1 or 2 pages simple essay

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CHAPTER 3

FAMILY COMMUNICATION, CONFLICT & FORGIVENESS

TRANSACTIONAL PROCESS…

  • Where we simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations.

Family Systems

  • Is application of the General Systems Theory to families

  • The word “system” means to place together—think of body systems

  • Wholeness: Must look at whole family

  • Interconnections: Interactions between family members

  • Behaviors affected by others in family

Family of Origin: Wholeness & interconnections among subsystems…

Family Systems, continued

  • Families are dynamic, interconnected, intergenerational
  • Virginia Satir—mobile
  • Homeostasis (balance)
  • Boundaries—closed, healthy, open

Homeostasis, (balance)….

Lack of Homeostasis, (imbalance)….

Boundaries…
affect the flow of information among the subsystems
(open, healthy, closed)
(closed, healthy, open)

Family Systems, continued

CIRCUMPLEX MODEL

of Marital & Family Systems

  • Family’s Cohesion
  • Disengaged-------------Enmeshed

  • Family’s Flexibility
  • Chaotic---------------------------Rigid

Family Systems, continued

Rules

  • WHAT TO TALK ABOUT
  • FEELINGS
  • DECISIONS
  • HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS
  • COMMUNICATION
  • Box: Own Genogram

Symbolic Interaction

  • CONTINUOUS DIALOGUE INVOLVING OBSERVATION AND REACTIONS TO OTHERS
  • Focus on Communication

Symbolic Interaction, continued

  • Non-Verbal Communication
  • Expressions
  • Body language
  • Eye contact
  • Gestures
  • Spatial arrangements

Non-Verbal Communications can be…

  • Positive
  • Prolonged gaze
  • Close proximity
  • Blushing
  • Prolonged touch
  • Smile
  • Laugh
  • Negative
  • Staring
  • Glaring
  • Tight jaw
  • Narrowed eyes
  • Sadness
  • Crying

Symbolic Interaction, continued

  • ROLES:
  • Systems of meanings/expectations
  • Role Strain (competing demands)
  • Role Conflict (incompatible roles)

Incestuous relationships

  • Communication example in text

CULTURAL COMPETENCE

Awareness

Knowledge

Skill

Encounter

  • Language brokers?

EXAMPLES

MALE VS FEMALE
COMMUNICATION STYLES

  • Analytical vs. relational?
  • Metamessage: underlying context
  • Trouble talk

Types of Communication
Turner & West

  • Transaction (affect/affected by)
  • Process (dynamic/ever changing)
  • Co-construction of meanings (between family members)
  • Use of symbols or codes—de-coding

(verbal & non-verbal)

Verbal Communication Processes

  • Effectiveness (intended meaning)
  • Perceptual Accuracy (receive as intended?)
  • Predictive Accuracy (anticipate how received?)
  • Cognitive Complexity (ability to process)

PRIVATE COUPLE MEANINGS

  • Know each others’ experiences
  • Know each others’ buttons

COMMUNICATION

  • Non-relational
  • Everyday

  • Relational
  • Convey intimacy

NURTURING COMMUNICATION

  • Confirming messages… I hear you.
  • Self-disclosure… Sharing personal /private information; I trust you
  • Frequent… I like you.
  • FAMILY MEETINGS
  • LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN…

I respect you.

POOR LISTENING STYLES

  • Self-centered…
  • FAKER
  • INTERRUPTER
  • INTELLECTUAL
  • SELF-CONSCIOUS
  • JUDGE & JURY

CONFLICT
(when communication efforts fail)

  • Common causes in families:
  • $
  • Sex
  • Household labor
  • “Tremendous trifles”
  • THESE STEM FROM: Ineffective communication (Barbara Okun

ANGER

  • Expression
  • Assertion vs. Aggression
  • Suppressing
  • Inward vs. cynical
  • Calming
  • Self-talk
  • Coping
  • Relaxing
  • Reframing
  • Planning
  • Listening

POSITIVE LISTENING STYLES

  • other centered…
  • ACTIVE LISTENING (hear)
  • RELECTIVE LISTENING (clarify)
  • REFRAMING (perspective)
  • HUMOR (Endorphins/cortisol)

CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

  • builds……
  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • LOYALTY
  • COMMITMENT
  • INTIMACY

CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

  • EVEN DURING DISAGREEMENTS…..
  • AVOIDS NEGATIVE COMMENTS
  • AFFIRMS VALUE/WORTH OF PARTNER

GOTTMAN:
Regulated vs. Nonregulated Couples

Regulated—more positive

(5 to 1 more positive communication)

  • VALIDATING
  • VOLATILE
  • CONFLICT-MINIMIZING

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

  • Results in greater……
  • HURT
  • ANGER
  • CONFUSION
  • PAIN

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

COVERT

  • DENIAL
  • DISQUALIFICATION
  • DISPLACEMENT
  • DISENGAGED
  • PSEUDOMUTUALITY

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

OVERT

  • VERBAL-HURTFUL
  • SCREAM, YELL
  • GUNNYSACKING

GOTTMAN:
Regulated vs. Nonregulated Couples

Nonregulated—

“Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”

  • Criticism
  • Defensiveness
  • Contempt
  • Stonewalling

FORGIVENESS WITHIN FAMILIES

  • New area of family research
  • Yet a cornerstone of family functioning
  • Intra- vs inter-personal levels
  • Ways to communicate forgiveness:
  • Direct
  • Indirect
  • Conditional