peer review

Everyone wants to have a family someday. People always wish to one day raise children and watch them grow up to be successful. The thought of the “American Dream”, of having a stay at home wife, working father, and smart motivated children is everyone's ideal life. The dream of having the “ideal” family starts with a loving couples that is willing to start the dream, but in some cases the foundation of the family can have issues which can slowly but surely break up the family. There are many factors that can cause differences within the family, not every family is perfect and there is always some struggle that comes along with being a family. When the struggle and hurt becomes too much, people usually solve that issue the wrong way by separating and going through divorce. Instead of facing and solving those problems like adults, many are so quick to just pack their things and leave each other. This causes more issues than it solves, like the confusion it can bring to children, the expenses it can bring to both parties, and the instability it creates in families. Many people try to take the shortcut, but in the end, the shortcut is not always the best. Back in the days, people would frown upon an unfunctional family and make the couple strive to make it better for the family.That is why people who are going through a divorce should really think about the consequences before they finalize it.

Separation and divorce is life changing and very harmful to children who may be involved. Many people marry young because they have kids early, but after a while, they realize they are not meant for each other. They act on impulse instead of logic. The children are usually the one who suffers the most because they get confused and don’t understand why their mom and dad are leaving each other. Especially children that are older get affected more, due to the fact they grew up seeing their parents love and care for another and seeing them separate seems too taboo. A child should always have both parents there to teach and raise him on good values. That cannot happen if the child has to be shared by their parents every other weekend. During the process of a divorce a child has to go through a toxic household. Most young children blame themselves for the divorce and end up growing up to be insecure and unconfident. When the divorce happens and the child only gets to see one parent every weekend, the child has to learn to put on two different personalities and watch what he says so that he doesn’t offend the other parent. It is very hard on them emotionally and causes a lot of stress and emotional instability. Often even television shows portray the idea that children with divorced parents grow up being a little more different than the children with both parents. They portray the idea that they are more of a rebel, shy, or even just spoiled. While it affects children the most, ultimately, divorce causes harm to everyone, including the families that were once joined together by marriage.

Families are torn apart from divorce all the time. A good mother in law who saw her son get married is going to treat her daughter in law as if she were her own. After a divorce she has to give that up and leave those past feelings behind. It is heartbreaking to have to leave someone you care about just because of issues that weren’t yours. Even in some religions, divorce is an action that is frowned upon. This can also cause religious families to have even more issues and even more stress. Family members will see a divorce as a selfish and avoidable act and will always ask if there was another way. This creates a feeling of hostility within the household and pushes people who once cared for each other to hate each other. I grew up in a very traditional family, and when my uncle was fighting constantly with his wife, he told the rest of the family that he was thinking about divorce the elders in our family were really upset. They could not understand why they could not just compromise their differences or just look past it. Sadly enough, they were one of the many that decided there was nothing else they could do, and they decided to file for divorce. People going through a divorce are almost never civil and tend to act in emotion instead of logic, unfortunately, this makes a toxic environment where family members fight and break close relationships. Unfortunately, all of this can be avoided if people handled their issues like adults and worked together to find solutions instead of running away from the problem. People should learn to work together to avoid divorce because it causes a split in family and a split in relationships. While the emotional side of divorce is very obvious, the financial part of it is usually not known and will come to hurt both people.

Another thing that people going through divorce have to go through is both parties lose money. One thing they have to pay for are divorce lawyers. Divorce lawyers are usually hired to help settle the separation and get the financial plan put down on paper. Lawyers in general are pretty pricey, to hire one it can cost around fifth teen thousand dollars. Also in some divorce cases they can last longer, such as a year or longer, meaning that the hourly pay for the lawyer would go up. Besides the lawyer, there's also the splitting of possessions. Once a couple is married they agree on sharing majority of their items and even their finances, once they decide to separate the dividing can get very complicated. In most cases one did or the party wants what they can not get, or one side more than the other and that is another reason why hiring a divorce lawyer is needed. I knew a couple that decided to have a divorce, and they were fighting over who got to own the house after. I even have a friend that lost his car because his ex wife claimed it was hers and it was under her name. Not only can you lose your belongings, but you can just lose money also. When a couple shares a bank account they would need to split the money, even if one side provided more. Another thing that comes into play is when there's children involved. When a divorced couple has children they also have to pay for child support which can be very expensive. Figuring out who pays for what for their child, such as school, food, and even living expenses can be a very hard thing to manage. Not only does finances put a strain on the individuals, but also the relationship as a whole. Usually when it comes to dividing the belongings it can worsen the relationship. I have personally witnessed a civil divorce that became much worse through the actual process of separating. Divorce is a crucial obstacle that some unlucky couples have to go through, and sometimes working it out the situation instead of giving up is the best thing to do.

Generally, everyone’s dream is to live a happy life, and in most cases having a happy family plays a big part of that. Unfortunately, there are couples that feel as if they have made a mistake when choosing their significant other and it seems like the only option is divorce. Even though divorce seems like the quickest way out, there are problems that actually can form by trying to get rid of the main problem. Divorce can lead to family conflict, confusion of the child, and even hurt each parties financially, and that is why couples should have a second thought when deciding if divorce is the right choice. There are many things that can prevent divorce, such as couple therapies and couple retreats. I personally believe that couples that once worked before, can patch up the problems if they were to put work into it. All relationships have their own problems and difference, but it really all depends on how they handle the situation. Marriage is a life time commitment that two people agree on during their ceremony. If the two were able to agree and commit to it once, there is still hope that they can make it work once again.