Prof_Dismuz

Joel Conway

Outline 2

10 March 2017

Supportive parent

The most important and more relevant quality that a parent must possess is the supportive character; parents should support a child financially and by showing them love and helping them to succeed in life, this is simply because parents realize that when a child is growing up, they are very naive and know nothing about life, it is at this level that parents needs to be more supportive. Comment by Joel.Conway: Agreement error: “them” is plural while “a child” is singular. Comment by Joel.Conway: This is a run-on sentence. Clarity is needed to present your main idea in an accessible way. (-.5) Your sentence at the end of your outline is a better worded way to state your thesis.

In my neighborhood, there was this case that proved that supporting a child is the best gift any parent can offer to their children. There was this boy who loved football with passion. He spent more time playing football than he studied for class. Everybody around could see the passion he had for football. The interesting part of the story was how encouraging his parents were to him. It was the support from his parent that made him to train harder and became so successful. He had all the support he needed from his parents, both mental and financial support. That is why parents should be of great support to their children, because without the support of parents it will be hard for any kid to achieve greater height in life. He tried his best and many did not receive it as a surprise when they saw him playing in one of the most competitive leagues in the world. Whenever his parents were called at any conference they would advise any parent out there to support the choices of their children. This testimony of this boy from my neighborhood proved to me that if only a child can get the support they need from their parent, then they will have a bright future ahead. Comment by Joel.Conway: This paragraph, with some revision, could work for Paragraph 3 of Paper 2. Your topic sentence (first sentence for this paragraph) should include the specific example about the boy who played football ad a connection to your revised thesis statement (once you include the “why important” aspect—see my comment below).

Parents should support their children both by showing them love and helping them both mentally and financially. Comment by Joel.Conway: This sentence looks more like a thesis statement than what you have in bold above. What you need to add to this sentence (to complete your thesis) is why such mental and financial support is important from parent to child. That “why important” aspect should resonate throughout your entire paper.

Comments: Hi Paul. Please make sure you can see my marginal comments. If you can’t, you may need to adjust the “Review” settings on the top toolbar. In addition to my marginal comments, note that you have not followed the Outline 2 instructions properly (-3). That is, you were supposed to present a full draft of an Analyze a Quote paragraph (what will eventually be your Paragraph 2 in Paper 2). Thus, you didn’t follow the expectations from the Analyze a Quote handout. Since the goal of this outline assignment was heavily focused on you getting practice with the Analyze a Quote paragraph, please feel free to send me any questions or a sample of that paragraph in Messages as you work on Paper 2.