Revise three essays

29th May 2017

How Happy We Are, To Have Friends from Afar Comment by Cate Almon: I like your title!

Confucius, a great man from ancient China once said, “How happy we are. To have friends from afar”. The globalization process makes it easier for us to have a voyage across the sea to the states, meeting new friends and learning new knowledge as an international student. However, Rebekah Nathan, the author of My Freshman Year, What A Professor Learned by Becoming A Student, Ch. 4 “As Other Can See Us”, claims that American students are artificial in their friendliness. She also says that students here in the states are extremely independent. Some international students were surprised that students here did not have more flow and interaction with parents and family, said by Nathan, the international students were also shocked at the ethnocentric tendencies that were showed by the student population here in the states. Nathan added that classroom life was lack of formality and respect from students to professors. Such word, I cannot argue with. Except that I think her point is not completely valid about American students faking their friendliness, due to the countering between her idea and Stahl’s idea in “Why Aren’t Americans and International Students Becoming Friends” and “Americans Are Self Centered but Friendly? 60 Opinions from International Students”, my personal interview with a local student and my experience as an international student. Comment by Cate Almon: Philosopher? Comment by Cate Almon: This should have a cap – check throughout. Comment by Cate Almon: Put commas and periods inside the quotation. Comment by Cate Almon: What does this mean to you? Comment by Cate Almon: This is a run-on sentence. Comment by Cate Almon: “had a lack of” or “lacked” Comment by Cate Almon: This starts a sentence fragment. Comment by Cate Almon: To make your thesis more succinct, you could just say some findings in Stahl’s articles, and then introduce them later in the paper. Comment by Cate Almon: Overall this is a good intro and thesis. Just work on the little things I noted.

Nathan’s evidence is only one party’s version of international students’ stories with local students. In her notes of the narration by international students, one told us a story that the roommate dashes out looking unfriendly and inconsiderate. Another international student shared that he was plainly told that he was a roommate, nothing more. But yet another was relieved that there were no obligations of courtesy or friendship in this case (pp.80). As Nathan’s interviewees tell their stories comparing with expectations and reality that they went through when interacting with American students, they found that cold, frustrating and lack of warm hospitality. This evidence is not completely true because one of the interviewees said that there were no obligation of courtesy or duty of friendship as in any other relationship in these cases. I agree with this interviewee’s word. I think no one has the liability or sense of duty to make you happy at anytime. Maybe the angry roommate was suffering in a bad day. Or maybe he was in some trouble with a difficult project. Or maybe he was breaking up with his girlfriend. There could be a million reasons for that situation. So it is definitely no need to assume others were having hostility or grudge to you. Comment by Cate Almon: ? Comment by Cate Almon: This term does not quite work here since it hints more at “fault.”You can just say “responsibility.” Comment by Cate Almon: Try to vary your wording and sound a bit more formal. Comment by Cate Almon: This is a good paragraph. You just need some clarity in parts.

If you think using her words against her idea is not strong enough for this argument. Then maybe you should see what Stahl has said in “Why Aren’t Americans and International Students Becoming Friends” and “Americans Are Self Centered but Friendly? 60 Opinions from International Students”. Stahl quoted a student’s word from College of Idaho, “They are more friendly. They are respectful of diverse culture and assist to make you accustomed to the American society.” (Stahl). This idea goes against Nathan’s idea about American students having strong idea about independence and showing no care about their friends who are not from the states. Especially one international student in Nathan’s article says that her American roommate doesn’t care about her at all and they barely have communication with each other except sharing the same apartment room. It is weird to me not having any personal communication with my roommate. While Stahl says it very clear in the article that American students are welling to help international students adapt to American society and the lifestyle. It seems like every American student has different personality and quality. Thus we cannot categorize all American students in a few words or a simple sentence. Comment by Cate Almon: I like this transition! Just make it a bit more formal and connect the sentence fragment. Comment by Cate Almon: Which kind? Comment by Cate Almon: Is this supposed to be a quotation? Comment by Cate Almon: This is another good paragraph! Just work on some accuracy.

Here is something interesting, Stahl has the idea which is completely opposite with Nathan’s, which I also agree due to the interview with a American student. In “Why Aren’t Americans and International Students Becoming Friends?”, Stahl brings up the idea with data analysis that both parties, either American students or international students, told us they are the ones putting effort to make friends (Stahl). While my interview with a local student called Michael shows that not all American students are artificial with their friendliness. As a matter of fact, some of them do put a lot of effort into a friendship with international student. Michael told me that his experience with international students is much more enjoyable than Nathan’s interviewees’. “Currently, I’m trying to get married with one international student”, Michael said to me and laughed, “Very well, she did call me her best friend ‘allegedly’. I have a lot of good international friends who are abroad. I will travel to see them very soon”. Therefore, Nathan’s evidence is not completely true because of Michael’s word about having nice experience during interaction with international students. He does put his effort in making friends with international student by respecting different culture and understand them despite language barriers. Comment by Cate Almon: Would you really go that far? Comment by Cate Almon: Right Comment by Cate Almon: Grammar point – think about what you are actually comparing Comment by Cate Almon: Good – this is a softer way to argue with Nathan.

As a typical international student from China, there are no difficulties making new friends in my social life with American students. I did feel the same way that Nathan’s interviewees did in the first a few weeks. Philadelphia is a cold and strange city for a girl from southern China. But after then I started to understand the point is to use common sense while communicate with others who have different culture and religion background. My American friends are thoughtful and nice. I do agree that they put enough effort bearing with my spoken English and slow reaction to what they said. I think some students should pit aside their bias on how American students are like. And don't be nervous or afraid to talk with native English speakers. Respect their differences. Comment by Cate Almon: This paragraph is nice!

Nathan’s point is not completely valid. But it does bring us different perspective of international students’ life here in the states. When we don't speak the same language, we need to be more considerate and have an open mind. Comment by Cate Almon: I like what you say in your conclusion but you need to also sum up your main points a bit more.

Overall this is a good paper! Just focus on some points I note above and it will be even better

Works Cited Comment by Cate Almon: This page is good.

Nathan, Rebekah. “As Others Can See US”. My Freshman Year, What A Professor

Learned by Becoming A Student. New York: Penguin Books. 2005, 67-89.

Print

----“Preface”. My Freshman Year, What A Professor Learned by Becoming A

Student. New York: Penguin Books. 2005, 67-89. Print

Stahl, Jessica. “Why Aren’t Americans and International Students Becoming

Friends”, Student Union, 19th June 2012. Web. 29th May 2017.

----“Americans Are Self Centered but Friendly? 60 Opinions from International

Students”, Student Union, 21st June 2012. Web. 29th May 2017.

Pearson, Michael. Personal Interview. 22nd May 2017. 29th May 2017.