please revise from the comments left on paper

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello Nelson! I’m Marlé S. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:  Well done for giving the reader some background information on drones and what they are used for to introduce the reader to the context of your paper:

· Drones technology has been touted as one of the best human technological advancement of the 21st century. They can do everything including surveillance, killing targets, saving lives and delivering packages.

Main Idea/Thesis  Your thesis is where you show the reader exactly what you’re going to discuss in the body of your paper about drones. This means that you need to mention at least your topic and discussable point (the point you’re making about drones) in your thesis. If so instructed, you also have to include your structure points in your thesis. At the moment, you don’t have a clear thesis statement in your introduction.

Let’s look at an example of a concise thesis statement:

· Virtual reality technology [topic] has had a great impact [discussable point] on several areas including political, cultural, and environmental [structure points].

Even though this is a very simple thesis, you can see that it is very clear what the topic, point, and structure points are. Let’s look at what is necessary to include. Your topic is drones. Now, what is the overall point you’re making about drones in your paper? This is your discussable point. Then, what are the structure points you discuss (different areas impacted by drones) you discuss in your paper? For more information on formatting a concise thesis, follow this link.

*Nelson 9370378 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:    When you make a statement in your paper about drones, you should support that fact with a source so you can give credibility to that fact. It will also help you avoid plagiarism, which is when you use information from a source without giving the source credit. Let’s look at an example of such a statement from your paper:

· Drones killings have not been received well in target populations in Somalia, Yemen, Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Although you may be familiar with this fact, it will increase the credibility of the information if you mention specifically where you got this information from. For instance, how do you know for a fact that drone killings have not been well-received in Somalia, Yemen, Afghanistan, and Pakistan? Which source could you to support this statement? Where else can you do this? For more information about citing sources, follow this link: Lesson 9: Documentation   

*Nelson 9370378 has requested that you respond to the Transitions:    You can use transitions like “first” and “last” in your topic sentences to improve the flow of your content and also to create clear sections between the different areas impacted by drones in your paper. Say I had a paper discussing the dangers of drinking and driving. My topic sentences would be as follows:

· First, drinking while driving is dangerous because you put yourself at risk.

· Second, drinking while driving is dangerous because you put other motorists at risk.

· Third, drinking while driving is dangerous because you put pedestrians at risk.

For instance, you discuss the different areas impacted by drones in your paper. Let’s look at an example of one of these areas in your paper:

· Despite the infancy of drone technology in most parts of the world, the United States has taken major steps in actualizing a drone controlled economy.

This is the second impacted area that you discuss in your paper. Using a numerical transition like “first” will improve the flow of your content here. Which numerical transition can you use here in this sentence? Where else can you do this in your paper?

Summary of Next Steps: 

· Please include a thesis statement in your introduction.

· Use in-text citations to support facts and statements in your paper.

· Use numerical transitions in your topic sentences.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Nelson. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! Marlé S.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook . _________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Impact of Drone technology

Name: Nelson Ramos

Institutional affiliation: DeVry

Instructor: LAS 342

Date: 1/24/17

Introduction

Drones technology has been touted as one of the best human technological advancement of the 21st century. They can do everything including surveillance, killing targets, saving lives and delivering packages. [Consider using a comma before “and” when separating items on a list of three or more items as per the formal approach. The last item on the list in this sentence (delivering packages) is separated from the second to last item (saving lives) with “and”. What punctuation mark should you place here?] Military drones are the most precise military weapons which have ever been invented. They have revolutionized conventional warfare and boosted antiterrorism activities in the Arab world. Unfortunately, this technology had had adverse impacts on the targeted communities, (Ford, 2015).

Social impact

Drones have been highly welcomed in the developed countries. These countries ( in most cases aggressors) have efficiently used military drones to counter external aggression. Most of their militaries have supported drone war because of the promising precision and low human losses. The war on terror has united members of the public to support more drone targets in the Middle East and other Islamic states. Terror activities waged by jihads against the masses have had a big psychological impact on the citizens. They are willing to support covert drone operations because they save US soldiers and are perceived to be effective to suppress Islamic jihadists.

Drones killings have not been received well in target populations in Somalia, Yemen, Afghanistan and Pakistan. Drones done only kill militants in the US kill list but also has adverse effects on the civilians and local communities. Covert drones have led to the destruction of homes, displacement of populations and retaliatory violence by local groups. The militants believe that the US drones are helped by local informants. The suspected informants are victimized and stigmatized by local communities and militia organizations. They are tortured and their families victimized for supporting enemy drones. To these communities, drone warfare is a double tragedy. They are scared by both the militants and the US drones missiles. Thus drones have proved to be un-ineffective in solving complex conflicts.

Despite the precision of drones, they have been accused of hitting unintended suspects. If such suspects are political or religious leaders, they complicate the possibility of a peace process. In these cases, drone strikes are met with a mass public outrage. Drones instill fear to the members of the public. They hit their targets without any public understanding. People are left wondering who will be the next target. They become anxious and fearful. According to Nocks (2007), these traumatized members of the public develop strong anti-US opinions and may start mass violence against US military policies.

Cultural impact

Despite the infancy of drone technology in most parts of the world, the United States has taken major steps in actualizing a drone controlled economy. The development of drones was pioneered by the American Air force. The US military was faced by challenges of accessing controlled areas and waging war with less military casualties. The Air force started developing Unmanned Aerial Vehicles to attack enemies at distance. The new challenge of terrorism has motivated the American air force to rethink its military strategy. The current United States military strategy is based on counterterrorism from the skies through surveillance and killing.

Drone activities have been facilitated by the American liberal democratic culture. Drone warfare has played a major role in meeting American dreams of liberalization through regime changes in Africa and the Middle East. The drones have successfully fought anti-regime wars in an effort to free citizens and spread democracy. American secular lifestyles have also enabled the development of civilian drones. Most of these hobby drones are developed for enthusiasts who are willing to pay heavy prices for civilian drones. Most of them are high-income earners in the high consumption level in the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Political impact

Most liberal governments have supported drone technology for a very long time. The United States has a very long covert drone program. The federal government has made huge investments in the development of modern military drones. The US Air Force and CIA play a major role in the development and use of drones.

Custers (2016) discussed how most governments have come up with strict regulations on the use of drones. In the United States, the Federal Aviation Administration is the main policy maker on drone’s technology. Despite its efforts to streamline its guidelines on civilian drones, most commercial drone activities are illegal. They have not been allowed to share the American airspace with other manned aircraft. In most cases, this policy has been guided by public safety.

Governments have increasingly faced more questions on the use of drones. For instance, the United States government has been forced to respond to concerns about the legality and ethics of covert drone strikes raised by human rights activists. [Comment on or analyze all facts to support their use in your paragraphs. In which way does this information about the legality and ethics of covert drone strikes raised by human rights activists support your point about political impact that you make in this paragraph, Nelson?]

Economic impact

Drones have a robust financial and economic impact in the modern business environment. In the United States and Israel, the drones manufacturing sector has been growing in the recent years. Drone sales for both military and private drones have been increasing. The association of Unmanned Vehicle Systems International (AUVS) estimates the international market of drones at more than $100 billion, (Kshetri, 2016).

Economic Impact of Drone Sector in the United States.

Drones have also impacted on business. Giant online marketers have developed these drones to facilitate delivery of goods. The famous Amazon Prime Air is used to deliver purchased goods to clients within a short time. In most cases, it takes less than half an hour to deliver an online purchased package. Drones have also become essential in the supply of medical drugs and surgical equipment to remote hospitals. Google has developed drones powered by batteries to deliver drugs in remote areas. They will also be used by Hollywood actors to film difficult shots, (Custers, 2016). The actors will soon produce their artistic content in front of cameras assisted by drones. Drone technology will create numerous job opportunities:

Impact of drones in job creation.

year	Jobs (Thousands)
2016	11580
2017	12000
2018	12689
2019	13845
2020	14000

Most countries have not allowed drones in their air space. They have very strict laws on the use of drones in commercial drones. Drones in most countries have limited use. For instance, in the united states, drones are only allowed to fly in designated areas which are dictated by specific state licenses. Thus drone technology has not been utilized in the civilian transport sector. As a result, the United States may be losing more than $20 billion every year.

Environmental impact

Drones play a vital role in environmental conservation. Drones are used to collect critical data on environmental activities. In the Antarctic drones are used to gather information on the sea temperatures and to monitor the movement of sea animals. The drones provide real-time data on the movement of endangered animals such as whales. Drones are important in wildlife conservation. They have been used to monitor elephants in African parks.

Drones just like any other electronics have proved to be unfriendly to the environment. They destroy the environment through their entire life. Drones are commercially produced by multinational cooperation. The manufacturing factories are run by fossil fuels. The factories emit a lot of carbon dioxide, nitrogen, sulfur and arsenic gasses to the environment. The internal cables have polyvinyl chloride (PVC).Disposal of personal computers adds bio-waste to the environment. The hazardous substances are disposed on land and in the sea affecting the ecosystem, (Završnik, 2016).

Conclusion

Despite the infancy of the drone industry, drones are increasingly influencing humanity. Drone technology has affected numerous sectors such as security, real estate, tourism, education, entertainment, oil, and gas. [You can briefly elaborate on each of your structure points to remind the reader of how it is impacted by drones. For instance, in which way is real estate influenced by drones, Nelson?] Anything which is done by human hand, a drone can do it more accurately, faster and for less money. The fears of a potential invasion of privacy will require more accountability and transparency among industry players. Manufacturers are still making heavy investments. Tech giants such as the Silicon Valley and Amazon have made huge investments in this industry. The future of drones is so much promising as more civilians express interest in purchasing more drones for hobbies and commercial purposes.

References

Nocks, L. (2007). The robot: The life story of a technology. Westport, Conn. [u.a.: Greenwood Press.

Ford, M. (2015). Rise of the drones: Technology and the threat of a jobless future.

Custers, B. (2016). The future of drone use: Opportunities and threats from ethical and legal perspectives. The Hague: T.M.C. Asser.

Kshetri, N. (2016). Big data's big potential in developing economies: Impact on agriculture, health

Završnik, A. (2016). Drones and unmanned aerial systems: Legal and social implications for security and surveillance. and environmental security.

Billion U.S Dollars 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 0 0 0 0 0 Billion U.S Dollars3 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 0 0 0 0 0 Billion U.S Dollars2 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2 3 3.5 4 6

11