know what then main causes of your conflicts are.

I believe that in order to have a healthy, long lasting relationship you have to have respect. This holds true in all of our relationships whether it’s with our spouse, children, extended family or friends. Without respect I believe that we will fall into the “behavioral cascade” of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse”.

3- Jessie

1. The most common "roots" of my personal conflicts are limited resources and insecurity. The root of limited resources is a two part cause of conflict for me because both time and money is scarce. This in the past has caused discordance between my partner and I. In recent times we have learned to adapt and work through these issues, though they still occasionally come up. Being able to work through them in the past has lead to fewer and fewer conflicts because of these problems now. Insecurity is a source of conflict to me partially because of the scarcity of time and money. Again, this is an issue I have worked hard to resolve and I have markedly improved upon it.

2. I was aware of these roots before reading this module. However, I did not know "limited resources" by that name. Typically I would have addressed it as "money issues" or a lack of quality time. 

3. I have been working in the past few years to manage my roots of conflict. I do this to resolve conflict, prevent future conflict, and to prevent possible relationship damage. Moving forward I will focus on maintain a high level of conversation with my partner in order to more clearly and quickly resolve issues before they become conflict.