1 or 2 pages simple essay
CHAPTER 3
FAMILY COMMUNICATION, CONFLICT & FORGIVENESS
TRANSACTIONAL PROCESS…
- Where we simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations.
Family Systems
- Is application of the General Systems Theory to families
- The word “system” means to place together—think of body systems
- Wholeness: Must look at whole family
- Interconnections: Interactions between family members
- Behaviors affected by others in family
Family of Origin: Wholeness & interconnections among subsystems…
Family Systems, continued
- Families are dynamic, interconnected, intergenerational
- Virginia Satir—mobile
- Homeostasis (balance)
- Boundaries—closed, healthy, open
Homeostasis, (balance)….
Lack of Homeostasis, (imbalance)….
Boundaries…
affect the flow of information among the subsystems
(open, healthy, closed)
(closed, healthy, open)
Family Systems, continued
CIRCUMPLEX MODEL
of Marital & Family Systems
- Family’s Cohesion
- Disengaged-------------Enmeshed
- Family’s Flexibility
- Chaotic---------------------------Rigid
Family Systems, continued
Rules
- WHAT TO TALK ABOUT
- FEELINGS
- DECISIONS
- HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS
- COMMUNICATION
- Box: Own Genogram
Symbolic Interaction
- CONTINUOUS DIALOGUE INVOLVING OBSERVATION AND REACTIONS TO OTHERS
- Focus on Communication
Symbolic Interaction, continued
- Non-Verbal Communication
- Expressions
- Body language
- Eye contact
- Gestures
- Spatial arrangements
Non-Verbal Communications can be…
- Positive
- Prolonged gaze
- Close proximity
- Blushing
- Prolonged touch
- Smile
- Laugh
- Negative
- Staring
- Glaring
- Tight jaw
- Narrowed eyes
- Sadness
- Crying
Symbolic Interaction, continued
- ROLES:
- Systems of meanings/expectations
- Role Strain (competing demands)
- Role Conflict (incompatible roles)
Incestuous relationships
- Communication example in text
CULTURAL COMPETENCE
Awareness
Knowledge
Skill
Encounter
- Language brokers?
EXAMPLES
MALE VS FEMALE
COMMUNICATION STYLES
- Analytical vs. relational?
- Metamessage: underlying context
- Trouble talk
Types of Communication
Turner & West
- Transaction (affect/affected by)
- Process (dynamic/ever changing)
- Co-construction of meanings (between family members)
- Use of symbols or codes—de-coding
(verbal & non-verbal)
Verbal Communication Processes
- Effectiveness (intended meaning)
- Perceptual Accuracy (receive as intended?)
- Predictive Accuracy (anticipate how received?)
- Cognitive Complexity (ability to process)
PRIVATE COUPLE MEANINGS
- Know each others’ experiences
- Know each others’ buttons
COMMUNICATION
- Non-relational
- Everyday
- Relational
- Convey intimacy
NURTURING COMMUNICATION
- Confirming messages… I hear you.
- Self-disclosure… Sharing personal /private information; I trust you
- Frequent… I like you.
- FAMILY MEETINGS
- LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN…
I respect you.
POOR LISTENING STYLES
- Self-centered…
- FAKER
- INTERRUPTER
- INTELLECTUAL
- SELF-CONSCIOUS
- JUDGE & JURY
CONFLICT
(when communication efforts fail)
- Common causes in families:
- $
- Sex
- Household labor
- “Tremendous trifles”
- THESE STEM FROM: Ineffective communication (Barbara Okun
ANGER
- Expression
- Assertion vs. Aggression
- Suppressing
- Inward vs. cynical
- Calming
- Self-talk
- Coping
- Relaxing
- Reframing
- Planning
- Listening
POSITIVE LISTENING STYLES
- other centered…
- ACTIVE LISTENING (hear)
- RELECTIVE LISTENING (clarify)
- REFRAMING (perspective)
- HUMOR (Endorphins/cortisol)
CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
- builds……
- RELATIONSHIPS
- LOYALTY
- COMMITMENT
- INTIMACY
CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
- EVEN DURING DISAGREEMENTS…..
- AVOIDS NEGATIVE COMMENTS
- AFFIRMS VALUE/WORTH OF PARTNER
GOTTMAN:
Regulated vs. Nonregulated Couples
Regulated—more positive
(5 to 1 more positive communication)
- VALIDATING
- VOLATILE
- CONFLICT-MINIMIZING
DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
- Results in greater……
- HURT
- ANGER
- CONFUSION
- PAIN
DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
COVERT
- DENIAL
- DISQUALIFICATION
- DISPLACEMENT
- DISENGAGED
- PSEUDOMUTUALITY
DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
OVERT
- VERBAL-HURTFUL
- SCREAM, YELL
- GUNNYSACKING
GOTTMAN:
Regulated vs. Nonregulated Couples
Nonregulated—
“Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Contempt
- Stonewalling
FORGIVENESS WITHIN FAMILIES
- New area of family research
- Yet a cornerstone of family functioning
- Intra- vs inter-personal levels
- Ways to communicate forgiveness:
- Direct
- Indirect
- Conditional