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How to Be an Ally if You Are a Person with Privilege

Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D., 2001@

One way to work for social justice is as an ally. The gay and lesbian community

realized ten or fifteen years ago that, without the help of straight allies, gays and

lesbians don't have the clout needed to fight heterosexist and homophobic legislation,

Gradually the call for allies has spread to other communities against which

discrimination is systemic.

Being an Ally

What it means to be an ally varies greatly from person to person. For some, it

means building a relationship of love and trust with another; for others, it means

intentionally putting oneself in harm's way so that another person remains safe. Each

type of alliance has its own parameters, responsibilities, and degree of risk. For

example, being an ally to someone who is in a less privileged position than I am

requires different work than is necessary if the person has privileges like mine. There

are also a variety of styles that an ally can use. Some of us are bold and audacious,

others are more reserved. The common bond is that we align ourselves with a person or

people in such a way that we "have their backs."

When I use the term "ally," I am not talking about love or friendship, although I

grow to love many of the people with whom I align myself. I even see myself as an ally of

people whom I don't know, individuals who are members of groups with which I align

myself as a matter of principle.

Those of us who have been granted privileges based purely on who we are bom (as

white, as male, as straight, and so forth) often feel that either we want to give our

privileges back, which we can't really do, or we want to use them to improve the

experience of those who don't have our access to power and resources. One of the most

effective ways to use our privilege is to become the ally of those on the other side of the

privilege seesaw. This type of alliance requires a great deal of self-examination on our

part as well as the willingness to go against the people who share our privilege status

and with whom we are expected to group ourselves.

[Note: In the following descriptions of ally behavior, the federal govemment's term

"target groups" refers to those who are at greatest risk of being targeted for

discrimination, e.g., people of color, women, gays and lesbians, people with disabilities,

and so on.]

Developing an Understanding

Allies work continuously to develop an understanding of the personal and

institutional experiences of the person or people with whom they are aligning

themselves. If the ally is a member of a privileged group, it is essential that she or he

also strives for clarity about the impact of privileges on her or his life.

What this might look like:

.Consistently asking myself what it means to be white in this situation. How would I

be experienced now if I were of color? Would I be listened to? Would I be getting the

support I am getting now? How would my life in this organization be different if I

were not whitejmalejheterosexualjtenuredja manager?

.Closely observing the experiences of people of color in the organization: how they are

listened to, talked about, promoted, and expected to do additional jobs. For

example, members of target groups counsel all the people in the organization who

look like them even though that is not a part of their job description or have to

speak for all members of "their" group or serve on a disproportionate number of

committees so that there is "racial input." Few of us who are white ever have to be

"professional whires," asked to speak for our race, represent our race, or offer

support to people purely because their skin color is the same as ours.

Allying Publicly and Privately

Allies choose to ally themselves publicly and privately with members of target

groups and respond to their needs. This may mean breaking assumed allegiances with

those who have the same privileges as you. It is important not to underestimate the

consequences of breaking these agreements and to break them in ways that will be

most useful to the person or group with whom you are aligning yourself.

What this might look like:

.Stepping into a situation in which a person of color is being overrun by someone

who looks like you: "John [a white man], I think Eugene [a Filipino] is making an

important point. Would you hold your comment for a second so I can hear what

Eugene has to say?"

.Speaking out about a situation in which you don't appear to have any vested

interest: "Jean, there are no women of color in this pool of candidates. How can we

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begin to get a broader perspective in our department if we continue to hire people

who have similar backgrounds to ours or who look like us?"

.Interrupting a comment or joke that is insensitive or stereotypic toward a target

group, whether or not a member of that group is present. "Lu, that joke is anti-

Semitic. I don't care if a Jewish person told it to you; it doesn't contribute to the

kind of environment I want to work in."

Jizis is NOT about rescuing or grandstandzizg; making a show of our support so that we

will look good or progressive or liberal.

Other white people may perceive our stepping in as betraying of our same-race

relationships. Comments such as "Who made you the political correctness police?" or

"Don't you have a sense of humor?" or "Can't Chong take care of himself?" alert you to

the fact that you have broken the unspoken code about criticizing another white,

broken what Aida Hurtado calls the "unspoken rules of privilege" (Jize Color of Pnililege,

p. 128). While we may choose to take this risk ourselves, it is important to work

strategically so as not to put the person with whom we have aligned ourselves in greater

jeopardy. The example above about the unbalanced pool of candidates is worded to

make it clear ~hat it is in the department'sinterest to interview and hire people who

bring different experiences and points of view to the table. The white person could have

covered himself by implying that his concern was for the lonely woman of color already

present. ("Jean, there are no women of color in this pool of candidates. I know from

talking with her that Josephina is sick of being the only Latina in our department.")

Instead, he made it clear that a mostly white staff was not in his personal interest or

that of the institution.

Working in Our Interest

Allies believe that it is in their interest to be allies and are able to talk about why

this is the case. Talking clearly about having the privilege to be able to step in is an

important educational tool for others with the ~ame privileges.

What this might look like:

.Regularly prefacing what I am about to say with, "As a white person, I

[think/feel/understand am not able to understand...J" By identifying one of my

primary lenses on the world I let others know that I am clear that being white has

an impact on how I perceive everything.

.Choosing to make an issue of a situation, acknowledging that our whiteness gives

us the privilege to speak with impunity. "As white women, because of our race

privilege, our promotions are at far less risk than those of the women of color. Let's

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go as a group to the senior vice president to talk about the harassment we have all

be experiencing."

Committing to Personal Growth

Allies are committed to the never-ending personal growth required to be genuinely

supportive. If both J:eople are without privilege it means coming to grips with the ways

that internalized oppression affects you. If I am privileged, uprooting long-held beliefs

about the way that the world works will probably be necessary.

What this might look like:

.Recognizing the lack of equitable access to education that I had always been told

was present. A brief story. As I was finishing my Master's degree at Bank Street

College of Education, I began to look at doctoral programs. My scores on the GRE

did not meet minimum requirements for any of the programs I was interested in,

and I had no grades because Bank Street then used a pass-fail system. Further, I

was clear that the doctoral work I wanted to do was to create anti -racist curriculum.

So, not only did I not have grades or scores in my favor, but I was also openly

preparing to challenge the current educational system. I did, however, have four

aces in my pocket: first, I had gone to Bank Street and that said a lot to the schools

to which I was applying. Second, I had a recommendation from one of the most

esteemed child development theorists in the country. Third, I was born with class

entitlement and, thus, interviewed well. Fourth and I believe most importantly, my

whiteness made me more appealing and less threatenzizg to all of the schools. I know

that rules were bent on my behalf to admit me to three prestigious schools. I also

know that, had I been a person of color proposing to do anti-racist work, the

chances of my being accepted into two of those programs would have been slim.

Mine is a clear example that our educational system is not a meritocracy. While I

had known intellectually that racism is ingrained in every American institution, this

was the first time my privilege was so obvious to me. In order to re clear about the role

that white privilege played, and in ortier to be an ally, I had to give up my belief that we

live in a world in which everyone is treated fairly, much less "the same."

.Facing in an on -going way the intentionality of white people's treatment of people of

color, both historically and currently. In order to be an ally, I must hold in my

consciousness what my racial group has done to keep us in positions of power and

authority. This is not about blaming myself or feeling guilty. In fact, I think guilt is

often self-serving; if I feel terribly guilty about something, I can get mired in those

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feelings and not take action to change the situation. Staying conscious of our

behavior as a group moves me to take responsibility for making changes. It also

gives me greater insight into the experiences of those with whom I align myself.

Articulating Oppression Allies are able to articulate how various patterns of oppression have served to keep

them in privileged positions or to withhold opportunities they might otherwise have. For

many of us, this means exploring and owning our dual roles as oppressor and

oppressed, as uncomfortable as that might be.

What this might look like:

.Seeing (as in the story above) how my whiteness opened doors to institutions that

most probably would not have opened so easily otherwise.

.Understanding that as white women we are given access to power and resources

because of racial similarities to and our relationships with white men. In fact, we

often receive those privilege s at the expense of people of color, both male and

female. While we certainly experience systemic discrimination as women, our skin

color makes us less threatening to the group which holds systemic power.

Not Using Mistakes as an E.1r.cuse

Allies expect to make some mistakes but do not use that as an excuse for inaction.

As a person with privilege, it is important to study and to talk about how your privilege

acts as both a shield and as blinders for you. Of necessity, those without privileges in a

certain area know more about the specific examples of privilege than those who are

privileged.

What this might look like:

.Knowing that each of us, no matter how careful or conscious we are or how long we

have been working on issues of social justice, is going to say or do something dumb

or insensitive. It isn't possible not to hurt or offend someone at some point. Our best

bet is to openly acknowledge our mistakes and leam from them.

.Questioning how your perceptions might be different if you were not a member of a

privileged group. For example, consider what it might be like to be the only woman

of color in a group of senior decision-makers who are all white and male. Would you

read situations and conversations differently than one of the white men? What

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things might you say or how might you make your comments? What kind of support

might you want if you were other than white and male?

Keeping a filter in your mind through which you run your thoughts or comments.

Remarks such as, "If I were you..." or "I know just how you feel..." are never very

helpful in opening up communication, and, in conversations in which there is an

imbalance of privilege, they take on an air of arrogance. People with privilege can

never really know what it is like to be a member of the target group. While I can

sympathize with those who are of color, it is not possible for me truly to understand

the experience of a person with different skin color because I am never going to be

treated as they are. The goal is to show someone you are listening, you care, and

you understand that being white causes you to be treated differently in the world.

Much more useful comments would be "Because of my white blinders I don't always

notice how he or she responds to you" or "Obviously, as a white person, I have never

had your experience, but I really want to know how you perceive that you're being

treated."

Taking Responsibility for Change

Allies know that those on each side of an alliance hold responsibility for their own

change, whether or not persons on the other side choose to respond or to thank them.

They are also clear that they are doing this work for themselves, not to "take care of' the

Other.

What this might look like:

.Although it is difficult to remember that we do this work for ourselves, it is

essential. For example, in a workshop in which 1 was a participant, we were talking

about really painful stuff, and 1 heard myself say, "I have supported African

American women all my life. 1 wish they would support me now." Luckily for me, a

white woman who had done a lot of work on race was present and said, "African

American women don't owe you shit. You chose freely to act as their ally." 1 thought

to myself, "Oh, yeah, 1 have been knowing and saying that for years, but 1 forgot." 1

was grateful that there was another wJ:1ite woman to put me ~ack on track so that

no woman of color had to make the effort to remind me.

.Examining continually the institutional and personal benefits of hearing a wide

diversity of perspectives, articulating those benefits, and building different points of

view into the work we do.

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Interrupting less-than-helpful comments and pushing for an inclusive work

environment. We do it because we, as well as others, will benefit. We do not step

forward because we think we should or because the people of color can't speak for

themselves or because we want to look good to the people of color around us. We

are allies because we know that it is in our interest.

Initiating Change Allies know that, in the most empowered and genuine ally relationships, the

persons with privilege initiate the change toward personal, institutional, and societal

justice and equality.

What this might look like:

.Assessing who will be at least risk when stepping into a situation to initiate change,

conferring with others who are at greater risk about the best strategies, and moving

forward. Being an ally is like performing in a ballet. Our moves should be carefully

designed to have the greatest effect.

.Understanding that this is not another opportunity to take charge, to ride in to fIX

everything. Ally relationships are just that: relationships. Together with the people

who aren't privileged, we choreograph who makes which moves and when they will

be made. On many occasions, people of color have looked at me and said, "You help

her understand what's going on. She's your white sister." They implied that it is not

their job to educate white women and that, because of my privilege, I am less likely

to suffer from speaking straightf°T':'lardly than they would.

Promoting Inclusiveness and Justice

Allies promote a sense of inclusiveness and justice in the organization, helping to

create an environment that is hospitable for all.

What this might look like:

.Recognizing the expectation that people of color will address racism, women will

take care of sexism, and gay men and lesbians will "fIX" heterosexism in the

organization and, in their stead, becoming the point person for organizational

change on these issues. Clues that this assumption is operating: the Diversity

Committee is composed predominantly of people of color and white women, while

those with greater positional and informal decision-making power are on the

"important" committees; the senior manager reroutes all announcements of

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"diversity" conferences to a person of color with an attached note that says,

"Thought you might be interested," implying that addressing issues of diversity is

not his or her concern; men joking on the way to a sexual harassment seminar that

they don't know why they have to go since they "already know how to harass"; the

majority of people pushing for domestic partner benefits are gay or lesbian.

Paying attention to the days and times meetings are scheduled so that no one group

bears the brunt of exclusion. For example, being sure that meetings are not

regularly scheduled on Saturdays or other Jewish holidays or before or after the

regular work day so that parents have difficulty with childcare.

Sharing the Lead and Seeing Things Through

Allies with privilege are responsible for sharing the lead wi th people of color in

changing the organization and hold greater responsibility for seeing changes through to

their conclusion. Sharing the lead is very different form taking the lead. When we take

the lead we get to keep ourselves central and see ourselve s as riding in to fIX everything.

Sharing the lead requires that we are in alignment and partnership with people who are

working toward the greater good of all of us.

What this might look like:

.Working to build a strategic diversity plan for the organization, tying it to the

organization's business plan, and placing our personal credibility on the

implementation of the plan.

.Securing funding for scholarships so that an economically and racially diverse

student population is guaranteed.

.Assessing current policies and procedures in the organization and working to

change them so that they don't impact various groups of people differently.

.Intentionally using our access to power, resources, and influence to push those

who are in positions to be able to bring about change.

Laughing to Survive

Allies are able to laugh at themselves as they make mistakes and at the real, but

absurd, systems of supremacy in which we all live. As many oppressed people know,

humor is a method of survival. Those with privilege must be ve/y careful not to assume

that we can join in the humor of those in a target group with whom we are in alliance.

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What this might look like:

.Appreciating that there are times when laughing together is the only thing we can

do short of throwing ourselves off a bridge. As Cornel West, an African American

scholar, asked, "What could be more Theater of the Absurd than being Black in

America?"

.Paying attention to the boundaries of who-can-say-what-to-whom: While it may be

okay for a person of color to call me his "white sister," it would be presumptuous for

me to call him my "Latino brother." In some communities, African Americans call

white men "white boys" to lessen the feeling of white men's power. It would be very

insensitive, on the other hand, for a white male ally to call African American men

"Black boys." This is because of the history of that phrase and the indication that a

person with privilege is ignoring the impact of race and believes that we are really all

the same under the skin.

Understanding that Emotional Security is Not Realistic

Allies understand that emotional safety is not a realistic expectation if we take our

alliance seriously. For those with privilege, the goal is, as my friend David Tulin says, to

"become comfortable with the uncomfortable and uncomfortable with the too-

comfortable" and to act to alter the too-comfortable.

What this might look like:

.Being alert to our desire to create a "safe" environment for an interracial

conversation. My experience is that when white people ask for safety they mean they

don't want to be held accountable for what they say, they want to be able to make

mistakes and not have people of color take them personally, and they don't want to

be yelled at by people of color. Those of us who are white are almost always safer,

freer from institutional retribution, than people of color. That knowledge should

help us remain in uncomfortable situations as we work for change.

.Identifying committees, decision-making teams, and departments that are "too

white" and working to bring a critical mass of people of color and white allies into

the group. We do this not because it will look good but because the current

composition is less able to make wise decisions due to its narrow vision. While

discomfort is certain to follow, the benefits of inclusiveness far outweigh the

discomfort.

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Being Clear about the Experience of Being Other

Allies know the consequences of not being clear about the experience of being

Other. Some of these are:

.

lack of trust

.

lack of authenti c relationships

.lack of foundation for coalition

For allies with privilege, the consequences of being unclear are even greater. Because

our behaviors are rooted in privilege, those who are in our group give greater credence

to our actions than they might if we were members of groups without privilege. Part of

our task is to be models and educators for those lzlce us.

. What this might look like:

.Understanding that because we don't see a colleague of color being mistreated

doesn't mean that daily race -related experiences aren't occurring. I often hear white

people make comments such as, "Well, my friend is Black but he's beyond all this

race stuff. He is never treated poorly." Or, "I'm sure she doesn't have any problems

with white people. You'd hardly know she's Hispanic." Or, "He is Black, but he's

really like a white Black person. He's treated better than I am."

Comments such as these alert a person of color to the fact that we don't have those

experiences, we can't imagine other people having them, and therefore put little

credence in the stories that people of color share. If we are to be genuine allies to people

of color, we must constantly observe the subtleties and nuances of other white people's

comments and behaviors just as we observe our own. And we must take the risk of

asking, "What if I am wrong about how I think people of color are being treated in my

institution? What can I do to seek out the reality of their experiences? How will I feel if I

discover that people I know, love, and trust are among the worst offenders? And what

will I do?"

.Reminding a colleague who says, "She's always whining about race. This is not

about race," that as white people we simply can't know what it is like to be of color.

We will never be treated as if we were. While not everything is about race, there is

always the possibility that it is an element in any situation. To deny that reality

signals people of color and other white people that we can't be trusted as allies or as

members of a coalition.

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